Q. I think im Bipolar but i meet nearly all the things for schizophrenia to, please take me seriously i am a psy student..I am almost certain i am Bipolar i have thought about it for a number of years, recently (the last 18 months)ive begun to wonder if there is something else happening in my head. Diagnosing yourself is not something that works theres always going to be denial and i am a psychology student meaning mabye im biased..
I dont hear ‘voices’ but i have been hallucinating i often feel like im drunk and like nothing around me is actually seperate or external to me i just feel like im detached from my body kinda thing all the time. I feel like im in a dream when im awake i can find myself walking down corridors then i’ll be in diffrent areas walking somewhere else and my memory has gone, it feels in a way sometimes like ive just teleported, i dont really believe that but thats what it feels like.
When im not feeling detached and really there im thinking, crazy things.. i dont even want to call them delusions you dont wake up one morning and suddenly think i suffer delusions, for so much of my life i havnt realised ive never questioned my own thoughts before. Now ive realised it i think its worse everything in my head has become so scary, ive fallen out with my best friend very badly and we are always arguing im blaming her but i carnt tell if what im thinking is rational. I think at the time its all her im seeing things how they really are im not stupid this is whats really happening i can see and predict whats going to happen next, i have realised many times i have thought some very strange things, things that i think about now that scare me and i dont know how they could have been racing around in my head.
I feel guilty and sometimes try to stop crying and thinking of anything then i get angry that people will be able to know my thoughts and be angered by them but without me even telling them, like they would have access to them, so subconsciously its been there, if i heard it from someone else i would never think i was like that.
Ive been scared to talk about this all for so long,i want some medication even if its just for the depression and insomnia i just need something, i know ill need to see a doctor for any medicine but i dont know if i can, now ive realised these delusions have always been with me im understanding why ive always been so scared i need help, i imagine the days after my death what people would think or say, who would be annoyed or glad, i get scared of doing it i know i wont so close before but to weak to let go. I need some advice from someone who knows what their talking about, writing this has been hard for me