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Home » Ask the Therapist » Partner was swept off her feet and swept away.

Partner was swept off her feet and swept away.

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I have lost the love of 19 yrs to a Phd in psychology. My ex was never insecure until this other person entered our lives. Things began years ago with my ex and the Phd meeting at work. Chit chat began…and I believe seeds were being planted by the Phd person. As time went on little things weren’t making sense to me….my ex had lost a lot of weight and one of their conversations was if I had given my ex a hard time about being heavy. Well I never had and it was conveyed the same….subject dropped by Phd person. I honestly believe that the Phd person under the guise of “getting to know my ex” questioned everything until they found a weak spot and then honed in on things. Well, as it stands now, I’m the “bad” person and my ex moved out and is in fear of me!!!!!!! They had never been afraid of me prior to the Phd person entering our lives. I am not a violent person, heck, I hardly ever raise my voice! I believe that through some type of hypnosis or mind control my ex has done a complete 360…..a completely totally different person. One that I don’t even recognize. So, 19 yrs has been obliterated…..the Phd person is into “open” relationships and ended one as theirs began. The other couple was having problems for many years according to the Phd person……their problems consisted of “Phd person was tired of the other one being there when they went to work and was there when they got home” excuse me, but they lived together! I am just beside myself…..any words of enlightenment?

Partner was swept off her feet and swept away.

Answered by on -

A.

It’s highly unlikely that what you are seeing is a result of post-hypnotic suggestion. But she may be under another kind of “spell.” If the PhD is charismatic and is fascinating to her, she may have been influenced by sweet talk, persuasion, and the magic of romantic infatuation. You are in your early 50s. If your partner is of a similar age, it’s possible that she is in some kind of midlife re-evaluation. Sadly, instead of talking to you about it, she let herself get swept off her feet by someone new. If you love her enough to forgive her, I suggest you bide your time. The Phd doesn’t sound like a person who can commit to another.

Your girlfriend may well wake up at some point and wonder why on earth she traded in a 19 year partnership for a relationship with someone who uses the philosophy of “open” relationships to justify hurting others. Now that the thrill of pursuit is over, my guess is that your girlfriend will be the next person to be thrown away. Only you can decide if you are willing to wait around to catch her.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Partner was swept off her feet and swept away.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Partner was swept off her feet and swept away.. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/04/15/partner-was-swept-off-her-feed-and-swept-away/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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