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How Can I Help My Depressed Boyfriend?

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Q. My boyfriend is a negative thinker,he gets angry on small things,he cuts himself if we fight.he loves me. how can i help. i have a boyfriend who loves me a lot and so do i. m the 1st girl in his life. v have future plans too. hes very serius for me and so m i, but he is very insecured, he trusts me a lot, but still hes insecured, he gets angry on little things.. we have a long distance relationship.. we both are in dirrent countries n meet each other for three months in an year.. so most of our fites are on the net or phone.. when we happen to fight he cuts his hand.. if hes guilty he will cut.. if hes angry he will cut.. he neva cried before meeting me but has got so attached to me that if i say anything which might hurt him he will cry, he dint even cry when his grandmom expired with whom he was ver attached.. he did shed a tear at night and was low for a few days but was fine later.. he is emotionally very strong.. but how can i controll his anger? n how can i prevent him from harming himself? n hes a very negative thinker what can be done? m doing me psychlogy majors.. so i have tried telling him all the shot term anger management techniques.. but he says he cant help it.. what can i do to change his negative thinking? and how can i controll him when he gets angry?

How Can I Help My Depressed Boyfriend?

Answered by on -


Unfortunately, there is very little that you can do to change someone else’s behavior. Unless you are a trained professional you only have the power to control yourself and perhaps the power to influence someone to get help from a professional. You cannot control his behavior or make him stop harming himself but you can encourage him to seek treatment.

A therapist can work with him to correct his negative thinking. He or she can teach him more positive and realistic ways to think. A therapist can also teach him alternative ways to control his anger that do not include harming himself. If your boyfriend is willing to put forth the effort to change and see a therapist, he can likely be helped.

You have already tried to help him to no avail. I suggest that you spend your time trying to convince him to seek professional help. Tell him how much you are worried about him and that with the right help he can find healthier ways to deal with his emotions. Therapy has successfully helped many people overcome very similar problems. Express to him that you are suggesting counseling because you care about him and want to see him well and happy.

If he is not willing to attend counseling and continues the negative thinking and behavior then you may want to evaluate whether this relationship is right for you. Watching someone suffer but refusing help is not only difficult and frustrating but may be psychologically unhealthy for you.

How Can I Help My Depressed Boyfriend?

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). How Can I Help My Depressed Boyfriend?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.