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What is my guy trying to say?

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I have known LOVE for 10 years. LOVE is 26 yrs old while I’m 18 yrs old. Our dads are best buddies. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the chance to meet up often as distance set us apart (we are frm different states). Besides, he’s studying Medicine in an American Uni while im still in my home country in Asia. We keep in touch via MSN and LOVE never fails to shower brotherly love, affection and encouragement.

I left home for further edu in another state earlier this year. LOVE was informed about it and he became extremely concerned about my well-being and safety. LOVE is extremely busy with his studies, but he always take time out to talk to me.

Initially, he grabbed the opportunity to get to know me better. For instance, he ask about my interests, how’s my week and what I’m up to…he insists to be updated. He updates me on how he’s doing too and never hesitate to be himself (expressing emotions without hiding it). Sometimes he would seek me for advices on certain issues. He even asked me several times whether I’m interested in any guys yet…when i answer ‘No’, he smiled shyly. When i ask him the similar question, he said that he hasn’t found his ‘significant other’ yet and that he wants to complete his medical education 1st.

Frankly, sometimes I just find it hard to understand him. Initially we would joke alot and get to know each other better. But sometimes, he would just “appear invisible or busy” throughout the week and would only reply curtly. When I ask him what’s up, he would be like “Oh. Im busy with assignment/exam/homework etc.” On other days, he would be cheerful and talk about anything under the sun. I realised that he doesn’t joke as much as he used to and not as warm…but he’s still very concerned about my well-being.

Lately, LOVE woke up at wee hours (time difference between our locations is 12 hrs!) to teach me Biology and he was late for morning classes because of that. Despite being late, he gave me a short phone call before leaving.

LOVE had always been shy when we view each other using webcamera. He would rather have a phone call instead. Whenever we view each other, he would smile all the time and keep rather quiet…i think he stared at me but when i look at him and wave, he didn’t respond or would simply stare at his desk, but still smiling. However, by nature he has always been nice to girls (he treats me in a special way though).

Recently, i noticed there is a girl(lets call her ‘Jane’) who is also interested in him. LOVE and ‘Jane’ send each other virtual ‘lovey-dovey’ things via Facebook (an online network). Besides, he hinted that he might move to Australiasia for further studies but unsure which state just yet. (NOTE: ‘Jane’ is in Australiasia)

I’m very confused. On my part, I love him a lot and I love him for who he is, despite his shortcomings. But what is in his mind? Is he interested? What should i do next?

What is my guy trying to say?

Answered by on -

A.

You two have known each other since you were only 10 years old and he was 16. The age difference is less important now than it was then but let’s remember that this relationship started when you were a child and he was a teen. My guess is that you looked up to him and he thought you were kind of cute. Besides, being hero-worshiped is hard to resist when you’re a 16 year old boy. You two have grown up together, with him always in the position of being older and wiser. Now that you are a young adult, also in college, it doesn’t surprise me that things between you are beginning to change.

Anyone who gets up at the crack of dawn to tutor someone in biology clearly cares for her. But I’m guessing that because of your history his caring is more like big-brother or uncle love than lover love. He does have affection for you. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He probably wants to keep you in his life. But he hasn’t figured out how to change the nature of your relationship to one of loving friendship instead of romance. He’s letting his Facebook give you information he can’t manage to tell you himself. He’s moving on.

What you should do is accept that he loves you like a sister and wish him the best, as a sister would. By all means, keep him as a friend if you can but take the pressure for romance out of it. Then make yourself available to the men in your own school. There is someone out there for you but you have to be open to finding him.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

What is my guy trying to say?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). What is my guy trying to say?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/03/15/what-is-my-guy-trying-to-say/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.