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Where can I get help about abusive dad?

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I consider my father abusive. He never stops yelling…I’m 14 and I have two younger siblings by the way.Anyway, my dad is constantly yelling and saying mean things to either me or my brother. He yells at my mom too, but most of it is targeted at me or my brother. Where as he has never actually hit me, he always displays his disapproval of me. He yells at me how i always disappoint him and tells me that i’m bad at everything i do. The worst he ever did was when i didn’t clean me room to his standards and he came in a yelled and yelled and yelled at me…he backed me into a corner and kept asking me what my problem was in one of those i want to beat the sh–t out of you voices…and then he just left. That night scared me so much…and not to long after i started getting more frequent panic attacks.I honestly hate him.

He sometimes leaves on trips for his job, and when he does my house is tension free, i sleep rather well at night (i have insomnia) and i’m not stressed at all. but as soon as he gets home…he yells and yells! IT NEVER STOPS! and my house feels tense…even my friends can detect it. plus they notice how mean my dad is simply from just staying in my house for a few hours.

i’m scared of him i hate him. When he is around i get so stressed out i cant eat, and he’s upset me so much tht i’ve thrown up and not eaten for a couple days. Also i’ve become very paranoid about many things…especially trusting people, and i have horrible panic attacks which seem to happen more and more often..and then my stress level is so high that i shake and start crying. i freak out over everything and i’m like in a constant state of panic and alert, very jumpy and tense. Which of course this is obviously not healthy for anyone.

My brother also takes a lot too. Our dad has called him stupid and has even hit him before…once he got so mad at him he picked him up by his hair! All of this has made my brother very quiet..he is basically mute as soon as my dad gets home, as am i. but he also seems very withdrawn and he’s failing subjects in school…sometimes he and i sit down and talk about how much we hate our father…it sorta makes us feel a bit better. But obviously this is not a healthy situation.

I really want to know what i can do, because i’m tired of living with all this garbage and its rly taking its toll on my health and i want to know the most extreme thing i can do…and i DO NOT care what so ever if i am to see or speak to my father again. he’s terrible, and i don’t want anything to do with him. so please what can I do??? and like how bad do you actually consider this situation?

Where can I get help about abusive dad?

Answered by on -


First, please be very, very careful about trying to take your dad on. He is barely in control of his anger and I’m concerned he could hurt you if you yell back. Instead, you and your family need to get some help. You didn’t say what your mother is doing about your father’s behavior. I can only guess that she is afraid of him too or she would be doing more to protect you. Please tell her about the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233). There are counselors available 24/7 to help families like yours figure out what to do. You could also talk privately to your school guidance counselor or school nurse, your doctor, or your pastor to get some advice about what services are available locally to help your mom and your family. Professionals know how to keep what you tell them confidential and will know where to go for practical help.

No kid should be so afraid of her father that she can’t eat and has panic attacks. No boy should be so afraid that he stays mute to stay out of the way. This is a terribly sad and totally unacceptable situation. All kids and moms deserve to feel secure in their own homes. I’m glad you wrote and I hope you and your mom get the help you need to make your home safe.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Where can I get help about abusive dad?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Where can I get help about abusive dad?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.