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Why is my boyfriend’s Mom so rude to me?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He lives at home due to lack of money at the moment. I spend weekends here. His mother, who is generally a miserable woman ignores me and is just plain RUDE! She never says hello to me even when I greet her. She takes advantage of me when I do something for her and doesn’t even thank me. My boyfriend has said something in the past to her but nothing changes, its just her. She can be so mean to him as well. She makes dinner for the family for everyone but ME. It’s just plain rude.

i was brought up to show respect and be polite but I’m at my wits end! I know she wants us out of the house but she also knows we can’t afford it. I feel like she doesn’t take me seriously. It’s been 5 years. I want to marry him when we are financially ready. What can I do to deal with her? It upsets me so much I have to say mean things about her under my breath to calm myself. Please help!

Why is my boyfriend’s Mom so rude to me?

Answered by on -

A.

You are an uninvited guest in your future mother-in-law’s home. For some reason, she can’t bring herself to confront the issue directly so she is acting out her displeasure that you are there. My guess is that she is feeling torn between wanting her home to herself and wanting to be supportive of her son. If you have trouble understanding her feelings, think about what it would be like to finally have your own place and then have her move in with you every weekend.

I don’t know how it was decided that you would spend weekends at her home but, even if it seemed like a good idea at the time it started, it’s way past time for renegotiating the arrangement. Please remember that she is not obligated to house you and feed you every weekend.

When you approach your boyfriend’s mom, you should express your appreciation for all she has done for you and acknowledge that it may have been hard for her to have you there so much. Then see what a little honest communication brings out. If she agrees to continue your visits, you should at the very least offer to make a substantial financial contribution or do a significant amount of household work as your rightful share.

You and your boyfriend aren’t children. After 5 years together, it’s time that the two of you figure out how to support yourselves and move into your own space.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Why is my boyfriend’s Mom so rude to me?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Why is my boyfriend’s Mom so rude to me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/03/01/why-is-my-boyfriends-mom-so-rude-to-me/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.