You know what? I think your parents are both very scared people. Neither one of them is happy in their marriage. Rather than confront it straight on by either working to make it better or getting a divorce, they use you as an excuse to avoid doing either. Whenever one or the other of them gets close to getting off the fence, they start another issue about you or with you. They are so scared of change that their fear has grown bigger than their love for you and they’ve lost sight of the need to make a secure home for you to grow up in.
I think you already know that their fights and their decisions have nothing to do with you. The most important thing I can tell you is that if your folks divorce it will NOT be because of anything you said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do.You can’t solve their problem. You can’t quiet their fears. That’s up to each of them. I think they still love you. Their fear is just too big to show it right now.
No kid should have to live with the kind of fear and anxiety you are living with. If you were a few years older, you could consider getting out of the middle by getting out of the house. For now, you may not have that option unless there is a relative who might let you live with them. If there is a kind aunty or grandparent in your life, I do encourage you to talk to them and see if that is an option.
If you feel safe enough (meaning that neither will physically hurt you if you stand up for yourself), you could tell your parents that you just can’t participate in their fights any more and that when they start in you will go to your room or go to a friend’s house. Then just quietly do it. You don’t have to explain ever again. It’s far more effective if you just up and leave for awhile. If you argue with them or lecture them or show attitude, you are helping them avoid the real issues.
Finally, I encourage you to talk to a school counselor or pastor or your family doctor about what is going on so that that person can talk to your parents. It’s likely they really don’t realize what they are doing to you. Someone with a little authority might be able to get their attention and push them to get their priorities straight.
I wish you well.