Q. I think I might have BPD: When I was younger I was neglected by my parents because my father was too busy being a drug addict and an alcoholic and my mother was too busy brushing all my families problems under the carpet to recognize what was happening to all of us. My father eventually ended up leaving, getting sober and starting a completely new life, without me in it. Over the years I’ve suffered from extreme mood swings, depression, extreme anxiety attacks, and violent rages ending in self mutilation. Also I sleep around and do drugs. I contemplate suicide almost everyday. I get mad over the littlest things and I only see my point of view. Sometimes I will hold grudges for a very long time and other times I forget completely about what I did/said or why I was mad. In romantic relationships, I am very clingy and often scare people away because I either have a violent rage, cheat on the person I’m with or, am so clingy I want to be with the person 24/7. In situations with boyfriends, if I get mad, I will flip out completely and then an hour later I will apologize and beg the person to forgive me or take me back, etc. If the person breaks up with me, I feel like I’ll never be worthy of anyone’s love, and I blame myself completely for whatever went wrong. I feel like I’m only good for sex, so I usually sleep around. I justify the fact that men use me for sex because I think that’s all I’m good for. I usually develop feelings for the men I sleep with and it ends up in me hating myself more because they don’t feel the same. I hate the person I am, I hate the way I look, I often compare myself to every other woman I see or meet. I have extremely low self esteem and am very confused about who I am. I often feel like I myself and my family never measure up to my own standards. I don’t have a lot of close friends because one day I will love them and the next day I will absolutely hate them and I wont answer or return their calls. And people usually get sick of my mood swings and stop liking me. My mother and sister find me very hard to live with because of my extreme mood swings. I have seen a psychologist who recommended that I try to reconnect with my father to fill “the void I was feeling,” I took her advice and contacted him, it ended up hurting me more because he still didn’t have time for me. She also recommended I contact my doctor about medication for depression but my doctor seemed like she thought I was making everything up because of my age. I realize that there is defiantly something wrong with me and I don’t want to continue to act this way – I want to figure out why I am the way I am. Do I have Borderline Personality Disorder?Do You Think I Have Borderline Personality Disorder?
Do You Think I Have Borderline Personality Disorder?
Because I only receive short, written glimpses into the lives of individuals who write in to ask a question, I can never ethically give someone a reliable or accurate diagnosis over the Internet. So to answer your direct question about whether or not you have borderline personality disorder would be impossible.
What I can tell from your letter is that you seem to be suffering with a host of issues. You have problems with relationships, managing your feelings, feeling that you are not worthy of love, and much more. These symptoms must cause you great anguish.
I know that you have seen a therapist in the past and that you did not have a good experience. Her advice about meeting your father was clearly a mistake, a mistake that unfortunately you had to pay for. This is a prime example of how a bad therapist can actually hurt rather than help. I am sorry you had this experience. It would have been much more helpful for her to help you work through the pain and rejection you felt as a result of your father leaving you.
I know that there are many good therapists available and with the right therapist you can change your life for the better. You can learn how to have better relationships, how not to cling to people, how to act in a more appropriate way, and much more. A good therapist can model for you a new approach to dealing with problems. He or she can teach you how to think differently about yourself and better ways to manage your emotions. The issues that you are facing are very treatable and with the right therapist, you can change your behavior and feelings. My advice is that you really try and find a therapist who you like and trust to help you live a better life. Take care.