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When there are red flags in a relationship.

I am working with a group of women who have a history of being in abusive relationships. We have been discussing red flags, and they want to know how to end a relationship as soon as they see warning signs. They need advice on how to end it within the first few dates, before things get serious.

When there are red flags in a relationship.

A.

Generally adults know after only a few dates whether there is potential in a relationship or not. There’s no need for drama if they want to end it. Either party can simply say something like, “You’re a great person but I know what I’m looking for and this just isn’t a match. It’s nothing about you. You’re great. The chemistry just isn’t there for me. I wish you all the luck in the world in finding the right person for you and I hope you can do the same for me. Thanks for a really nice evening.” It’s important not to try to respond to “yes buts” with anything but a kind restatement that it’s not about them and it’s not something that can be fixed. Chemistry is chemistry and isn’t it too bad that it just isn’t there.

I strongly suggest that the women role play how to end a date like this until they are comfortable If they have difficulty asserting themselves this way, please talk with them about how it is their right to decide not to pursue a relationship. They don’t even have to have a reason. Who someone finds attractive is a matter of taste. There is no arguing with that.

I wish them all well,
Dr. Marie

When there are red flags in a relationship.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). When there are red flags in a relationship.. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 23, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/01/09/when-there-are-red-flags-in-a-relationship/

 

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 10 Jan 2008
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jan 2008
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.