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9 year old doesn’t listen, talks back

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My 9 year old daughter doesn’t want to listen at all. When she doesn’t get her way she says everybody hates her. Nothing I am doing is working. I’ve tried taking away things. I’ve tried positive Reinforcement. What to do????? She is acting out in school almost every day. She talks back to adults.

9 year old doesn’t listen, talks back

Answered by on -


Sometimes trying everything is as ineffective as doing nothing. From your daughter’s point of view, she never knows what reaction to expect from you. I realize you’ve been trying first one thing, then another, in an effort to find a method of discipline that will work. But the end result is that you have been terribly inconsistent so nothing is working for you. Being out of control is actually scary for children. It’s like being in a runaway car and not knowing where the brakes are. She’s counting on you to figure out how to help her learn to behave. You need to feel more confident that you can manage her, especially before she reaches the teen years.

There are many ways to parent children.You need to find one system that feels right for you and stick to it. You also need some support for yourself since it will probably be hard going, at least at first. For one thing, your daughter will have trouble believing that you mean what you say. She will test you until it becomes clear that you are firmly committed to using the method you have chosen.

I strongly suggest that you get involved in a parent education class. Usually 8 to 12 parents get together on a weekly basis with a trained facilitator to learn new parenting skills and to get some much needed support and encouragement. I did a little research for your area and found these organizations:

Parents Anonymous® of Phoenix, Arizona at UMOM New Day Centers, (602) 889-3594.

The American Red Cross sometimes offers parenting classes: Red Cross 602-336-6661

The Arizona Adlerian Association offers workshops and classes. Adlerian Association

I can’t endorse a particular group since I don’t know the people personally but you could call and investigate what they have to offer. Ask your child’s teacher or school counselor what they would recommend as well.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

9 year old doesn’t listen, talks back

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). 9 year old doesn’t listen, talks back. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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