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Fiance left but still says he wants me

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My fiance of 2 years recently left and decided he needed time away.He wouldnt talk to me at all but came over one night i believe for a “booty call” and made kept saying how he loved me and didnt want anyne else. I sat there and thought the day after about how can that be true if he won’t talk to me and says he has to move out of the apt. He says all these things but i haven’t seen him and when he came over one day when i wasnt there he left hs phone behind and in it were calls from a girl and text messages that were kinda decieving to me and so i confronted him about it and he got all mad that i would think he would go out and try sleeping with someone else and all this stuff and i was like well i mean i never see you you don’t talk to me how do i know what your even doing??..I don’t really know what to think I want this to work and i want to continue our relationship but i don’t know how if he isn’t going to be reasonable and actually be in my life..I mean his stuff is still at the apt he has some of his clothes but its like killing me because i don’t know why he would jsut up and leave me hanging like that if he really loves me the way he says he does.. He says he can’t trust me just because i talked to an ex boyfriend that he knew i was friends with before we dated..i just need an opinion

Fiance left but still says he wants me

Answered by on -

A.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is in a classic case of wanting things both ways: He wants to keep you as an option while he explores other relationships. He isn’t sharing his life with you. He isn’t talking to you about what’s important. He is making all the decisions about your relationship and leaving you to react to them. Meanwhile he is dropping in for sex and using your apartment for storage. He isn’t being at all fair to you. My opinion? Put his stuff in boxes and tell him to pick it up. Don’t sit around the apartment. It makes you too sad. Start going out with friends and meeting other men. If he wants to see you, only do it if he is willing to talk honestly about what is going on with him and what he thinks about your future together. If he can’t be a partner in working things through now, he certainly isn’t a good bet for a long time marriage. As hard as it is, I think it is better to face that and move on.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Fiance left but still says he wants me

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Fiance left but still says he wants me. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/26/fiance-left-but-still-says-he-wants-me/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.