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Boyfriend wants to be her first baby!

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im 19 years old and im 6 month pregnant. my boy friend is 23 years old and we both are new to this pregnancy thing. when i first found out i was pregnant i was happy and so was he. then i realize, me being the mother, i would really have to change a lot of things about my life. I wouldnt be able to party like i use to and go out as much as i did. at first this thought scared me but i came to accept it. as for the father, since he not the one pregnant, was partying as much as he can before the baby came. I was really stress about it but he had changed somewhat. He now has a job. We use to live together but i decided to move back home with my mother until i give birth. I feel i would get better support from mom. While I am in san jose and he is in san francisco i have seen a lot of things in are relationship that i didnt see when we lived together. I understand he is going through he’s own situation because he is scared of being a father. I understand he works all day but sometimes i dont think he tries to understand me. Like recently he went out and got himself introuble with the law and now he has to go to court. I feel as if he doesnt even think of me and the baby like he should. He works all the time but i never got to spend any of the money, not even on are baby. He’s always complaining about having to pay his lawyer and all this other stuff but to me its like he did it to himself. I buy everything for are baby and I bring myself to go apply for things the baby need like wic and medical.i have bills to but i find away to get things the baby needs.i find away to think of others.

What also gets me mad is that when i have money he doesnt even have to ask me for money…i end up giving him some money because i know he needs to get gas and eat….but when it comes to my needs i feel like i cant go to him because we’ll end up arguing. I dont need him to buy something exspensive for the baby..but a pack of bottles would be nice. Its his son to. Also….i feel he doesnt want to compromise with me. When i lived with him I made a decision to leave san jose to be with him. I dont drive so it was hard for me down there in san francisco but i stayed because i wanted to be with him. I didnt know anyone there and when we would argue i didnt have my license so i couldnt leave to get space from him. I has ask him to stay down here in san jose with me and he sed no. He didnt even try to compromise. I didnt want us to live in san jose forever just until we get are finacial situation seatle. I dont understand why he didnt want to come down here with me…i gave up everything for him. I was so lonely in san francisco but i stayed for him.

i try to talk to him about this but it seems like he doesnt understand….i feel as if he is being selfish, greedy and it hurts me because i feel like im fallin out of love with him. I want me and him to work because of are baby…but i dont know how much longer i can wait for him to change. sometimes i get so fustraited i find myself crying to sleep and when i bring the issue up he always say ” life not that hard.” what does that mean? and he say things like omg this problem agen….i just dont know what to do. im hoping when the baby finally out he would realize that he has to change….i just cant depend on him right now and its killin me…..

Boyfriend wants to be her first baby!

Answered by on -

A.

I’m so, so sorry that your boyfriend has disappointed you so much, especially with a baby coming. From all you told me, he isn’t being a partner for you. It seems like he wants to trade places with the baby! He lets you take care of him, give him money, find out how to get services you need, sacrifice for him, and love him but he doesn’t return much at all. Instead he throws tantrums and takes more from you emotionally and materially. That’s behavior we expect from children under the age of 3. But at least children love us unconditionally and certainly and we have the pleasure of watching them grow and grow up. It is not being selfish, greedy, or unreasonable to ask a grown man to act like one.

I’m glad you had a home to go home to. You have your Mom’s support and the baby has helped you become more mature. That’s a good foundation for a new family. Now you are going to have to find a way to give your son the life you want to give him. Turn your attention and energy away from the boyfriend and to this coming new life.

Miracles happen. Your boyfriend might wake up to his responsibilities and to the joy of fatherhood. But please don’t count on it. It doesn’t look likely. Hopefully you will find a man who can love and cherish you and your son as you both deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Boyfriend wants to be her first baby!

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Boyfriend wants to be her first baby!. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 25, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/25/boyfriend-wants-to-be-her-first-baby/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.