Why oh why have you two not found yourselves a therapist? From what you’ve told me, your wife is suffering from depression and perhaps from post traumatic stress disorder. In addition to having had a critical father and several abusive relationships, she was sexually assaulted. She thought you were finally a man she could trust. Then you lost it and hit her. On top of that, she is pregnant, tired, over-worked and probably scared of the financial situation. It’s no wonder to me that she isn’t interested in being open to you sexually and is turning to comfort food instead. It’s probably all she can do to hold it together!
Meanwhile, you have troubles of your own. You’ve been unemployed. You’re watching the bank account evaporate. You have primary parenting responsibilities for a toddler and there’s a baby on the way. As frustrated as you are with your wife, you are also worried about her but have been unable to help her.
My take on the situation is this: For you, sex would be a comfort and a way to be close and to rebuild trust. For your wife, sex is yet another demand as well as a reminder of how much men have hurt her. She needs closeness and trust to be rebuilt before she can allow herself to be intimate with you again. You two need support and help to bring you back together.
Please ask your doctor, clergy person, or friends for a referral to a couples therapist. If you could solve this on your own, you would have done so already. You live in a city with many therapy centers, clinics, and therapists in private practices offer a sliding fee scale for people in financial difficulty.
I wish you well.