Q: I’m scared just writing this. I’m confused and lost and I don’t know what to do. I self-harm nearly daily on my arms,wrists,neck and legs, sometimes deep, sometimes not. I’m only 13 years old and have tried to commit suicide 3 times. I also sometimes make myself throw up and haven’t been eating much lately. I don’t seem to be able to sleep much anymore either and I get extremely tired during the day.
I know you must get loads of messages like this, but I am in real need of someone as this has been going on for more than 1 1/2 years. My parents seperated when I was 7 and it hurt, but neither of them have talked to me about it. Recently my brother left to go to university and left me alone with my stepdad and mum fighting again and again. I don’t talk to my stepdad, he obviously hates me, the only time he does talk to me is to call me names or say I’m hopeless. I don’t get to see my dad often, my mum’s resistant to it, even though she doesn’t notice me when I’m there. I can’t remember the last time she said she loved me.
I’m a very shy and reserved person in school and I hate having to be with other kids. I never show people if I’m upset or angry, I’m afraid of hurting them, even if they’ve hurt me. I don’t know if I need a therapist, I don’t want one anyway, it’ll just bring trouble to my family, and I’d hate it if they found out I was depressed. I told my friend once, she started threatening and made me feel ashamed, then one day she was texting me from her stepdad’s phone and he found out, he used to be a paramedic and said to my friend to tell him if I get any worse for me to get checked into the hospital. I stopped telling her stuff then.
Right now I can’t think of anything to live for, I dislike my family, my friends have changed and I’m there, watching it pass, feeling as if I’m not there with them. My p.e teacher found out, and she threatened me too. I’ve been thinking of resorting to drugs/alcohol lately, at least it would numb my emotions right? I just want to pick a direction and walk that way, no money, no food or spare clothes, just keep on walking until I die y’know? I cry at night and I can’t keep still, it’s like my body’s somehow crying out for help, but there’s no one there to listen to it. There are many other reasons and feelings/thoughts I don’t understand, but it would take to long to write. Please help me. Thank you very much if you read it all, and sorry it was so long.
Depression and suicidal thoughts
I know you are scared and I am glad you wrote asking for help. Now it is time to take the next step and REALLY ask for help. You need to find a therapist as soon as possible! These problems that you have are very serious and you could really hurt yourself. You need to speak with someone who specializes in helping teens with the issues that you are struggling with. Try talking to your mom or dad and let them know how unhappy you are. If you just can’t do that or it doesn’t get you anywhere you can try checking the internet for ways to get help.
I found this site that might help you get the information you need:
http://www.mentalhealthwales.net/mhw/ or call 0800 0858 119. You also need to understand that your friend and her stepdad and your PE teacher are not trying to get you in trouble, they are trying to help. You need to keep talking until someone really listens and finds you the help you need. It sounds like you have had some difficult things to deal with in your life but there are ways to cope and feel better without hurting yourself. Please don’t hurt yourself anymore and do not try drugs and alcohol. These will only add to your problems even more. You were brave to write your question, now be brave and get some professional help. It will get better! Good luck.