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Is calling an ex cheating?

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(Edited to protect privacy.) About a month ago my wife started to communicate with her ex after 8 years of not seeing him. Her and I have been together for 7+ years and married for 3+ years. I actually talked to him about it and says he needed to appologize for what he did to her when he left. Now he lives in one state and we 500 miles away. However he just happened to fly into town last week to “visit family” and miraculously my wife wanted, and has, gone to the same area his family is in, to now “visit her mom” and then drive another 3 hours to “visit” our 14 yr old who is in private school. Anyways, she is now on her way up there to see these people but swears it is all a big coincidence that he happens to be in the same area.

There have been so many issues in our marriage that I don’t know where else to go or what to do! I love my wife and kids with all my heart, but today my heart is in a mud puddle with her foot print on it. She doesn’t think it is a big deal and thinks I should trust that she is not going to see him.

Oh and by the way just last week she had been so angry at her mother after years of being pushed around by her that she said she did not want anything to do with her again and that she would never talk to her stepfather ever again because of disliking him so much. But again she is now on her way there to spend the night in their home! Help Please! What do I do and is calling an ex like this cheating….and do you believe she is not going to see him?

Is calling an ex cheating?

Answered by on -


What I believe isn’t important. What’s important is that you don’t trust your wife and your wife isn’t taking your feelings into account by leaving when you are this upset. It may be admirable that the ex wanted to apologize. Given your concerns, however, I think he should have done so in your living room with both you and your wife present or by letter, email, or phone.

Your marriage is in some serious trouble. You say that there have been issues for many years. Something seems to be coming to a head. I strongly urge you to seek out couples counseling to see if you and your wife can rebuild the respect and trust that should be there. If your wife won’t go, please go yourself. It seems to me that you need some support and help to sort out what is going on and to decide how to handle it in such a way that you protect your kids and give your marriage a chance.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Is calling an ex cheating?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Is calling an ex cheating?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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