Q. For a few years now, I have had issues with relationships. I have periods of constant bickering and irritability with friends and family; resulting in the end of some relationships. Lately I have felt worse, overreacting and crying for little or no reason, feeling hopeless and empty, and lashing out. I feel the need to be in control and I know I am pushing my boyfriend away. I can also be very fun, outgoing and caring. I always have blamed others for my mistakes but I’m tired of losing and or hurting those I love, so I need a major change. The hard part is realizing what the real problem is. Any advice?

A. Thanks for writing. It may be difficult for you to know on your own exactly what is at the source of the problem. You know that it’s “something” but just what is eating away at you and causing you to behave in such a manner towards the ones you love? My advice is that you seek out a therapist to help you get back to the fun-loving and outgoing person who you can be. Going to a therapist does not mean you’re “sick,” it just means that you need someone to help you rid yourself of all of these negative thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviors so that you can get back to living and being who you were meant to be.

What I like about your letter especially is that you realized that you have blamed others for your mistakes and that you are tired of hurting those who you love. This realization is very insightful, an extremely difficult declaration to make about yourself and shows that you’re a prime candidate for therapy. You’re open and ready to change; you just need a little guidance. My advice is to see a therapist and work to get back to that healthy and caring person you know you are capable of being. Take care.