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How can I talk to my husband about sex?

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Q: When my husband and I make love he sometimes likes to do some activities that I don’t like it because sometimes when he does it it end’s up hurting me. So how I can tell him to stop it without him being mad at me for that? I love making love to him, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t like some of the things he does (content edited). My stomach end’s up hurting too when he’s done with that. Sometimes he feel’s on my breast’s too in public and in front of children and I feel uncomfortable about that. He doesn’t care what he does in front of me or on me whether it’s out in public or not. What should I say or do to him?

How can I talk to my husband about sex?

Answered by on -


It is time that you learn how to stand up for yourself. You are an adult and your body is your body. It is very important that you communicate clearly about what is OK and not OK for someone to do to your body. I know that talking openly about sex can be difficult for some people but it is also the best way to increase intimacy and connection. If your husband gets mad I would say that that is his problem not yours, as long as you handle it in a caring and sensitive way.

Maybe you can just have a general conversation about “how we’re doing” and then take it into the sexual area as part of the bigger discussion. Let him know what kind of things you like about your relationship and what areas you hope the two of you can work on. You can also just work on giving him more verbal direction during your love making… ask for what you want and guide him. If you just can’t do this on your own maybe you can enter couples therapy and address the issues with the help of a counselor. Good luck…and speak up.

How can I talk to my husband about sex?

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). How can I talk to my husband about sex?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.