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His girlfriend won’t get a job!

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My girlfriend and I have been living together for about a year with her two kids. She won’t get a job because she says it will cost a lot of money to put her 4 year old in day care. She also tells me she does not want to start a career somewhere if we’re going to get married and she’s going to get pregnant. She has very bad credit and she spends what little money she has mostly on things other than bills. I pay for about 90% of things in the household to include all the bills, food, and gas. Her other son is 11 years old and goes to school. Do you think she has a valid excuse or should she get a job. We constantly fight about money almost on a daily basis. Please help!

His girlfriend won’t get a job!

Answered by on -

A.

You have a much bigger problem than the fight about whether she should have a job. The two of you are not acting as a team. She is saying what she will and won’t do and then leaves it to you to work around her decisions. This is no way to run a relationship and certainly is not a good basis for a marriage.

Decisions about how the two of you are going to support your family, who will do what chores, whether she should get pregnant again, how money should be spent, how children should be raised, etc. should be mutual decisions. You need to talk about these things until you understand each other’s point of view and can arrive at consensus or compromise. The time to work on how you are going to make decisions is before you get married. You are now laying down the foundation for how you will deal with differences and with conflict. If that foundation isn’t solid, your marriage won’t stand a chance.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

His girlfriend won’t get a job!

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). His girlfriend won’t get a job!. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/10/29/his-girlfriend-wont-get-a-job/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.