I am 35 weeks pregnant and we are having our first baby. We have been married about 8 months and I am starting to feel like he is cheating on me. I feel very unattractive and he works two jobs, but sometimes he is supposed to be off but all of a sudden says he has to go to work. He sometimes does not kiss me or show any type of affection until he showers, and sometimes he smells like another woman or like he has not been at work like he usually smells when he comes home from work. A lot of women hit on him and I feel that he would actually cheat on me because we are having a lot of problems in our marriage. What can I do? He says that he is not, but I can’t help but disagree and feel like he is or already has.8 months pregnant and worried he’s cheating.
8 months pregnant and worried he’s cheating.
I’m so sorry the birth of your first baby is being clouded by difficulties in your marriage. Since you married after you discovered you were pregnant and you are so young, I’m guessing that this wasn’t a planned pregnancy. You and your husband might have been in love but the pregnancy hurried the very big decisions to marry and to start a family. It would not be unusual for both of you to be having second thoughts or maybe to be just plain scared of all the responsibilities you have taken on. The baby is certainly a very visible presence in your lives already.
When people feel scared, they sometimes do foolish things to protect themselves or to escape the feelings. I don’t know if your husband is cheating as a way to try to avoid his fears about what it means to become a father. I also don’t know if your fear of the responsibilities of motherhood is making you hypersensitive. What I do understand from your letter is that the two of you are fighting when ideally you should be making your marriage safe and secure both for yourselves and for your coming baby.
What should you do? I think you should find yourselves a good family therapist as quick as you can. You have one more month to prepare for your baby. If you use that time wisely, you and your husband could make a much more loving and trusting relationship before the baby arrives. If your husband won’t go, please go yourself. You could use the added support during this difficult time. Click on the Looking for a Therapist? link on the homepage of PsychCentral for help finding a therapist in your city.
I wish you all well.