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Home » Husband’s ex keeps calling and calling.

Husband’s ex keeps calling and calling.

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My husband’s ex keeps calling. They have a three year old son but she phones sometimes 3 times a day and if not she is texting him. This does not happen much when we have the boy but when she is looking after him she is phoning all the time for silly things. I get the impression that she is trying to make sure that when she has the boy she does not want my husband to forget that she is there. How could I stop this? I don’t like to have a go at my husband but who do I ? It upsets me lots. I don’t want to rock the boat and not get to have the boy at the house with us. Please help !!!

Husband’s ex keeps calling and calling.

Answered by on -

A.

It occurs to me that the boy’s mother might just be very, very insecure about her ability to mother. You say that she doesn’t call when you have the little boy with you. That suggests that she trusts that you and your husband know what to do to take care of him and that she knows that her son won’t forget her when he’s at your house.

If I’m on to something, the solution is to help your husband talk with her about what she needs to do to feel more confident as a parent. It’s unfair to him for her to rely so heavily on him. Is there someone else she can talk to like an older relative or family friend? The little boy’s pediatrician might be able to refer her to a parenting skills group or a family therapist who could give her the coaching she needs.

Meanwhile, it might be helpful if you talked to your husband about his former wife’s need to be more independent and your need to have some uninterrupted couple time with him. Decide together what is a reasonable amount of contact. What issues are important enough for her to check in with him? If he can talk calmly to his ex about these limits and get some agreement, he won’t have to be always “on call.” My guess is that it would be a relief to him as well as to you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Husband’s ex keeps calling and calling.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Husband’s ex keeps calling and calling.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/09/29/husbands-ex-keeps-calling-and-calling/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.