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12 Steps aren’t working for me.

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I would like to thank you for writing the “Husband is having affair with codeine” article yesterday and my wife for forwarding it to me. You see, I mimic the husband in that article with a few minor data differences and that rather than having been married for 2 1/2 years, we have been together for 27. I have tried and failed 12 step programs. I have great difficulties being honest with everyone, most importantly myself, with my disease. I want to take responsibility to manage my disease but don’t know how, when every fiber of my being screams to continue what I have been doing. Any suggestions?

12 Steps aren’t working for me.

Answered by on -


How many times would you jiggle a locked door before you gave up and went out a window? 12 Step Programs have done lots of good for a lot of people. But these programs don’t work for all of the people all of the time. You are apparently one of the folks for whom the 12 steps either aren’t enough or aren’t the right ones. Quit fooling yourself (and giving your wife false hopes) by going back to the same kind of program. It’s time for a change. Get yourself to a substance abuse therapist who uses the Rational Recovery model. Good luck.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

12 Steps aren’t working for me.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). 12 Steps aren’t working for me.. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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