You’ve given me a ton of troubles. But you know what? I don’t think you are looking at what is at the center of it all. You are in your forties. You and your wife have been together 18 years. And you have an 11 month old? All the things you mentioned as possible sources of trouble (money, chores, family) have always been there except one: Your little son.
It looks to me like neither one of you was quite prepared for how your lives would change with parenthood. Your wife is acting anxious and insecure and in love with her baby. I suspect that if you were honest about it, you are feeling pretty overwhelmed yourself. You are trying to solve emotional issues by either responding to the content of what she says or by using various methods of avoidance which only make her more anxious and insecure. You’re both missing the point. Having children is a major, major life change. You two need to figure out how to shift from being a couple to being a parenting team.
Take a big step back and talk about your goals now that you are a family. What roles do you think you should each take in making the family work? How are you going to handle money, chores, childcare, and family involvement now? Probably most important, how are you both going to give your baby time and attention and love and still have some time and attention and love for each other? If you have some older and wiser friends who have been successful parents, they might be a resource for you. If not, I think you should look for a family therapist to coach you through this important transition in your lives.
Going into separate corners won’t help you learn to be a family. I hope for your own sakes and for the sake of your little boy, you and your wife find the courage to give these issues the time and effort they deserve.
I wish you all well,