I am a single mother of a 6 year old. My daughter has never met her father. She hates any man I date and is so mean. She treats the man I am dating horribly. She is so sneaky and mean to him. She tells me she’s afraid that she will have a daddy. She hates any type of change and threatens to live with my parents if I have a boyfriend. She treats my boyfriend like awful. He treats her amazing. How do I make her realize that my boyfriend is not a threat to her and that he makes mommy happy.My daughter hates anyone I date.
My daughter hates anyone I date.
This is a tough one. From you daughter’s point of view, she has everything to lose if you have a boyfriend. She’s been the center of your life and your attention for her whole little life. Why would she want that to change? She’s not mature enough to be sympathetic to your needs. She’s terrified that if you love someone else, there will be less love for her.
My best advice to you is to go very slow. Unless you have been seeing this man for at least 4 or 5 months and are pretty sure the relationship is going somewhere, it’s not wise to push her into having a relationship with him. It’s confusing to young children to have people move in and out of their lives. It also frightens many children. They wonder, “If you can fall in and out of love with men, can you fall out of love with me?”
Meet your boyfriend when she is in school or visiting a friend. Meanwhile, you can talk about him, sharing funny stories and sweet things he does to help her get to know him. At the same time, reassure her that she has all your “mommy love” and he is getting some of your “grown up love.” Explain that it is two different things.
She needs to learn that when you go away, you come back to her. If possible, arrange for times when you get a sitter to go out with girlfriends or just out by yourself as well as when you have a date. Get her used to you going out and coming back. Once your daughter is more secure, you can start short visits with the boyfriend again; maybe just meeting for a soda at first and then building up to longer times together.
I know this may all seem like a lot of bother, especially if you are in love. But if you and your sweetheart want what is best for all of you over the long term, you need to be okay with pulling back a little and starting over.
I wish you well.