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How do I distance from violent man I love?

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I am attempting to distance myself from a man I’ve been seeing for 7 months. I have come to realise that he suffers from psychotic episodes which resulted in violence on a number of occasions at the start of the relationship. I believe I am addicted to this man and it really scares me. He has shown me no affection or tenderness, I have spent hundreds if not thousands on meals, drinks, weekends away and he has barely acknowledged this.

Despite these signals, I come back for more and more. I am extraordinarily attracted to him and see a side of him which is tender and methodical, logical and rational, combined with a mordant wit which is really appealing to me. He intimated to me recently that we were just friends and has completely rejected any physical contact with me, to the extent that if his arm brushes against mine, he practically recoils. Despite all this, I can’t let go. I know he is pining for the love of his life, a young Russian blonde beauty who ended their relationship by taking a protection order out against him because of his violence to her. I need to find a solution to this dilemma, I need to understand why I cannot let this very unsuitable man leave my life. Thank you.

How do I distance from violent man I love?

Answered by on -


I would have to know a great deal more about you to help you understand why a smart, mature woman like yourself is ignoring the danger signals that are flashing in neon lights around this relationship. Clearly whatever is holding you isn’t rational. I can only make a few guesses: Maybe you have some idea that you can draw out that sweet, tender side of him if you just try hard enough. Maybe there is something in you that loves a challenge. Maybe you are replaying another important relationship that failed, hoping to make it come out differently this time. Whatever is the case, you can’t single-handedly make this relationship work. He doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to love you. It’s a good thing too. Apparently, he ends up hurting people he does love. If you continue to find him irresistible, please get yourself some professional help. If you could have extricated yourself by yourself you would have done so by now.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

How do I distance from violent man I love?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). How do I distance from violent man I love?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.