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Un-Happy Marriage

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Q: I have been married for 4 years. I do not feel like I have a life partner, it is like we co-exist with each other. He goes his way in the house and I go mine. I know he has depression and takes medication but he stays in his room from the time he gets in from work and I stay in the den with the kids so we have no life together. He gets aggravated at times and we then argue about it.

I just don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t blame him for everything that is going on but I have no help. When I try and talk about it with him he said he sees no problems. I feel like I am 36 years old and I don’t want to waste anymore time in a no-good relationship. What should I do for him and about him?

Un-Happy Marriage

Answered by on -

A.

It sounds like your marriage is in severe trouble. Dealing with a partner with depression can be very difficult, especially when it takes this form — withdrawal. It is a difficult line to walk in terms of understanding and working through this with him and realizing that you really don’t have an active partner or co-parent.

I would suggest the book “I Don’t Want To Talk about It” to help understand male depression but I also strongly recommend couples therapy. If he refuses to go then that also gives you more evidence that he is not invested in saving things.

Do what you can to save the relationship but if you keep hitting brick walls then you have to do what you have to in the best interest of you and your kids, which may just mean divorce. I wish you lots of luck.

Un-Happy Marriage

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Un-Happy Marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/07/29/un-happy-marriage/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.