Q. I just recently had a break up with my bf of 1.5 years. I also just graduated college in May, and honestly, it seems that all aspects of my life, everything from Caregiving part time, to being with my family, to being with my bf and working my butt off full time at school, has not been very fulfilling or meaningful to me.
I am very proud that I graduated, a lot of the times I felt I wasn’t going to make it. I wanted to give up. But now that I’ve made it, I still feel the same. I’ve been arguing with my bf so much that a week ago we decided to break it off. My family is tired of hearing of all of my problems, and they are extremely negative toward me. I feel like I’ve pushed everyone and everything away…everything that I really care about. I feel extremely lonely, and very scared.
I get really nervous and anxious. I have a habit of biting my nails, and everyone keeps telling me to stop. I have had a job as a caregiver for the past 4 years, but I have worked with clients with major mental illnesses such as Alzheimers, depression, and dementia. I really have a lot of other feelings as well, such as resentment, and hopelessness.
Everyone keeps telling me to go to a therapist, and I do think I need to, but I am extremely afraid of what will happen if I do. I feel like I’m headed for a breakdown. There are a lot of things in my past that I regret, but one major problem I have is that I think about past events and think about embarrasing they were, or how I could have done something different. I have low self-esteem. I just was hoping to have some advice on what I may be experiencing and what to do to treat it.I’m afraid to go to a therapist!
I’m afraid to go to a therapist!
You, my friend, are worn out, worn down, and worn to a frazzle! Without talking with you, I can’t tell you for sure what is wrong. But I can guess that you have been so singlemindedly going for your goal, that you haven’t taken any time to recharge your emotional “batteries.” This is not uncommon, especially for people who are in human services who often give and give and give until they have nothing left. You need some major nurturing from yourself and from others. That includes letting yourself get some rest and letting others take care of you some.
I’m going to add my vote to the everybody who tells you to see a therapist. An experienced therapist will help you break out of your feelings instead of breaking down. Instead of going around and around over past events, a therapist will help you learn from them. He or she might also recommend a little medication, temporarily, to help you settle some of that anxiety so that you are available to do the talk therapy you need.
Please ask your doctor for a referral to a kind, supportive, and experienced counselor who can give you some of the care that you have been so generously giving to others. It’s your turn.
I wish you well.