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stepkids and ex wife hurting our marrige

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My husband of three years well, we have been having problems, servere, from PAS, and my husbands kids trying to ruin our marriage.
-We have gone slow with blended family stuff, we dated, and went into this slowly for 2’1/2 yrs before moving in, then got married a year later.
– Hubs ex, has put me down, and had the kids think ill of me, and at the time the kids were too young to come up with such ideas, plus my hub knows that those are his exs words.
-The kids, now 15 & 18 are still causing trouble, saying that im yelling at them, being mean. I swear i havent. They act up when my hub is not around then i get the bad end of the stick.
– My hub and have been fighting a lot. He has a bad temper, throws things and get mad easy when it comes to them.
– You see, my hub has felt guilty of his first marriage, even though his ex cheated and throw him out. So he never disiplined his kids, nor a lot of rules, house was extremly dirty when i met him.If never wanted to get upset with his kids, so he wouldn’t lose them anymore than he has.—He used to get them more, but since i came in the ex changed that.
– So my hub is caught between me and his kids, and i dont like that. He doesn’t want to lose his kids.—they didn’t come to our wedding, they rebelled with the help of his ex to break us up.
– I cry myself to sleep, for this fighting is hurting me, and the fact of all the things we read, and help we looked into, my hub, wont stop these kids from maliupting him, and playing on his emotions. They know he is soft hearted, and such.
– I feel that if things don’t change, i cant do this anymore.
_ i have aged, and feel so low, because of all this.

no book has really helped us,this is so different than the “normal blending”

stepkids and ex wife hurting our marrige

Answered by on -

A.

I’m so sorry that you are having such a hard time. By trying so hard to be his kids’ friend, he forgot that his job is to be a parent. These children needed him to set loving limits and to help them adjust to a life with two households. Instead, he has allowed them to become tyrants and his ex to have far too much power in your marriage. He feels bad about it but is totally frustrated and overwhelmed by the situation. The result is that the kids, his ex, and now your husband are all abusing you. Of course it hurts. Of course you think about leaving.

It’s time to have a very serious talk with your husband – not a fight, a talk. Remind him that this situation isn’t good for anyone. Ask him to go with you to a counselor who specializes in stepfamilies in a last effort to try to save your marriage. You two can’t do this alone or with a book. You need to be talking to someone who can help the two of you come up with solutions that fit your unique situation and who can support you while you make some very difficult changes.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

stepkids and ex wife hurting our marrige

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). stepkids and ex wife hurting our marrige. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/06/15/stepkids-and-ex-wife-hurting-our-marrige/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.