Home » Ask the Therapist » Looking for love in the wrong place

Looking for love in the wrong place

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I am 23 years old, and My husband is 30. We have been married for 8 months, He was born with a medical condition of his heart and was told he would die by the time he hit 30. We met on the internet and he came to meet me right a way, he said he loved me from the moment he saw me, and things were going good He asked me to marry him about 6 months later. Then last year in May he went back home for a while because he had this bad feeling something was going to go wrong with his family. While there he moved back in with his Ex so he could be near his youngest son. His ex’s fiance lived there too so i dont think anything happend. But he called me and broke up with me teased me and was mean to me. A week later he called saying it was the biggest mistake he made and had to have me back so he came back to see me, Everything was going good then this winter he had some chest pains so I took him to the hostpial, The doctor said some meds needed to be adjusted but his valve would be good forever, and so my husband found out he wasnt going to die like he thought. Then he changed.
He got to where he didnt want to hang out with me anymore, he wont watch tv with me, he plays video games all the time. On valentines day and he didnt get me anything, not even a card or tell me happy valentines day.
He has just been real distant and cold i asked him about it and he said He only married me because he thought he was going to die and wanted someone to mourn over him. I do everything i can for him around the home, and its just so frustrating, he told me a few days ago he wants to leave I dont fit in with his high society family and friends i dont know what to do now. I’m not able to find a job around here because its a samll town and jobs are limited.
I love him but i cant be sure if he loves me, and i dunno wheather to support him and keep my marriage or to stay with my family who i know can take care of me. But when i moved out of my mothers place my 85 year old grandmother moved in, i lost my real home, and not sure i’ll have a place to live if he leaves.
How do i be sure what to do, and what is best. I dont want to be alone and have to start over as a divorced 23 year old.
Please help
In tears,
Mrs. Sad and Confused.

Looking for love in the wrong place

Answered by on -


Dear Sad and Confused,
I’d say you and your husband got together for all the wrong reasons. He was scared he was going to die. You were scared about being alone and maybe wanted a way out of your town and family. You may be legally married but it doesn’t sound like the two of you are emotionally married or even connected. I think you deserve far better than this. Let this guy go, figure out how to get yourself some kind of education or training and move into your own adult life. Please don’t let your husband damage your self-esteem and limit your choices. Define yourself. Maybe it’s time for you to think about college. Even if your grades weren’t terrific in high school, enough years have passed that colleges will consider you as an alternative student. If you did get good grades, great. It will make it that much easier. Go on an online college search like Peterson’s to check out your options. Yes, you can find a school you can afford. Yes, you can get student loans. Yes, there are schools that have young people in their 20’s who decided a bit later to get that degree. At school, you will meet other people your age who want to make a better life for themselves. If you are friendly, you will make friends. If you are motivated, you can get a degree amd a well-paying job. Please consider it.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Looking for love in the wrong place

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Looking for love in the wrong place. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 25, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.