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I feel lonely when I’m with my family.

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I’m 14. Lately I’ve felt really spaced out from my family and like i just want to get away. At school I’m just like any other kid. I have my “clique” and my friends, but at home I’m nothing like I am at school. I cut, I don’t talk, and I’m unheard. Why I cut I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that it isn’t helping my problems with my family, but it does give my this urge. When i cut it does feel like all of my problems just float away. I don’t talk to my family because they don’t hear me. I’m the youngest out of 4 kids and my mom and step-dad ignore me pretty much. I have more privlages then kids my age have, like being able to be out until about 1, a weekly allowence, and many more things, but it’s not satisfying. I just want my mom to hear me out. To know that I feel this way, to know that I don’t like my step-dad, and to know that ever since my dad passed away I’ve felt incomplete. Sadly, I can’t tell her these things because she doesn’t listen to me, so that why I came here.

I feel lonely when I’m with my family.

Answered by on -


You’ve already figured out several important things: Cutting doesn’t help. Having the privileges that other kids don’t have is no substitute for loving attention. Looking good on the outside isn’t enough when you’re hurting on the inside. Figuring all that out already shows me that you are a bright and insightful teen.

It sounds to me like you are still grieving your dad. Sadly, when you lost him, you also lost some of your connection with your mom. It could be that your mom can’t hear you out because revisiting old pain is too hard for her. Or maybe she just can’t stand it to think that everything isn’t okay with you. Whatever the reason, you do need some help dealing with your feelings and maybe healing your relationship with your mother.

Please think about talking with the school nurse and/or guidance counselor about what you’ve told me. You can use this letter as a way to bring up the issues. Ideally, they will be able to either help you themselves or will be able to refer you to a teen counselor who can help you and your mother talk to each other.

In the meantime, you can help yourself a lot by doing a little research on your computer. I google-searched “teens and grief” and found good information about what kids normally go through when a parent dies. If you read through some of the sites, you will feel more normal and you will perhaps find some ways to talk about what is bothering you that will help you get through to your mom.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I feel lonely when I’m with my family.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I feel lonely when I’m with my family.. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 26, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.