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Can you have a Homosexual Sexual Addiction and still be straight ?

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The person that I am worried about is my sister’s boyfriend. We’ve also been friends for 5 years. Now the problem is that he’s a great guy usually. Every once in a while he will get depressed, go out, get drunk, take drugs and end up at a gay bar where he then proceeds to hit on and pick up Drag Queens. He will then go home with them or to a hotel where they will have sex of all sorts with them both performing it on them as well as them on him. He doesn’t use any kind of protection, he doesn’t even know these guys first names. This will go on for days were he will disappear and not call anyone not come home, even turns off his cell phone so know one can find him or interupt what he is doing. The last time happened this weekend he was missing from Thursday afternoon until Sunday night. As fate would have it he actually walked out in front of her car as we were driving by a bar. When confronted by his girlfriend while he was still high and drunk and in this mode he just yelled and attacked her. He then promised to come home and stayed out instead for two more days. When he finally did come home he told us that he was trying to find a place to kill himself all day. He says that this is not what he wants out of life , that he isn’t gay which by the way would be fine I just want him to be happy, He says he can’t control this behavior. So what I need to know is can he be straight and still be having these urges to have this type of sex? What do we do to help him? Can he ever overcome these things?

Can you have a Homosexual Sexual Addiction and still be straight ?

Answered by on -


You are certainly right to be concerned. Your friend is on a very self-destructive course. He is “committing suicide” by putting himself in dangerous situations, having unprotected sex, and getting drunk and high. The question that you all should be asking is not whether he is straight or gay but what is going on that he is setting himself up to die. If you and your sister love this man, please sit him down and talk with him about getting some professional help. If he doesn’t start talking to someone who has the knowledge and skills to sort things out with him, chances are you are going to lose him. Look for a licensed psychologist or licensed social worker who specializes in sexual matters and depression. Offer to go with him if he’s scared. Reassure him you’ll love him no matter what (if it’s true). Let him know that there is no secret so terrible that it’s worth dying for. If he protests that he can take care of it, don’t believe it. If he could, he would have done so by now. Stick with him. Stick by him.
I wish you all well.
Dr. Marie

Can you have a Homosexual Sexual Addiction and still be straight ?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Can you have a Homosexual Sexual Addiction and still be straight ?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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