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Home » Ask the Therapist » Husband leaves in midst of fertility treatments.

Husband leaves in midst of fertility treatments.

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ThI’m absolutely devastated and heartbroken. My husband has landed a bombshell on me – he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He wants to be alone. Until very recently, 3 weeks t be exact I thought our life was perfect. Ok, I knew we needed to shake things up a bit but we were trying for a baby (going through fertility treatment) and life was good – or so I thought anyway.
He told me this after we had bickered (and bickered was really only ever what we did – very rarely did we have blazing rows). Anyway he told me that he wanted to try at our relationship but he needed space. I had suspicions that prehaps he’d met someone he’d rather be with or had been having an affair. Last Thursay I found flirty sexy text messsages on his mobile phone to another woman. I’ve also seen emails of the same nature. Needless to say I’m completely devastated and gutted. He’s sworn that they were silly playful messages that hadn’t amounted to anything and he doesn’t know why he sent them. It’s taken me until today (Monday) to know for sure that there was nothing going on between them (I text her from his mobile pretending to be him). But it still hurts and it feels like he’s been unfaithful to me anyway.
Now for the confusing part. He says that he still loves me and always will. He’s also said that he’s still IN love with me and that he just wants to be by himself. If he’s not with me he doesn’t want to be with anybody. But something is missing and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. He feels things have gone too far to go back, even though I’ve told him that I’d forgive him.
We’ve only been married 2 years and 8 months, together for almost 8 years. And he hasn’t shed a tear (not that he’s the most emotional of people). I feel cheated out of the promises we made together – of the life that we planned. I always thought we’d make it and that I’d be waking up next to him when I’m 80. He says that I’ve done nothing wrong. I can’t believe he’s done this to me. And the hard part is, whenever anything in life has gone wrong he’s been there for me, but now this has all happened I really miss his comforting arms and him telling me that everything will be ok.
I’ve suggested just about everything. He won’t come to marriage counseling either. I just don’t know what to do with myself. One minute I think right I’m moving on but the next I’m begging him not to leave me. My head is messed up.
I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, my husband, my soul mate, a baby that I never even had, my home and his family.
Will my pain ever end? Will I ever be able to trust another man? I feel like I’m losing the will to live. It’s like a never ending nightmare. I keep thinking this can’t be happening . . . . but it is.

Husband leaves in midst of fertility treatments.

Answered by on -

A.

Of course you are devastated. You two have been together since you were only 20 so you’ve been growing up together. My only guess about what may be going on is that something about trying to have a baby scared this man. Instead of dealing with whatever his issue is, he is distancing from the marriage. Would you stay with him even if it meant not having children? If so, it might help to tell him so. You should at least try to talk about it.
If there really is no turning back, the sudden end of such a good relationship is like a traumatic death. It’s far too early to think about whether you will trust another man. You are grieving and you need to give yourself time. If you continue to feel like you are losing the will to live, please get yourself a counselor to help you through this most difficult time. Let your friends love you and support you too.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Husband leaves in midst of fertility treatments.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Husband leaves in midst of fertility treatments.. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/04/28/husband-leaves-in-midst-of-fertility-treatments/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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