Wow! What a bundle of problems! No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed and confused. But you know what? A whole lot of people your age (yup- even guys) go through a lot of the same things. I know that probably doesn’t make you feel a whole lot better but I want you to know that you are normally abnormal, not crazy. So – let’s sort this out. It seems to me that trying to solve so many problems at once is preventing you from solving any of them at all.
The long-distance romance is a great distraction but you already know it’s not going anywhere. She’s four states away and you’ve cheated on her at least twice. Meanwhile, there are at least a couple of local girls who either interest you or are interested in you – without the complications of trying to manage the distance. Of course, that may be exactly why you stay caught up with the far away girl: A real relationship means a real effort to relate to someone every day and you said you’re a shy person. Personally, I think you will get further by dealing with the stress of learning how to be in a real relationship than by dealing with the drama of the long distance one.
Then there’s the partying and knowing that your parents don’t approve. Yeah, you get away with using but you feel bad about it and you don’t like it that you have lost some measure of trust. You want your parents to be less involved but you worry them enough that they get more involved. I MEAN, COME ON. If you want trust, you have to be trust-worthy. If you want your parents to gradually let go and start treating you as an adult, you have to start becoming that more mature person who is struggling to get out.
Meanwhile, you sound like you may be developing a depression from all the pressures inside and out. So — please think about finding a counselor to talk to. Counselors don’t judge. They work with you to help you figure out what you want to do and how to find your best self. If you could have done this yourself, you would have done it already. Writing to me was a good first step. Now gather up your courage, follow through, and get yourself some support.
I wish you well.