Home » Ask the Therapist » I’m 16 and lost.

I’m 16 and lost.

Asked by on with 1 answer:

Well first thing im obviously sixteen. I don’t know where to begin but here goes nothing… About six months back I was caught smoking weed.. arrested and the problems that came with it were not worth it and i’m still facing some of those consequences. Point is my parents don’t really trust me anymore even though i do want them to but i still do it i won’t lie i just hide it now and don’t do it as often. I want to quit everynow and then but i like it and i don’t think its that bad in my opinion. Other thing is I met this girl online a while back but she lives 4 states away. We hooked up on New Years. its been three months relationship so far and she is kinda my first girlfriend… well first girl that means anything to me but ITS SO HARD i thought i could keep a long distance relationship and make it but i am at a dead end… I LOVE HER but wow the drama she brings even though she lives so far away and i just don’t know how to explain myself anymore…. Okay well first month she was able to talk to me on the phone but then some events happened over there and now she can’t talk to me on the phone her mom found out and she wants her to break it up with me.. I haven’t talked to her in 2 months on the phone but she has been texting me and i cant stand it.I told my parents about her so they say its my choice but they are pressuring me into breaking up with her and same with my friends. Lately i have been partying and making some stupid decisions while under the influence. I cheated on her and i feel so guilty and i might be a dad now… some 20 year old first time i ever met and i regret it and she was my first. I LOVE my girlfriend but im not up for a long distance relationship and i am scared of hurting her by breaking up with her because she has had many problems before and she says im only one that means something to her and make her live. Parents also keep pressuring me about college and applying for college and getting a life and moving on and WORK and all these extra stresses. I like this girl here in the city and i want to hook up with her but my girlfriend is getting in the way because i dont want to feel bad about cheating on her which i already did and i hate myself for it. I feel like all the guys at her school will take advantage of her because she is beautiful which they have been is why she is depressed. Shes a hassle but there is nothing i wouldn’t do for her. I Just need help and guidance. i have been stressed and depressed and its hurting my grades in school. I want to move out of my house as well, i cant stand the control my parents have on me. I drink i smoke i have sex im depressed and i dont know what to do. Another girl comes into the picture last weekend and WHAT DO YOU KNOW …. I cheated again on the girlfriend . I AM AT A DEAD END. I want to break up with my girlfriend and yet i don’t want to because she is my first girlfriend and means alot to me, yet i feel horrible for cheating on her 2 times I MEAN COME ON! ALl those movies where the guy gets caught cheating why couldn’t she catch me so it could be over… O i know why 4 states are in the way.. (Sarcasm)< < helps me get through hard situations when i try to make a good spin on it. thats the first issue... 2nd issue i dont kn0w what to do with my parents... i want them off my back and they keep telling me to talk to them about drinking and smoking but yet they threatened to take me to a clinic....< is that a motive for me to tell them even though they would take me to rehab i just wanna have fun. I wanna drink and smoke without them getting mad and if they do i want to be able to live on my own. i just dont know. What else..? I am shy in person and i dont know how to pursue the girl/s i like... I KNOW I CANT MAKE UP MY MIND. i Put on a smile everyday and pretend everything is fine but im so torn inside its to the point where icry myself to sleep some days and I KNOW blah blah im a guy i shouldn't cry whatever i can't help it.Please answer this soon i need this more than anything right now i have nobody to tlak to about all these problems this is a last resort.

I’m 16 and lost.

Answered by on -


Wow! What a bundle of problems! No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed and confused. But you know what? A whole lot of people your age (yup- even guys) go through a lot of the same things. I know that probably doesn’t make you feel a whole lot better but I want you to know that you are normally abnormal, not crazy. So – let’s sort this out. It seems to me that trying to solve so many problems at once is preventing you from solving any of them at all.

The long-distance romance is a great distraction but you already know it’s not going anywhere. She’s four states away and you’ve cheated on her at least twice. Meanwhile, there are at least a couple of local girls who either interest you or are interested in you – without the complications of trying to manage the distance. Of course, that may be exactly why you stay caught up with the far away girl: A real relationship means a real effort to relate to someone every day and you said you’re a shy person. Personally, I think you will get further by dealing with the stress of learning how to be in a real relationship than by dealing with the drama of the long distance one.

Then there’s the partying and knowing that your parents don’t approve. Yeah, you get away with using but you feel bad about it and you don’t like it that you have lost some measure of trust. You want your parents to be less involved but you worry them enough that they get more involved. I MEAN, COME ON. If you want trust, you have to be trust-worthy. If you want your parents to gradually let go and start treating you as an adult, you have to start becoming that more mature person who is struggling to get out.

Meanwhile, you sound like you may be developing a depression from all the pressures inside and out. So — please think about finding a counselor to talk to. Counselors don’t judge. They work with you to help you figure out what you want to do and how to find your best self. If you could have done this yourself, you would have done it already. Writing to me was a good first step. Now gather up your courage, follow through, and get yourself some support.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I’m 16 and lost.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I’m 16 and lost.. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.