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My first girlfriend has ruined my life. What should I do?

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Q: I don’t know where to even to begin to tell you my problem. The last 3, maybe 4 months has been a living hell for me. i fell in love for the first time to a girl named samantha. before my falling in love, she became my first girlfriend’ on nov 22. nov 23 i had my first kiss. this is not my reason for falling in love with her. she was and still is the only girl that has ever basically talked nice to me and has shown interest in me. i was the happiest guy in the world it seemed. one day my girlfriend was hanging around a guy i knew of. i thought she would be happier with him rather than me so i dumped her so she could go out with him. next day she asked him out and maybe a week later she dumped him and asked me out again. this was only the start of things to come. later on we were going back out and it was sometime in december and my best friend started to hang around me and sam and i hated it (thats when I discovered i was the jealous type). on a thursday, 2 days before our school went into winter break, sam and i went up to a park that is close to the high school. we sat at a bench that we always sat in during noon hour and my friend shows up. about 10 to 15 minutes later i went up behind a bush to use the bathroom. because of my being the jealous type i snapped my head behind me to check to see if anything was going on. i saw her kissing him. i died. after that moment i was an empty shell. i just sat at the bench staring at the ground. before the next day i had a dream that she was having sex with him. so the next day sam and I went back up to the bench. this time skipping school and guess what. my friend follows us again. i couldn’t take it. i stormed out of there giving back a valentines gift she gave me. when i came to my senses i went back up to the park to see if they were still there. they were nowhere to be scene. i was a wreck. I knew exactly where they went to. my friends house is not far from the park. after school i got a phone call from sams mother asking where she was and i told her that she is probably at his house. i said they were probably smoking because i was mad at her and her mom did not know that she smoked. Winter break came. i had no contact with sam until the break was over. winter break is now over and i found out that my so called girlfriend slept with that jerk I used to call a friend! this was hard for me because i am still a virgin and I thought she was to. she was the one i thought was worth loosing my virginity to but to make it even worse he is 18 and she is 14. the sad thing is where i live the legal age difference is a 5 year gap (ex: age 14-19). even after learning this i couldn’t let go of her. so we were going back out and every time i was with her i was in pain. but i loved her so much i just couldn’t let go. about a week ago i found a note from her to that jerk. i was not supposed find this note either. it told of how she wants to be friends with benefits with him again. the lid finally popped off the bottle and i was pissed. i was close to choking her right on the spot but i controlled myself. but i dumped her right on the spot. about a week later, which would be last Friday (where i live) i skipped school for march break and sam followed me. even after all the pain and hurt she has caused me my love for her is still stronger so i couldn’t say no. she then told me that she thinks she’s pregnant. she told me she was on “the pill” and that they did not use a condom. not too long before this news she offered to have sex with me but i turned the offer down. i was not loosing my first time to a girl who has stabbed me in the heart countless times. i don’t know what to do anymore. i tried to walk away from this but keeps haunting me over and over. No man should be crushed this badly. i even wrote a poem to her of how badly she’s hurt me. now I’m in such a desperate position that i am talking to complete strangers to help me. no man should be put in this position ever. especially at age 15! please help me.

My first girlfriend has ruined my life. What should I do?

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sorry your first love has turned to heartache so soon but unfortunately I think it is a sign of the times. The rules of relationships seem to have changed which means you really have to have good communication with your partner to make sure you want and expect the same thing from the relationship. I suggest that you talk to Sam about how you feel about her and what you want the relationship to be. Obviously she wasn’t thinking it was a committed monogamous relationship and you were, so you need to clarify things and either come to an agreement or just move on. It may be too hard for you to trust her anyway so you may need to just say goodbye and take the lessons you learned with you. If this is what you do, I would suggest talking openly with your next girlfriend early on so you can try to avoid this same thing happening again. I am proud of you for still being a virgin and waiting until everything is right before you share that with someone. You are still young and have plenty of time for sex. Relationships are hard and confusing (as you have learned). Sex only makes them a hundred times more complicated. Wait until you are really ready and with someone you can trust. This takes time. Not just weeks or months but sometimes years. I know it probably feels like your heart will never mend but it will. You will love again and you deserve honesty and loyalty. I wish you luck.

My first girlfriend has ruined my life. What should I do?

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). My first girlfriend has ruined my life. What should I do?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/04/01/my-first-girlfriend-has-ruined-my-life-what-should-i-do/
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Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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