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My family loves my sister more.

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My family is always talking about my sister, of awards that she won, stuff that she says just as long as she is the subject. She is really smart and has done the family proud but i have never ever done anything to get my parents to talk about me not for at least a second. I never felt good enough to be in the family and that just makes it worse. I’ve tried “finding my own path” but i’m always in her shadow. I’m continuously reminded of her success which makes me feel less and less important i gave up on working hard at things because she was always better. I’ve never felt like i was worth much i still don’t. When i ask her for help to do something and it comes out great she always got the praise. I just feel like every thing i do is a mistake. I’m already losing control of my life .
I just can’t do anything right and everyone only sees my mistakes,and racialy i don’t know who i am (*i’m mixed*). Even with all this i don’t feel live,that i’m just here. (tried cutting *couldn’t*) i have more stuff happening in my life but is it jealousy or depression?

My family loves my sister more.

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sure this is very, very hard. There are lots of reasons parents might seem to favor one child over another. Have you ever considered that maybe your parents focus on your sister because they think she needs the extra encouragement and you don’t? Or maybe they think they can inspire you by holding your sister up as an example. Or maybe making comparisons has become such a habit that they don’t even see the effect it has on you. Whatever their reason, it’s gone terribly wrong. You’ve ended up feeling second best and unloved. You are also struggling with finding an identity. I’m really glad you couldn’t get into cutting. I’m also glad you wrote to me. You’ve made important first steps in taking care of yourself. Good for you. Now it’s time for the next step: Since you haven’t found a way to talk to your parents about hom painful the situation is for you, it’s time to bring in some help. You didn’t mention your city, so I can’t give you a specific suggestion about resources but I bet there is some adult you know who can. Think about talking with your school guidance counselor, your doctor, or your pastor or rabbi if you have one. You aren’t the only person in the family who needs help. The whole family needs to learn how to communicate with each other without making it a competition or you are all going to grow further and further apart.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My family loves my sister more.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My family loves my sister more.. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/03/07/my-family-loves-my-sister-more/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.