Q: Just about a few months ago I started having homicidal thoughts and I have been obsessing over them for quite a while now. I have had thoughts that get really graphic and it really bothers me. My homicidal thoughts are usually about hurting my family or friends the people I love and care for and I always have. It really hurts waking up every morning and to start having these thoughts and I have them at school. When I’m at school all my friends just think you know I’m such a good kid and when I hear that I just feel terrible words cannot describe. I’m a pretty popular kid, I’m involved with sports and extracurricular activities. I just look like a normal guy on the outside but on the inside I’m not. When the Homicidal thoughts came I started looking on the internet to search what kind problem i had. I looked up Schizophrenia and other types of disorders and I’ve started to get extremely worried that if I become schizophrenic I will turn violent and just become the exact opposite of who I am. My parents said that I’m a hypochondriac but as soon as I heard that I started to think I’m paranoid which I am. After that I started having thoughts telling me to kill People and hurt the people I love but I know I will never do it because I know who I am and I’m a lot better than that. The thoughts sometimes I can control by exercising and concentrating on school at least I try to, but it gets really difficult sometimes. It’s like now math is so foreign to me and I don’t know a thing now in math and about four years ago I was fine but now I don’t. My Family thinks that I have a low self esteem because my hair looks kind of bad sometimes and I’m very self conscious. My family has had a history of anxiety disorders so do you think I’m becoming schizophrenic or I have some kind of anxiety problem?I am worried I could be Schizophrenic.
I am worried I could be Schizophrenic.
I cannot diagnose you without a face to face meeting and gathering a lot more information. Sometimes with anxiety (especially Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) people do have thoughts/fears of hurting others. Also, as you have discovered through your own research, some schizophrenics have hallucinations that can sometimes be violent in nature. But the bottom line is that these thoughts are extreme and are causing you distress. I highly suggest that you receive professional help as soon as possible. Find a good mental health professional to discuss these issues with. You are legally an adult so do not technically need your parents’ permission to pursue treatment. No matter what the problem is, it is time to address with a professional. I’m glad you wrote and I hope that you can find some relief from these terrible thoughts soon. Good luck.