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My boyfriend has Disacociative Identity Disorder

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Q: My boyfriend is getting thearpy for DID . I love him , and I’ve been there for him as best as i could . I’ve been honored to meet about 10 different alters and formed relationships with them , they’ve also shared alot of memories of thier past abuse . He’s been in therapy for almost 2 years and he doesn’t seem to be improving much at all , I’ve read that DID usually takes up to 5 years to heal to intergration . I love him and we have planned to get married , but sometimes he treats me bad emotionally , and I constantly worry about him , he says I’m the only one he can trust to talk to ad the only one that has been introduced to his alters . I’m so tired of all this it’s so stressful , he has cheated on me and blames it on DID . I was just wondering , do you think he’ll still be the guy I fell in love with when he reaches intergration , and would now be a bad time to move on with my life , would he be okay without me ? Is DID the reason for his “bad behavior” or is that just who he is ? He says he loves me and wants to marry me but he just isn’t showing it .

My boyfriend has Disacociative Identity Disorder

Answered by on -

A.

Your boyfriend may have DID, but he is still one person and he is still accountable for how he behaves and how he treats you. If he’s unable to keep it together enough to take responsibility instead of saying “My DID made me do it”, he’s not ready to be in an intimate relationship. This is not unusual. A person who has the diagnosis of DID is a person who has been severely traumatized. Often it is difficult for them to trust enough to make an intimate relationship work. That’s one of the reasons to be in therapy. He has my admiration and support for the difficult work he is doing.
From your letter, it sounds like your relationship is much too one sided. You have been there for him as he has uncovered abuse and worked on himself for two years. But he treats you badly emotionally and isn’t trustworthy. I think it’s time for you to take a step back. My best suggestion is that you ask to go with him to some of his therapy appointments. Talk with the therapist about your concerns. Tell them both that you need to take a break and perhaps date other people while he finishes his therapeutic work. His therapist can help him manage his feelings and work on his behavior. You can let go of being the co-therapist and try out life without him for awhile. If you are still single when he has finished his therapy, you can try again and see if the guy you fell in love with is the core person who comes forward with integration. It will then be clear what you need to do.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My boyfriend has Disacociative Identity Disorder

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My boyfriend has Disacociative Identity Disorder. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/02/14/my-boyfriend-has-disacociative-identity-disorder/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.