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Found my wife having explicit dialogue via email

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Q. Although this question is similar to one already posted there are some differences. Last week I used her Blackberry to retrieve a friend’s email address. While I was using it I saw some suspicious emails and I read them. It turns out that she was contacted by an old college classmate and they have been corresponding daily for about two weeks. She has sent several emails to him stating she is thinking about him. She even invited him to a business trip. He lives in Oregon and we are in Connecticut, so there is a great distance between us. My issue is that I feel I cam across the information in a less than ethical way and am not sure how to confront her about it. She has not said anything to me about it and I am having severe anxiety over the issue. What should I do?

A. Even if you came across this information in a “less than ethical” way, it is now your responsibility to discuss this with your wife. If you are not ready to handle what you may find when probing through someone else’s personal items and materials, then it is best not to go searching or snooping.

I am sorry that you are now in this difficult situation and are faced with having to confront your wife about what you have found. It is true that the way that you retrieved this information was dishonest but it does not take away from the fact that your wife is not being completely honest with you. It is best at this point in time for you to be truthful with her about your findings and question her about why she has kept these e-mails hidden from you. Your anxiety will not decrease and will only grow more unbearable with each day or week that you do not ask her about these e-mails. At this point in time, my advice to you is to be honest with her about the fact that you read her e-mails and then ask her about the e-mails and her plans to meet with an old college classmate. If you are having difficulty with these tasks, I would strongly encourage seeking help from a professional, even if it is just temporary help while you deal with this situation. Take care.

Found my wife having explicit dialogue via email

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Found my wife having explicit dialogue via email

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Found my wife having explicit dialogue via email. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/02/08/found-my-wife-having-explicit-dialogue-via-email/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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