Q: I am 25 years old and very confused. For sometime now, I have experiencing lesbian tendencies. I feel that I am “straight” and have a history of dating men. However, I have always had a problem obtaining an orgasm while having sex with a man and usually have to do it on my own even during sex. I find myself to be attracted to women, particularly those on tv. I even find myself searching for lesbians on web sites and get extremely aroused when I come across lesbian pornography. I have talked to a girlfriend of mine who has the same feelings (also straight), even further than me. She does not believe that this means that we are lesbians and assures me that every girlfriend she has feels the same way about this attraction to women/lesbian pornography. I even fantasize about women when I am trying to get an orgasm with a man. I know I am attracted to men and I am not attracted to the everyday women I see and talk to everyday, only those “fantasy” type of women I see on tv and on pornographic websites. I don’t understand this as I have never even considered pursuing a sexual relationship with a woman. I have thought of experimenting with a woman sexually but would be too afraid or feel too dirty to do it. What is going on with me? Is this normal?
A: Sexuality exists on a continuum. If you read any of Kinsey’s research you would see that there are some people on the extreme heterosexual end and some on the extreme homosexual end and lots of people in the middle leaning one way or another. I think bisexuality is rarely discussed and often misunderstood. So there is a possibility that you only fantasize about women and may never act on it. There is also the possibility that you are attracted to both men and women and just have not explored the other side of your sexuality yet. Finally, there’s the possibility that you are a lesbian who has not come out to yourself or others yet. You may want to read more about this on your own and eventually you may want to act on your attractions to see if they are real or only fantasy. The American Psychological Association, along with many other professional organizations, does not see homosexuality as abnormal in any way. Good luck with your issues.