Q: I moved to Florida with my wife and we have been living there for three years. I worked as a teacher for two years I had a fallen out with my mentor and the principal so I resigned. I tried to ask the principal for a rec so I can go to another school she declined. Despite giving me good recs in the past. I have jumped to eight jobs in the last year. I really want to move back to the northeast and I would but my wife is pregnant and she is adomint on staying in florida. I really don’t know what to do? If I stay here I will be here for my baby and my wife IF I go to the northeast I know I will be a much happier person.

A: You are only 31, you haven’t been able to hold a job, and now your wife is pregnant. There will soon be a little person who is depending on you and your wife to provide and protect. My best guess is that you are scared you don’t have what it takes. It’s time for you and your wife to stop talking about where to live and start talking about how to live as a family. Angry words and debates about location are a cover-up for fears. Take a deep breath, comfort each other, and start working on how the two of you are going to make it as parents.

You are not alone in being afraid. Being responsible for another life is serious business. But it’s also fun and tender and wondrous. It might help to talk to an older friend who likes being a parent to learn more about how we grow when we become a family. If that doesn’t reassure you, it would probably be a good idea to find a counselor. An experienced counselor will help you move past the fear and will help you get ready for this next stage of life.

A person who lost 8 jobs also got 8 jobs! That’s impressive! There must be something about you that interests employers. Exploring that gift for engaging people could open up new options for you. Find a career counselor or do some reading to figure out how to play to your strengths.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie