Q: My husband and I have been married 4 years. Soon after we were married, we began to fight physically. The physical fights have stopped, but there is still a lot of pinching, pushing, forced sex, and hurtful things said. Last night I approached him about seperating for 6-12 months. I would move home with my mom in UT and find a job and live there and then meet later to see how we are. I know we both love eachother immensely. But I definitely know that I will lose my mind in our marriage. I’ve already lost a lot of myself. Thank God we don’t have any children. Is this the right thing to do? He refuses any counseling, and doesn’t believe anything is wrong – or that he has any issues. I know that I have plenty. I am going to have to quit this job that i am at currently, which I love, and find a new job. I guess I am very scared and would like some reassurance that this is the best thing. Thank you

A: It would be presumptuous of me to tell you what to do on the basis of a letter. But I can tell you this. There is no place for physical violence in a marriage. A person’s home and spouse should be a safe place to be nurtured, supported and cherished. Since your husband isn’t interested in working on making your relationship what it should be, it makes great sense to start with yourself. You are fortunate to have a home to go home to so that you can take time out to do some personal work and figure out why it is that you would tolerate and contribute to an abusive marriage. You deserve better. It sounds to me like your mental health and safety are a reasonable trade for a job – even a job you love.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie