Q. I think my sex drive is to high and it has been effecting me socialy. Since I was 15/16 I have always been getting up to things. Masterbating in womens knickers, spying on people having sex, I even tried to put a hole in the bathroom wall once when my older brothers girlfriend stayed over. I am always thinking about sex and when I can next get or sex/hear some. I’m 25 now and I’ve had enough of all the peversion. I woke up this morning and spent 2 hours listening with glass against my wall to hear if my neighbours had sex and they did so I masterbated. I think this kind of behaviour is really antisocial and I feel guilty because something like this happens most nights, even though I think badly of it!! I also went through a phase of using my webcam for sex over a few years and I told a few friends, they thought I was crazy and to be honest a bit weird doing it but I couldnt stop and did that most nights as well. People say I’m a good looking guy, I keep fit and I have a full time job. finding a girl isnt even a big problem for me but I cant stop being a perv and listing or spying on my neighbours, watching internet porn in secret. It effects my confidence and makes me feel guilty. I also feel withdrawn most of the time and have a headache. It makes it difficult for me to look people straight in the eye and I’m always sweating. I know these sexual acts are the cause of these symptons, so how do I stop doing them and get a life? If I seriously want to have a girlfriend again one day then I need to be able to trust and control myself first, otherwise I cant trust them! Please could you offer me some advice? (no1 ever has!). Thank you.

A. You realize this is a problem and that is good. Now you need help to discontinue this behavior. Since you recognize that you cannot solve this problem alone, the best solution is to find a therapist that can help you stop this unwanted behavior. If you do not find help to stop, your behavior may land you in trouble, most likely legal trouble, especially if you get caught spying on others. My best advice for you is to seek help. Sex is a very complicated thing. Sexual urges and impulses come in an extremely wide variety. Voyeurism has been around since the beginning of recorded history. Listening and watching people have sex is the basis of the pornography industry. Internet porn sites fall into the same category. Don’t hate yourself, but get qualified help. Take care.