Q. I recently found out that my daughter has been smoking pot. She is 16 and spent 2 months with her father and step mother over the summer. When she came home she seemed like she was on something. My husband noticed also. I assumed she was just tired and cranky from her trip back home. The next day she was anngry for no apparent reason, I tried to talk with her about her anger and she said that she wanted to drop out of school and go live with her dad. She was never close to him before. She has no rules there and was told that she could drop out of school now that she is 16, and is old enough to make her own decisions. She was fed a bunch of crazy ideas during her visit. Anyway, I decided to check my daughter’s emails to see what was up. She bragged to several friend that she smoked pot everyday over the summer and was mad to be back home because she was getting free pot from her step mother. I know that something needs to be done, but I am not sure the best way to handle this situation. Please help!

A. You need to confront her father and step mother but first you need to confront her with the emails that you found. If you don’t want to know what your daughters’ secret life is then you shouldn’t look in her “secret” places. Now you know and now you have responsibilities to do something with the information that you found. Perhaps this can all be resolved by confronting the parties involved, perhaps not. If not then you should contact the police and child welfare. It is an ugly situation and there will be no solution which will be both easy and real. Please read books on Tough Love and be prepared to carry out your responsibilities as a parent. Of course, counseling for you and your daughter might greatly help. Please keep me informed.