Q. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He has always been a pathological liar. He lies about everything to his family and friends. I feel he tries to impress p;eople. For the past 2 months we have been seperated. He has another woman but constantly lies to me about her. He denies having sex with her, that he doesn’t live with her, and he is not driving her car…it is his and he bought it. He comes home from time to time because we have 2 small children and I am 7 months pregnant. He says he loves me and cries how sorry he is. Then he says he will call me after work and doesn’t. He has also said 3 times very seriously that he is coming home tonight to sleep and doesn’t. Please help me to help him to STOP LYING!!!

A. There is not much that you can do to stop his pathological lying or to change other people’s behavior. The only control you have is control over yourself and your actions. You knew that he was a liar when you married him and you should not be surprised that his behavior continues. You can ask him to attend therapy but if he refuses, there is not much else you can do. If he does not see his lying as a problem, and it is likely that he does not, he will not be open to getting help for it. It is a tough situation with few answers.

My advice is to request that he attend therapy. If he is not willing to attend therapy, there is not much else that you can do to change his behavior. Your only recourse may be to limit the time you spend with him and learn not to rely on him or believe what he says. It is time that you face the truth. What weakness in you, allowed you to marry a man who was deceitful, dishonest, and not trustworthy? More truth. What weakness in you allows you to stay in a relationship with such a person? I sincerely believe you need help to learn the need to move on and develop the strength to do so. In sum, ask him to get therapy, if he refuses there is nothing you can do. More importantly, seek therapy for yourself to examine why you would allow yourself to enter into and continue to participate in a relationship with a known and proven liar. This relationship is toxic for you. I hope this helps. Good luck.