Q. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few months now discussing issues of self harm, domestic violence, and a rape. I’ve been cutting myself for many years and hiding it until just recently when my husband finally figured it out. He has said if I cut one more time, he will divorce me and leave. I haven’t cut for two weeks now, but I have suicidal ideations that just swirl around in my head and I can’t stop thinking about it. Cutting could break into those thoughts, but nothing is now. A couple weeks ago, I left a message for my therapist to see if she could squeeze me in that day. If not, I had plans to down a bottle of tylenol – it won’t kill you that day, so it gives you time to explain and say goodbye to your loved ones. She did set up an appt. but I wasn’t able to tell her my thoughts and plans. I wanted her to put me in a safe place, the hospital or something, but I feared what would happen. I hoped she would have sensed it, but she didn’t. My question is, how do I approach this with my therapist? What response can I expect? How do I tell her that I have been thinking about this, that I’ve sat on the bed, counted out the pills, and sat there starring at them for hours? I don’t want to loose her trust. I stay alive today because I don’t want to devastate my loved ones. But sometimes, I loose sight of that and just want to feel freedom, have a quiet mind, and have peace. I appreciate you comments.
A. You need to be completely honest with your therapist. There is nothing that you should be afraid to tell your therapist and you should feel always the urgent need to be completely honest with your therapist. Too many people believe that somehow the therapist is part psychic and part mental health professional and perhaps the really good therapists are. But every therapist is helped tremendously by your openness and honestness. You should never be afraid to talk to your therapist. You need to be brutally honest and you need to tell him everything you told me and tell him every thought that is in your head. Hold nothing back. Please make an appointment as soon as possible. Good luck.