Q. I have been married for nine years, and these past few years my husband yells at me everytime something goes wrong and even for petty things. It is worst when we are around with friends and relatives. I tried confronting in a civil way but always put the blame on me or reason out like I don’t listen to him and the pressure at work stresses him out. I am beginning to hate him but I don’t want to hurt my kids. What is the best way to tackle this kind of problem?
A. Your husband’s yelling and embarrassing you in front of others, is a way for him to overcome his own insecurities and his need to feel in control. You pointed out his work issues and they would fit the pattern that I have suggested to you. He feels out of control at work, and thus he needs to regain his equilibrium by displaying his power at home. I would recommend you find a good marriage counselor as soon as possible. If he refuses to go, you should go alone but at the same time you need to recognize that his refusal is a very bad omen for the successful continuation of your marriage. What he is doing to you is verbal abuse. Let’s not call it anything else and let’s also never allow ourselves to think that abuse is ever acceptable. The abuse will only get worse if you do not seek help. If he is not willing to admit that he is abusing you or if he is unwilling to get help, then it is clear that these are the beginning signs of the end of your relationship.