I gave in. I signed up for Match.com again. Awesome new men were not appearing in my life without any effort on my part, so I decided to try online dating again.
Online dating has its pros and cons. The main pro is meeting new people pretty easily. The main con is that these people can be terrible. I have had good, long-term relationships with a couple of the Match.com men. I have also gone on some awful dates.
Things have not changed a lot since I was previously part of the Match.com world. The only thing that has changed is my outlook on it. Because it can take up a lot of time, I no longer spend time emailing with anyone who does not appear awesome. In the past, I’ve given people a shot because they seemed nice. No more – dating isn’t a charity and I don’t have time for people I’m not really interested in, but feel I should give a chance. Just because you are nice does not mean I have to go out with you. Lots of people are nice; it doesn’t mean that I should date them all.
By being extra-picky, I have been able to cut down on the time I spend dealing with Match.com. When you start emailing with someone, you are making an initial impression. For me, this means that I want my emails to be as interesting and grammatically correct as possible. There’s nothing worse than someone who wants to discuss the weather and does not know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” I judge other people on their emails and other people judge me. This means that while I may spend three seconds dashing off an email to a good friend, I want to spend more time thinking about what I am writing to the Match.com people. Because this time adds up, I try not to communicate with more than a few people at once. Even writing to a few people takes up around an hour a day.
Right now, I have four interesting contenders. I have not yet met any of these people in person. Hopefully one of them has real potential.
Bachelor No. 1 is a 37-year-old grad student. We live in the same town, so he is geographically desirable. From his photos, he appears to be attractive. For two weeks now, we have exchanged short emails about nothing. He keeps it going by asking a random, but entertaining question, which I answer and perhaps ask another question back. A few times I have purposely not asked a return question to see if he keeps writing. He always keeps writing. Granted, I started this exchange by emailing him a random, one sentence inquiry, but I did not see it going on for this long.
Bachelor No. 1 asked me to hang out last weekend. I only had one evening last weekend when I did not have plans, so I suggested we grab a drink during that time. Bachelor No. 1 was busy that evening. Rather than suggest another time, he went back to emailing me his random questions. Maybe I will meet this guy someday, maybe I won’t. At some point soon, I likely will tire of this back-and-forth and stop writing.
Goldstein, S. (2009). Match.com — Again. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/matchcom-again/0001886
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Jan 2013
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