From the Living Room to the Bedroom

By Bill and Ginger Bercaw

Reviewed by Devon Tomasulo, MFA

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In From the Living Room to the Bedroom, Bill and Ginger Bercaw aren’t afraid to get personal about the details and the intricacies of a relationship.  They are serious about intimacy and they don’t hesitate to say things that might make some readers blush. 

Their goal in writing this e-book is to help couples establish a deep intimacy, both emotionally and erotically.  They explain that this is for any couple who want to reestablish their intimate relationship.  However, this book is not intended to replace therapy for sexual trauma or sexual dysfunction.

Bill and Ginger Bercaw are experienced professionals who truly understand both the issues with intimacy and the steps to creating a solid relationship.  This book will help you talk about your physical relationship, learn more about your partner’s needs, and ultimately achieve “sexual abundance.”  The Bercaws define sexual abundance as “erotic experience…paired with deep emotional connection” and is something that they discovered over their many years of studying sexuality and relationships.  Ultimately, this book will help your sexuality to be in balance with the rest of your life.

The authors begin by establishing a relationship’s arc — how physical intimacy suffers after the honeymoon stage is over and lovers become parents.  Ideas are explained through both prose and diagrams, so it is easy to follow the Bercaws’ explanations of the patterns of intimacy and relationships. 

This book is meant to be a commitment between you and your partner, so you should be equally involved in the process.  The authors include a lot of activities for couples to complete together, so be prepared to make time to take advantage of all this book has to offer.  Through carefully crafted steps, couples will build a deep foundation for their relationship, so that physical intimacy is based on real connection.

If you read the Bercaws’ previous book, The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy, don’t confuse that audience with the intended audience for this book. The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy was written for couples recovering from sexual addiction.  This book includes many of the same core principles on intimacy that the first book does, but this one is written to apply to a wide range of couples.

As the title implies, Bill and Ginger Bercaw are not solely focused on the physical relationship in the bedroom, but on the entire relationship.  Throughout the text, they include Planned Intimate Experiences (PIEs) that are designed to help couples build a solid foundation for their relationship.  Later on in the text, these experiences include more physical aspects, but they begin by creating dialogues between you and your partner.  This is to help establish the “Living Room” relationship, then they move to the “Bedroom” relationship.  They show how these two types of relationships work together, so as one is strengthened, the other is as well. 

After giving a detailed opening explaining their intentions, the Bercaws break down their advice into six sections. Each section is a step toward achieving sexual abundance. Because the steps are designed as building blocks, it is important that you follow each one. 

The first three steps begin by building a foundation in dialogue, sharing your vision and “protecting” the time you need to connect to one another.  The fourth step is to “prepare to repair,” which provides a reminder that “a healthy relationship is not the absence of conflict and difficulties.” This is one example of how these steps were built around real life.  The authors continually acknowledge that relationships are not perfect, but do deserve to be worked on.  Finally, they get to the final steps of enjoying abundance and gratitude.

The Bercaws clearly are an experienced couple. They are able constantly to explain the patterns they see in couples. They also include real-life examples to demonstrate situations in which couples can find themselves.  This helps take their advice out of the realm of the theoretical, so you can actually see it in practice. The PIEs serve the same purpose.

This is meant to be a journey that you and your partner go on together.  Don’t get shy now!  While some of their advice might make you blush, it is all an attempt to help your partner learn more about you.  As long as you keep this in mind, I think this can be a very rewarding experience. 

Also note, though, that the Bercaws want you to view this book as a commitment. They even include a contract for you and your partner to sign.  This is to show that you are both making your relationship a priority and to encourage you to complete the entire book. 

By the end of the book the authors not only plan to have you feeling reconnected, but “… to have a system in place for ongoing enhancement.”  So, while the process may seem a bit long, it is meant to last.

This e-book is available only from the authors’ website, $19.95

Psych Central's Recommendation:
Worth Your Time! +++

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APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). From the Living Room to the Bedroom. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/from-the-living-room-to-the-bedroom/00011898
Scientifically Reviewed
    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Jan 2013
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