The book begins as he packs up his home of the last ten years for a move to the Jersey shore. Tomasulo finds homely objects that trigger memories of other times. Old sneakers, a lighter, a box of pictures never sorted and papers never read, evoke stories at once funny and profound. True to the memoir form, the book is not a chronological narrative. Instead, he offers up stories as they come to him; just as we all often do when we muse about our lives.

As a boy, he created elaborate stories to negotiate an unpredictable world. An often lonely child with a vivid imagination, he believed he had the power to control all the streetlights of Manhattan and became panicked when the family moved. Who would make the lights work if he couldn’t activate them with his secret squint? Broken-hearted by his fastidious mother’s disposal of his unhygienic pet goldfish, he ran away by putting himself in his building’s dumbwaiter - and promptly got stuck. When his mother explained that she was pregnant because his dad had planted a seed in her, he limited his diet for months to only things seedless, that is, until an older kid wised him up to the fact that it was baby oil, not seeds, that made babies. Whew!

The confused but creative kid grows into an often confused and creative adult. Somehow he ends up locked in the rubber room of the psych ward at the hospital where he works when his wife is in labor upstairs. Somehow he accidently decapitates his daughter’s Ken doll in a lunatic moment of fatherly jealousy. Somehow he finds himself awkwardly providing sex education to his first developmentally disabled, but very smart, patient.

Dan Tomasulo is a funny guy. It’s what you’d expect from a man who spent his youth on the New York City stand-up circuit. But to see his memoir as merely a stand-up routine in print would do him a great disservice. Funny? Yes, absolutely. There are moments that made me laugh so hard my side ached. But underlying this collection of humorous stories is a unifying and very serious theme of a man coming to terms with himself.

Tomasulo at mid-life uses his humor to transition from story to insight. Central to the book is the loss by heroin overdose of the daredevil cousin he hero-worshiped as a child. He draws on his grief to understand a charismatic and equally self-destructive patient. Past and present are bridged by recalling similar stories, understood differently. He courageously examines his parents’ difficult union, his relationships with an emotionally frightened mother and an imperfect father, his own first failed marriage, and his vulnerability to his wife, his daughter, and his patients as he strives to forge a loving family and a solid professional life.

The book becomes psychodrama and we become the audience, invited to share in his process as he remembers, forgives, and finds meaning and joy in his experiences. He literally puts himself on a couch, becoming by turns his dead mother and himself, each arguing with and finally making sense of the other. In the end, he acknowledges that by blaming his mother for his negative feelings, he could stave off having to deal with those same feelings within himself. “You know, Mom, I really wish we could have had one of these talks while you were alive,” he says. He imagines her reply: “So do I, Danny. So do I.” While bearing witness to his struggle, we can’t help but reflect on (and perhaps even laugh at) our own.

Tomasulo brackets the book with the same story as prologue and epilogue, the memory of a dream in which the solution piece to the puzzle that is his life leaves him in darkness. Finally he realizes that he’s been defeating himself by seeing the solution piece as the end when it is really the beginning; just as finishing his book leads us to understand him and ourselves in new ways. It’s a masterful stroke by a new writer. It made me read his book twice.

Other books by Daniel J. Tomasulo:

Action Methods In Group Psychotherapy: Practical Aspects, Taylor and Francis publishing, 1998

Healing Trauma: The Power of Group Treatment for People With Intellectual Disabilities by Nancy J. Razza and Daniel Tomasulo ; APA Books, 2004

It’s true that in some ways it is easier to walk away from an unmarried partnership than a married one but it’s also true that you don’t have the protections that are built into the divorce process. Some of these issues are changing as individual states and communities create laws governing domestic partnerships. But unless and until such laws become universal, it’s important for each couple to take care of themselves and each other by putting paperwork in place that will guarantee that other people will respect your wishes and intent when it comes to important decisions about you as a couple.

Ideally, the time to do these things is before you move in together. It’s easier to come to agreements when both people are motivated by the desire to set up a home. When people put it off until after they’ve already moved in together, they tend to keep telling themselves they’ll “get around to it.” Often they don’t. Challenging issues that could have been discussed rationally before moving in together instead may be avoided to keep the peace. Unfortunately, the couple may then “get around to it” when they are disappointed, angry, and about to break up.

The following self-test will help you clarify your relationship with each other. Talking about the topics raised by this little exercise can help a couple go into their future together more well-informed and more certain of their own and each other’s intentions.

Please note that this is not a scientific test but rather is my best understanding of the issues that affect the likely success of a cohabitation relationship.

Directions: You and your partner should first complete the checklist separately. Check the appropriate boxes, if any, for each item. You may check more than one box for an item. Some items won’t be relevant to your situation. For example, if neither of you is bringing children from a prior relationship with you, you can ignore #13 and #14. If you are past child-bearing age, or if you are absolutely (100%, not 99%) sure you don’t want children, then #15 - #19 don’t apply.

When you are finished, compare your results. Use the list as a point of departure for a very serious discussion about the legal issues that impact an unmarried couple and how you want to deal with them. It’s especially important to address the issues where you find you are not in agreement. Those are the issues that can put particular stress on your couple-ness. Putting things in writing both clarifies your relationship for the two of you and provides the kinds of privileges and protections that married couples have as a matter of course. Your ability as a couple to wrestle with these hard decisions will tell you as much (or more) about yourselves as the checklist itself.

Interpreting your checklist results:

The more you agree, and the more you have in writing, the more committed you are as a couple and the more you are protected both individually and as a couple.

Lots of checks in column A but low in other columns: You know clearly what you want in a relationship but are in the beginning stages of making a relationship with this partner.

Lots of checks in both columns A and B but a low number in columns C and D: Communication lines are open and clear. Working out your agreements will help you clarify your relationship and increase intimacy.

Lots of checks in columns A and B and C but a low number in column D: You are committed as a couple but haven’t taken the legal steps necessary to protect each others’ rights. In the event of illness or death, this oversight could cause the partner unnecessary anguish. Should you break up as a couple, you could find yourselves in a much more angry and hostile fight than you currently imagine possible.

Lots of checks in all columns: You have worked through the important practical matters that all couples face. You have put structures and paperwork in place around issues of legal importance to make sure that your partnership is honored by others.

The specific things children laugh at tell us which developmental tasks they are struggling with. That is a pattern that runs throughout childhood. It explains why 3-year-olds, who are often still mastering toilet training, are enthralled by “bathroom” humor while 7-year-olds, who no longer consider toilet-training an issue, think such jokes are just stupid.

Laughing and smiling are among the most human of behaviors. A twelve-hour-old infant will shape his mouth into what looks like a smile at the smell of a banana or other sweet food. Our nervous systems appear to be wired to make us smile. No learning or imitation is needed. True laughter, which is more complex, does not appear until a few months later.

Children learn some very complex things during their first dozen months, starting with the realization that they are separate individuals from their parents. Soon they begin to understand that objects and people exist, even when they are out of sight. This is a very profound realization. When Mom leaves the room, she is doing something else and will eventually return. A toy that is placed behind a cardboard barrier can be obtained if you reach around or over the barrier. By reaching for that toy, the child shows that he understands the concept that people and things have a physical existence even when they are not seen. (The first time I tried this test on my 6-month-old son he tried to eat the cardboard barrier!)

Few things elicit as much laughter from a 1-year-old child as a game of peekaboo. Yet a 6-month-old will barely respond to the game, and a 6-year-old will find it boring. Laughing at peekaboo is a marker for a certain level of intellectual development. The intensity of the 1-year-old’s laughter tells you that he or she “gets it”: That’s my mother behind those hands! It is a realization that would have eluded the child only a few weeks or months earlier.

The game of peekaboo still works if done in silence. Watching the mother’s face disappear behind her hands excites the child, who knows that the mother is back there and predicts that she will reappear. It is a tense situation. When the mother’s face comes back into view, the child is relieved and laughs with excitement. What was scary is now fun, for the child can predict the future. If the mother keeps her face hidden for too long, however, the child’s tension will turn to fear, and the child will cry.

Once children understand a concept, they take great joy in playing with it. Two-year-olds who are beginning to master the intricacies of language will giggle uncontrollably when they hear a combination of words and nonsense syllables. They understand that the nonsense syllables are different from the words. The sounds are out of place. They are funny.

Other things that are out of place will get the same laughter from 2-year-olds, for they are learning that there is an order to the world. Placing a sock on a foot is not funny. Placing it on an ear is hysterical to 2-year-olds because they realize that it does not belong there. They share their mastery of that knowledge through laughter.

Children at that age may also tell you for the first time that they are being silly. Unlike the younger child playing peekaboo, the 2-year-old with the sock has controlled the stimulus for laughter. The child has made a joke.

A 6-year-old child no longer finds peekaboo and socks hanging from ears as funny as they once were. The challenge and the tension of those tasks have been replaced by a newfound appreciation of logic and abstractions. The riddles and jokes of a 6-year-old often contain ludicrous juxtapositions, plays on words, or logical flaws. “Why did the elephant paint her toenails red?” “So she could hide in the strawberry patch.” “What did the baby ghost say to the bully ghost?” “Leave me alone or I’ll tell my mummy!” “What’s the best month for a parade?” “March.” They are simple versions of the humor we enjoy as adults.

The content of these jokes reflects the 6-year-old child’s struggles with the intricacies of logical thought and growing facility with language. The elephant that thinks she will blend into a strawberry patch by taking on one superficial aspect of it does not understand something that the child now understands. It is a funny image to 6-year-olds because they can imagine and identify with the elephant that is trying in vain to hide. The small child knows more than the big elephant. With that knowledge comes power that can be flaunted.

The ghost and parade jokes make use of the child’s increasingly sophisticated skills with language. “Mummy” sounds like “mommy,” but it is not a random association. The baby ghost is calling upon a larger and stronger being for protection, just as the child would. The child has used wordplay to conquer something frightening (a mummy) and transform it into something protective (a mommy). Similarly, the parade joke allows the child to display mastery of the idea that one word can have several meanings. That is a very difficult concept, one that younger children cannot fathom.

The innocent tone of children’s jokes changes before they leave elementary school. For reasons psychologists do not completely understand, by the fourth or fifth grade boys laugh at different things from those that girls do. By the time boys are 10 years old, they are telling jokes that are very physically violent and very sexual. Girls at that age like humor that is less physically but more verbally aggressive, perhaps because they have, on average, better verbal skills than boys. They tease each other about boyfriends and act like caricatures of the vamps they see on television soap operas. The jokes help define membership in a particular social group. Those who get the joke belong to the group; the others are outsiders.

Despite the apparent differences, both boys and girls are using humor to accomplish the same goals. To young adolescents, humor is an indirect way of coming to terms with the issues of greatest concern to them, such as their sexuality. An 11-year-old boy who laughs at a joke about prostitution or abortion is not necessarily making a judgment about either issue. They are far too emotionally stressful for him to deal with directly. Instead, he uses the joke as an opportunity to determine cultural norms and acceptable behavior. It offers him a chance to try out a position and, if necessary, retreat from it quickly, saying, “I was just joking.”

Dr. Lawrence Kutner is a nationally known clinical psychologist who teaches at Harvard Medical School, where he’s co-founder and co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. He’s the author of five books: Parent & Child: Getting Through to Each Other; Pregnancy and Your Baby’s First Year; Toddlers and Preschoolers; Your School-Age Child; and Making Sense of Your Teenager. All articles appearing here originally were published on www.drkutner.com. Used with permission.

Many people who go into therapy have good experiences. The patient feels understood and well supported by the therapist, who uses his skills to facilitate the patient’s discovery and healing process. But what if your therapy leaves you feeling frustrated? What if you believe your therapist isn’t “getting you”? What if you aren’t receiving the outcome you expected?

If your therapy isn’t going well, where does the responsibility lie? Is it with you? Or could it be the type of therapy you have selected or even the therapist? What is the best way to talk to your therapist about these issues?

It’s not uncommon in any therapist-patient relationship for the patient to expect that the doctor will be all-wise and all-knowing. Sometimes the patient assumes the therapist will take care of everything and that he or she, the patient, must simply follow doctor’s orders. It may seem easier to let the professional call the shots and make the decisions about treatment. As the patient you might feel reluctant to ask questions or voice concerns.

The problem with this perspective is that therapists are human beings, and therefore fallible. Therapy, by nature, is a subjective process, and the therapist can only give his own opinion, an opinion, which has been shaped by the therapist’s training and professional orientation, as well as his life experiences.

So, as the “consumer” in the therapy relationship, it’s ultimately your responsibility to look after your best interest and to be an active participant in your own therapy. If something isn’t working well for you, then it’s up to you to discuss it with your therapist.

In an ideal therapy situation, the process works because it is truly collaborative with patient and therapist working together in partnership. The patient participates with the therapist in determining the direction of the therapy and in making decisions about the course of treatment. The therapist is open to the patient’s ideas and concerns.

However, not all therapy alliances are ideal. Therapists are subject to their own biases. For example, the therapist may not be able to recognize when he is having a problematic reaction to the patient. To regain the kind of objectivity that will support the patient, the therapist may require direct feedback from the patient, or perhaps even the opinion of a third party: a therapist-consultant who is trusted by both. It may be worth noting that doing this is analogous to seeking a second opinion in medicine.

When you feel your therapy is off-course, the first step is to candidly discuss your concerns with your therapist. As difficult as this might feel, remember that your therapist is not a mind reader, and he or she won’t be able to fix the situation if you aren’t sharing your concerns. In fact, a good therapist should welcome this kind of input. Provided the therapist is open, you should be able to renegotiate the ground rules of your therapy, and the therapist should be willing to be flexible about modifying his or her approach.

Of course, direct feedback goes both ways and the patient must also be receptive to getting difficult commentary from the therapist. The patient may be reluctant to accept the therapist’s diagnostic assessments or recommendations for treatment. For instance, this kind of impasse may arise when the therapist recommends medication in addition to psychotherapy but the patient is resistant to the idea of taking medicine.

Whether it’s the therapist or the patient who is not being open to feedback, what can and should the patient do? Walking away won’t necessarily solve the problem, because it either leaves the patient to start over with a new therapist or with no therapeutic support whatsoever. In either case, it will take the patient that much longer to reach her objectives. A better approach would be for the patient to first discuss the options with the therapist.

If the therapist stands by his or her recommendations and the patient still does not agree, there is another solution short of the patient leaving therapy. The therapy pair could decide to invite another therapist to temporarily join in their work as a consultant. It may even be useful to choose a consultant who can administer psychological or neuropsychological tests. The consultant would work collaboratively with both the therapist and the patient to develop a more reliable view of the best course for the patient’s therapy, allowing them to move beyond the communication stalemate to a direction that they can endorse. The consultant would then remove himself and the therapy pair would go back to “business as usual”.

If you are in therapy, you and your therapist have already invested a significant amount of time and energy into your work, and you both have the same goal in mind: helping you achieve your own objectives for emotional growth and healing. If and when a difference of opinion over the treatment does occur, rather than walking away from your therapist, it is usually well worth the effort try to find a collaborative way to again go forward.

Steven Frankel M.D., a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, is a graduate of Yale University Medical School. He is certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology in both general and child psychiatry as well as by the American Psychoanalytic Association. He is an Associate Clinical Professor at the University of California Medical School. He is the founder and director of The Center for Collaborative Psychology and Psychiatry in Kentfield, CA. His ideas are developed in his many professional papers and three books, Intricate Engagements, Hidden Faults, and his latest work: Making Psychotherapy Work: Collaborating Effectively with Your Patient. To learn more about Dr. Frankel and collaborative psychology in please visit his website.

Dissociation is a common defense/reaction to stressful or traumatic situations. Severe isolated traumas or repeated traumas may result in a person developing a dissociative disorder. A dissociative disorder impairs the normal state of awareness and limits or alters one’s sense of identity, memory or consciousness. Once considered rare, recent research indicates that dissociative symptoms are as common as anxiety and depression, and that individuals with dissociative disorders (particularly Dissociative Identity Disorder and Depersonalization Disorder) are frequently misdiagnosed for many years, delaying effective treatment. In fact, persons suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder often seek treatment for a variety of other problems including depression, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, alcohol or drug abuse, temper outbursts, and even hearing voices, or psychotic symptoms. People with dissociation often also seek treatment for a variety of medical problems including headaches, unexplained pains, and memory problems. Many people have symptoms that have gone undetected or untreated simply because they were unable to identify their problem, or were not asked the right questions about their symptoms. Because dissociative symptoms are typically hidden, it is important to see a mental health professional who is familiar with recent advances in the ability to diagnose dissociative disorders through the use of scientifically tested diagnostic tests.

What kind of events or experiences are likely to cause symptoms of dissociation? There are various types of traumas. There are traumas within one’s home, either emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Other types of traumas include natural disasters, such as earthquakes, political traumas such as holocausts, hostage situations, wars, random acts of violence (such as the Oklahoma city bombing and the Columbine shootings), or the grief we feel after the death of a family member or loved one. Dissociation is a universal reaction to overwhelming trauma and recent research with indicates that the manifestations of dissociation are very similar world wide.

Misdiagnosis of People with Dissociative Identity Disorder

Most people with undetected Dissociative Identity Disorder (or the spectrum diagnosis of Dissociative Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified) experience depression and often are treated with antidepressant medications. While antidepressant medications may help some of the feelings of depression, it does not alleviate symptoms of dissociation. Some people suffering from undetected dissociative symptoms are misdiagnosed as having psychotic disorders including schizophrenia and are treated with antipsychotic medication resulting in long term side effects. Some other common diagnosis that people with Dissociative Identity Disorder receive include:

• Bipolar disorder.
  Mood swings is a very common experience in people who have a dissociative disorder. If you seek help with a professional who is not familiar with dissociative disorders they may only consider bipolar disorder as the reason for your mood swings, when symptoms of dissociation may be the underlying cause.

• Attention deficit disorder.
  People with Dissociative Identity Disorder commonly experience problems with attention and their memory. Treatment with medication for ADHD may help some of the symptoms associated with poor attention, but again will not help all the symptoms associated with underlying dissociation.

• Eating disorders.
  People with eating disorders including anorexia, and binging often experience inner feelings of dissociation and may have a coexisting dissociative disorder.

• Alcohol or drug abuse.
  People with undetected dissociative disorders frequently self medicate with alcohol or drugs.

• Anxiety disorders.
  People with undetected dissociative disorders often experience generalized anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive compulsive symptoms. Treating only their anxiety will not help their dissociative symptoms.

Other common clues to a dissociative disorder include the fact that a person seems to experience a lot of different symptoms that come and go, and that they have been in treatment for many years and they still seem to have many of their symptoms.

Some people with undetected dissociative symptoms can function well at work or school. Only close friends or family are aware of the person’s inner struggles or suffering. Some times, a person with undetected dissociation may need to be hospitalized because of feelings of low self esteem, self hatred, self destructive feelings and/or suicidal ideation. The delay in accurate diagnosis results in difficulty maintaining close relationships, working below one’s potential as well as years of unnecessary suffering. This can result in worsening depression and continued mood swings and self destructive behaviors.

Money hoarders live by the phrase “but I might need it someday” and resist spending, sometimes to their detriment. Overspenders view possessions as central to their identity, or see spending as a quick fix to create a mood change. We all probably can place ourselves somewhere along this continuum. It’s worthwhile to do some self-searching to understand our attitudes toward money and how they affect our happiness.

Money is a far more emotional topic than most people realize. The great American economist and journalist, Sylvia Porter, wrote, “Money never remains just coins and pieces of paper. It is constantly changing into the comforts of daily life. Money can be translated into the beauty of living, a support in misfortune, an education, or future security. It can also be translated into a source of bitterness.”

Unless we deal with our unconscious attitudes toward money, we will almost certainly sabotage our financial success and stability.

Many beliefs do not stand up to rational analysis. For example, we may believe that it’s greedy to want more money, even if we are struggling. Or we may believe we are simply not the type of person who could become wealthy. Perhaps we think that money corrupts, and we are at risk of being taken for a ride, or becoming immoral, or disliked by our friends and family.

It may be worth taking a moment to uncover your money beliefs. Can you think of examples to disprove them?

Richard Templar, author of The Rules of Wealth, points out that money is neither good nor evil, but simply a means to an end. It can help us accomplish our goals and dreams. We often make all sorts of judgements about people who have made money, Templar says, yet money is just a payment given in exchange for clever thinking and hard work. “You aren’t given money by a committee who examine whether you deserve it or not, and whether you have been good enough or not,” he writes.

He suggests viewing money as a friend, not an enemy. After all, we have to deal with money almost every day: Buy a cappuccino or save a couple of dollars? How much to budget for a new car or house? Without money, life as we know it would disintegrate. So it becomes easier to see money in a neutral way, as a tool that facilitates life.

However, Templar warns that many people believe that more money would solve all their problems. Having money won’t make all your relationships flow smoothly — not by a long shot, he writes. It won’t protect you from disease. It may buy you better medical care after the event, but it won’t protect you.

“The more you see money as a solution, the greater the chance that you are missing the point entirely,” he writes. “Money will not make you happier, thinner or more popular with decent people. Money does not deliver lasting, meaningful peace of mind.” He states that we need to find the cure to our problems first and then find a way of funding that cure. “It is the oil that smoothes the wheels. It isn’t the engine.”

We can all make more money without losing sleep, compromising our principles, neglecting our families, losing our sense of humor or our ability to have fun. It is possible to have money and have a life, to be ethical and rich, to earn a lot and be a thoroughly nice person. It just sometimes seems that it isn’t. This is all part of debunking our personal money myths.

References

Furnham, Adrian. The Psychology of Money. Routledge: 1998.

Templar, Richard. The Rules of Wealth. Reuters Prentice Hall: 2007.

Sylvia Porter biography

Driven To Distraction : Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood

From Amazon.com reviews:

This clear and valuable book dispels a variety of myths about attention deficit disorder (ADD). Since both authors have ADD themselves, and both are successful medical professionals, perhaps there’s no surprise that the two myths they attack most persistently are: (a) that ADD is an issue only for children; and (b) that ADD corresponds simply to limited intelligence or limited self-discipline. “The word disorder puts the syndrome entirely in the domain of pathology, where it should not entirely be. Although ADD can generate a host of problems, there are also advantages to having it, advantages that this book will stress, such as high energy, intuitiveness, creativity, and enthusiasm, and they are completely overlooked by the ‘disorder’ model.” The authors go on to cite Mozart and Einstein as examples of probable ADD sufferers. (The problem as they see it is not so much attention deficit but attention inconsistency: “Most of us with ADD can in fact hyperfocus at times.”) Although they warn against overdiagnosis, they also do a convincing job of answering the criticism that “everybody, and therefore nobody” has ADD. Using numerous case studies and a discussion of the way ADD intersects with other conditions (e.g., depression, substance abuse, and obsessive-compulsive disorder), they paint a concrete picture of the syndrome’s realities. Especially helpful are the lists of tips for dealing with ADD in a child, a partner, or a family member.

“[… W]hat I found in this book was plenty of information on recognizing ADD. The book starts off with case study after case study after endless case study, showing quite obvious ADD behavior. There is no solution or even attempt to curtail these activities in the case studies, it just shows the various examples. […] All in all, there is good information on the early stages: self-detection, getting tested, looking for patterns in children, introducing this to family and friends, but little in the way of actually finding solutions to work through the ADD in personal or business/school life.”

Learn more at Amazon.com…

ADHD & Me: What I Learned from Lighting Fires at the Dinner Table

Blake Taylor’s memoir, written when he was 17, offers, for the first time, a young person’s account of what it’s like to live and grow up with this common condition. Join Blake as he foils bullies, confronts unfair teachers, struggles with distraction and disorganization on exams, and goes sailing out-of-bounds and ends up with a boatload of spiders. It will be an inspiration and companion to the millions of others like him who must find a way to thrive with a different perspective than many of us.

Blake’s mother first suspected he had ADHD when he, at only three years of age, tried to push his infant sister in her carrier off the kitchen table. As time went by, Blake developed a reputation for being hyperactive and impulsive. He launched rockets (accidentally) into neighbor’s swimming pools and set off alarms in museums. Blake was diagnosed formally with ADHD when he was five years old. In this book, he tells about the next twelve years as he learns to live with both the good and bad sides of life with ADHD.

The book also features an introduction by psychologist Lara Honos-Webb, author of The Gift of ADHD, and a leading advocate for kids with ADHD.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

The Survival Guide for Kids With ADD or ADHD

What are ADD and ADHD? What does it mean to have ADD and ADHD? How can kids diagnosed with ADD and ADHD help themselves succeed in school, get along better at home, and form healthy, enjoyable relationships with peers? In kid-friendly language and a format that welcomes reluctant and easily distracted readers, Free Spirit’s newest survival guide helps kids know they’re not alone and offers practical strategies for taking care of oneself, modifying behavior, enjoying school, having fun, and dealing (when needed) with doctors, counselors, and medication. Includes real-life scenarios, quizzes, and a special message for parents.

A great book for kids 6 to 12 years old.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

Parenting Children With ADHD: 10 Lessons That Medicine Cannot Teach

Kids with ADHD need to be loved and shown how to become successful adults. Unfortunately, their lack of attention and restlessness often get in the way. Parents of these kids try so hard to stay connected and remain patient in the face of daily frustration. However, it is an incredible challenge to remain positive and involved when your child does not respond to the kinds of strategies that work for other children. Without guidance and systematic treatment, these bright, inquisitive children are unlikely to graduate from high school, are more prone to use illegal drugs, and struggle to maintain employment as adults.

This book gives parents a framework for building a successful parenting program at home. Drawing from his experiences in evaluating and treating thousands of children and teens with ADHD, Vincent Monastra presents a series of ten lessons that are essential for promoting the success of kids with ADHD. In simple language, Monastra explains the causes of ADHD and how nutrition, medication and certain therapeutic procedures can improve attention, concentration, and behavioral control. Recognizing the importance of school success, Monastra also reviews the educational rights of children with ADHD and outlines a process for working with school districts to get your child the help they need. Beyond this foundation, Monastra describes non-confrontational ways to teach your child essential life skills like organization, problem-solving, and emotional control. Through guiding principles like “Work for Play” and “Time Stands Still”, Monastra ends the struggle for control and helps children learn that in life you need to “earn your play” and apologize and “make amends” when you do something that hurts another person (or makes their life more difficult).

There is no substitute for experience, and this author shares his vast clinical and research experience and expertise in working exclusively with children and teens with ADHD. The book sets itself apart from the sometimes crowded field of ADHD literature by offering a novel nonmedication/lessons-oriented approach to the management and treatment of ADHD.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

Madness: A Bipolar Life

By the author of the groundbreaking memoir Wasted about her struggle with eating disorders written nearly a decade ago, Marya Hornbacher is back. This time with a look at her struggle with bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) in her new book, Madness: A Bipolar Life. It is a lively biographical tale following the author’s life from age 4 to the present, and all of the stories that she believes related to her bipolar disorder. Read our full review here…

Manic: A Memoir

While living a Jackie Collins-like lifestyle as a Beverley Hills entertainment lawyer to the stars, she endures ECT without anaesthetic (and bit half her tongue off), a brutal night in jail, two suicide attempts with dramatic rescues, a severe eating disorder, and a glamorous romance ended with the cruel statement, “I would marry you in a minute, if it wasn’t for the manic depression.” There’s much more, too. The first chapter comes on strong, reeling with an overabundance of intense action. Surely some is embellishment? Read our full review here…

New Hope For People With Bipolar Disorder

Sometimes a book with multiple authors can be a train wreck. This is not one of those books, as each author brings a unique and valuable perspective to helping people understand bipolar disorder, a disorder that as it gains more press attention, also gains a lot more misconceptions. Read our full review here…

An Unquiet Mind

In Touched with Fire, Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychiatrist, turned a mirror on the creativity so often associated with mental illness. In this book she turns that mirror on herself. With breathtaking honesty she tells of her own manic depression, the bitter costs of her illness, and its paradoxical benefits: “There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness and terror involved in this kind of madness…. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.” This is one of the best scientific autobiographies ever written, a combination of clarity, truth, and insight into human character. “We are all, as Byron put it, differently organized,” Jamison writes. “We each move within the restraints of our temperament and live up only partially to its possibilities.” Jamison’s ability to live fully within her limitations is an inspiration to her fellow mortals, whatever our particular burdens may be. Learn more at Amazon.com…

Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families

In this book for persons with bipolar disorder and their families, Dr. Frank Mondimore offers a comprehensive and compassionate guide to the symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, and causes of this potentially devastating psychiatric illness, formerly known as “manic-depression.” He offers practical advice for getting the most out of the various treatments that are now available - from medication, psychotherapy, and electroconvulsive treatment to new approaches such as transcranial magnetic stimulation. For each, he discusses advantages, disadvantages, side effects, and other information to help patients make informed decisions about treatment options. He also describes what it is like to live with bipolar disorder and discusses how lifestyle changes can improve quality of life. Throughout, he focuses on the importance of building a support system, of planning for emergencies, and of giving one’s self permission to seek help. Learn more at Amazon.com…

Living Without Depression and Manic Depression: A Workbook for Maintaining Mood Stability

Those affected with depressive and manic depressive disorders can live fairly normal lives with proper treatment. But what about exercises and things a person can do to help themselves improve? This book provides self-help tips to supplement treatment programs, providing encouragement for self-advocacy and including recommendations for support and self-help therapy. From minimizing negative influences from the past to using peer counseling effectively, this workbook is packed with tips and exercises. As such, it is best recommended for someone who is interested in taking active involvement in their treatment and wants to do as much as possible to help themselves.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

Active Treatment of Depression

Addressing his fellow professionals in the mental health field, O’Connor argues that the current state of understanding of the causes and treatments for depression are woefully inadequate and quite often counterproductive. He argues that no single theory can adequately explain the causes and no single treatment plan can successfully be applied universally to depressed patients. He also calls upon his colleagues to recognize that although incidents of depression may sometimes be successfully treated, all too often depression is a chronic disease that is not improved by one-time interventions of pharmaceuticals or other therapies. O’Connor advocates for an “active” treatment that holistically explores multiple causes of depression and looks to all treatment modalities to find the proper combination of methods that can be applied to each unique case.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

The Feeling Good Handbook

Depression is a crippling and often misunderstood disorder in today’s society. While many people advocate a purely medical model of this problem (and label it a “disease,” like cancer), others find it more helpful to explore the depths of depression and other possible causes. Since medication isn’t right for everyone with this disorder, and not everyone can afford to attend weekly therapy sessions, David Burns has written a book for those people looking to help themselves through this disorder.

This excellent how-to manual leads people who are depressed on a journey of understanding and self-discovery. Beginning with an easy to read and understand overview of the cognitive theory of what causes people to become depressed, it goes on to discuss the multitude of methods and techniques used to help treat depression. You don’t have to believe in everything the cognitive theory of depression tells us about this disorder to attain a great deal of benefit from the techniques found throughout the book. The daily homework assignments coupled with the elaboration of the kinds of cognitive mistakes everyone makes everyday (for instance, overgeneralizing one bad thing which happens to you to mean that you are a bad person) are especially helpful. It is really chock full of useful and down-to-earth explanations and things which people can do everyday to try and help themselves. Based upon Aaron Beck’s cognitive work in researching depression.

This book is on my bookshelf for good reason. It is not only a good read once, but you can pick it up time and time again to reference and refer to items which you may have forgotten. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is currently suffering for depression, or as a gift to someone who you know is suffering from this terrible disorder. While not everything in it may make sense to everyone who reads it, there is really something for almost anybody who suffers from depression. Softcover, 220 pages.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

Talking Back to Prozac

What Doctors Won’t Tell You About Today’s Most Controversial Drug

Talking Back to Prozac One of the most controversial books in its time, it is also one of the most detailed analyses of how drug manufacturers gain FDA approval. In making such an analysis, the Breggins also indict the drug manufacturers and the whole drug approval process as inherently flawed, biased, and inadequate for protecting Americans from potentially-harmful new medications.

Some parts of this book are too detailed and can be boring to some readers (professionals especially, who may already have the necessary education and background to skip the sections about how the brain works). But the large majority of the book is neither boring nor easy to put down, as the Breggins detail how Eli Lilly conducted its drug approval studies, analyse the resulting data themselves, and illustrate how Prozac, the popular antidepressant, did only barely better than a sugar pill (or placebo) in some of the studies used for FDA approval.

A reply to another popular Prozac book (Listening to Prozac by Peter Kramer), this book can sometimes go too far in drawing conclusions which the data neither support nor suggest. I would suggest it as a must-read though, if you are taking Prozac or a similar SSRI for the treatment of depression, and especially if you have already read Listening to Prozac. In the context of the other book, it presents “the other side,” and in-between, I’d suggest, you will find a middle ground… Yes, there are problems with our current drug approval system, but it still remains one of the more conservative and best such systems in the world. Available in both paperback and hardcover.

If you’re taking Prozac or any other of the newer antidepressant medications today, you should read this book.

Learn more at Amazon.com…

Undoing Depression

Richard O’Connor knows what he talks about in one of the most thorough, comprehensive, and enjoyable books I’ve ever read on the beast we call depression. As a therapist, a supervisor, an administrator, and perhaps most importantly, as a human being. O’Connor brings more to this topic than a simple recitation of facts and self-help methods. He brings the human experience home to the reader, in a way few writers do in this book genre.

O’Connor warns in the introduction that this is a book filled with stuff that the two distinct audiences (mental health professionals and laypeople) may not ordinarily share. Each chapter offers not only in-depth and balanced knowledge and information O’Connor imparts to the reader, but also a good dose of humanity and caring. For instance, interspersed throughout each chapter are personal stories from therapy, and clients’ own stories, bringing home specific, important points. It makes what might otherwise be yet another impersonal self-help book (from a mental health professional) into a relevant, useful guide easy to relate to aspects of one’s own life.

O’Connor’s writing is fluid and down-to-earth; he never gets mired in details losing the main point of his argument or discussion. He gives specific examples throughout each chapter, and keeps everything understandable while not minimizing the complexity of specific subjects. The book is extensive, and its length may be off putting (especially to those currently suffering from depression). But its length is also its greatest strength, because it covers so many topics relating to depression so well. Offering a single guide to depression is a big undertaking, since depression infiltrates so many aspects of a person’s life.

If you’re suffering from depression and have tried other self-help methods, you might want to try this book. 358 pages, hardcover (softcover edition also available).

Learn more at Amazon.com…

Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression

Read our brief take on this book by Brooke Shields. We found the book a good memoir and read for anyone who is going through postpartum depression, and perhaps, even for expecting mothers who already are beginning to feel overwhelmed. Postpartum depression is a fairly common occurrence, yet it is still rarely talked about openly by medical professionals.

A Long Way Down

Read our full review on this work of fiction by author Nick Hornby as he weaves a tale of four very different people brought together by the act of trying to commit suicide. Black humor for humor’s sake? No, this is an often-touching, human account of the delicate balance that many of our lives hang.

Ms. Hornbacher’s writing style is raw and in-the-moment, and she doesn’t mince words with very detailed descriptions of her thinking, feelings and behaviors — some of which may be too much for readers easily triggered (especially the self-injury cutting scene which kicks off the book in the Prologue; be warned, the book has more self-injury and possibly triggering behavior throughout).

Bipolar disorder is characterized by mood swings from elated highs to depressing lows. And in rapid cycling, such mood swings occur more frequently than normally. A person with such a diagnosis can typically lead a very challenging life if they don’t find treatment that works for them.

The joy for me in reading a book like this is that it brings into extreme focus one woman’s life and struggle with mental illness in a way rarely experienced by most of us. Her writing style makes it feel like you are there with her — in her life, in her mind — experiencing the same things that she is. You not only get a close-up look of bipolar disorder, but also of all of her attempts at diagnosis and treatment, including multiple hospitalizations. Such episodes paint a picture of how difficult it is to get straight, simple answers for one’s emotional pain and trauma. And how difficult it is to find a treatment regiment that actually works. You end up feeling just as frustrated as she was in trying to get help for her problems.

Real life is messy, and so is the book. Written with real-world dialogue (including the liberal use of profanities) and messy situations of a life in progress, the book is not for the feint of heart. I find Ms. Hornbacher’s style and wit interesting and engrossing; others may find it more self-involved and navel-gazing. But isn’t that why we read a book of this nature — to gain first-hand perspective of what it is to live with a debilitating illness like bipolar?

Ms. Horbacher’s life makes for an amazing read, and this memoir won’t disappoint. The numerous setbacks she experiences only makes you appreciate every time she finds a moment of happiness or peace. Shortly into the book, you begin rooting for her, as though she were some fictional character in a novel. And that’s the clincher — she’s not fictional, she’s real. The stories she tells are of a real person trying to find their way in a hard world that doesn’t always understand or make any allowances for someone struggling with mental illness. Madness, as she notes, isn’t pretty or predictable:

Here’s the Hell of it: madness doesn’t announce itself. There isn’t time to prepare for its coming. It shows up without calling and sits in your kitchen ashing in your plant. You ask how long it plans to stay; it shrugs its shoulders, gets up, and starts digging through the fridge.

That’s the crux of it — even when under treatment and “doing well,” some people with bipolar disorder and other serious mental disorders sometimes feel like they live in a state of siege. They’re never sure when the next episode is going to rear its ugly head once again.

The book is highly recommended, if you can stomach the rawness of it and the descriptions of the self-injury behavior, for anyone who has a loved one in their life grappling with bipolar disorder, or really any serious mental disorder. For people who have bipolar disorder, Ms. Hornbacher’s memoir will likely sound like a familiar tale. 299 pp., softcover.

The need to form a mutually protective alliance is innate, according to psychoanalyst John Bowlby. This need persists throughout life; the search to be both cared for and caregiver underlies falling in love.

Long-lasting couples manage to keep this vulnerability alive. Each person’s awareness of the importance of partnership underlies his or her attentiveness to the other. This “protective love” focuses on the partnership and the ability to put the other first. As parents, they instinctively soothe their children’s tears, and in the same way, they are responsive to each other.

Such deep caring comes easily at a relationship’s beginning. Lust and novelty keep us attentively glued to each other when we fall in love. It’s in the next phase, when routines and irritations set in, that protective love is tested. Deep connectedness — feeling our partner’s triumphs and setbacks as our own — is a hallmark of the early stages of love. We are careful with our words and behavior and take care not to wound the other.

Remaining this attuned to a partner takes energy and commitment. Barriers may still stand in the way, though:

• Busyness. Our busy lives mean we have to make an effort to take the time to talk and catch up. Such moments are essential for keeping empathetically tuned in to one’s partner. You need to motivate yourself to go out together, just the two of you, to focus on each other after a long day at work. This is the choice that long-lasting couples make. In a successful partnership, “I” develops into “we,”, and “independence” into “interdependence.”

• Fear of dependence on another. Growing up means becoming strong and standing on our own two feet, which implies independence. We can be reluctant to admit we miss our partner when they’re not there. But obeying a rigid script of independent adulthood doesn’t allow a close relationship to grow. We can take note of our need for our partner, our disappointment and loneliness when they are away, and give ourselves permission to miss them.

Prolonged stress tests protective love. Taking the long view — using memories of past happiness as insurance for the future — can help. Recalling our original commitment and promises to each other can help love endure the inevitable rough patches.

When John Bowlby’s attachment theory was extended to adult romantic relationships, psychologists found that partners in relationships classed as “secure” tend to show low anxiety and avoidance. In other words, they are relaxed about opening up to each other. Research suggests these partnerships allow people to cope better with stress, including the stress of having a child.

Securely attached people tend to have positive views of their relationships, often reporting a great deal of satisfaction in their relationships. They feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence, seeking to balance the two. When they do feel anxious, they try to reduce their anxiety by seeking physical or psychological closeness to their partner. During difficult situations they seek support, comfort, and assistance from their partner. A secure partner then responds positively, reaffirming a sense of normality and reducing anxiety. This expression of love puts into practice the key elements of a secure partnership: consistency, attunement to the other, and availability when needed.

Thinking about the concept of attachment in your relationship can add new meaning and help you develop a deeper, lasting bond. We all need someone we can rely on in order to maintain a sense of wellbeing. Knowing your partner is encouraging and rooting for you frees you to concentrate elsewhere. Secure and supported, you are able to produce, enjoy and be open to new experiences.

References

Bowlby, John. Attachment. 1983: Basic Books.

Overview of attachment theory

Hazan C. and Shaver P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 52, pp. 511-24.

Mikulincer M. and Florian V. (1995). Appraisal of and Coping with a Real-Life Stressful Situation: The Contribution of Attachment Styles. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Vol. 21, pp. 406-14.

Simpson J.A., Rholes W.S., and Nelligan J.S. (1992). Support seeking and support giving within couples in an anxiety provoking situation: The role of attachment styles. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 62, pp. 434-46.

Sable, Pat. Attachment and Adult Psychotherapy. 2001: Jason Aronson.

Maybe you’ve been together for a number of years and moving in together seems like the next logical step. Maybe it’s a matter of saving money. After all, why pay rent at two places if you’re always together? Maybe you think living together will help you decide if you’re really meant for each other.

Whatever the reason, if you are an unmarried couple and thinking about sharing a home, you’re certainly not alone. More than 2/3 of married couples in the U.S. now say they lived together before getting married. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were about 11 million unmarried couples living together in 2000, representing over 8 percent of American households. Most of these couples are under age 30; an increasing number are seniors who wish to share love and a household without entangling finances. But before you sign a lease together, there are some things you should know.

While many parents have tried to raise their children under a moral code that connects sharing a home with exchanging vows, their 20-something kids have grown up in a culture that normalizes living together as a life stage. Those of us who came of age during the 1960s and 1970s remember well the stigma and moral injunctions that were visited on couples who decided to live together back then. Some couples went to great lengths to keep their living arrangement secret. Some flaunted convention. But whether the arrangement was seen as a precursor to marriage or a philosophical objection to state involvement in love, such couples were outside the mainstream and risked the disapproval and ire of relatives and community.

In less than 40 years, living together has become more acceptable and more prevalent, setting up a generational divide that sometimes causes major tension, even rifts, between young adults and their parents.

If potential family discord weren’t enough, unmarried couples tend to break up more than married couples do. The probability of a first marriage ending in divorce within 5 years is 20 percent, while the probability of a couple living together breaking up after 5 years is 49 percent. Those are sobering numbers, indeed.

Cohabiting couples aren’t necessarily doomed to failure. Like most things, it’s not the obstacles or the numbers that matter but the reasons behind them and whether they are relevant to your situation. By becoming aware of the issues and carefully working them through together before you call the moving vans or rent the truck, you are less likely to be surprised by an outcome you neither predicted nor wanted.

For one thing, men and women tend to view living together differently. Women, as a rule, see moving in together as a serious step toward a long-term commitment. Men, on the other hand, tend to see it as a way to decide if they are going to make such a commitment. Unless a couple talks seriously about it, they may be surprised and dismayed to find that they made different assumptions about the nature of their relationship when they said yes to the live-in arrangement. She tends to end up more hurt. He tends to end up feeling unjustly accused of promising more than he was willing to deliver. It’s important to make sure you understand and agree with each other’s ideas about the meaning of a shared apartment before you move in.

Living together is seen by some as a “trial” marriage. If the trial isn’t successful, the couple feels free to break up and move on. Unfortunately, becoming a couple on the basis that it is a trial builds in the notion that it might not work. When people feel “on trial,” they don’t commit in the same way as when they have vowed to make it work “for better or worse.” If a couple wants the trial to result in marriage, they need to talk honestly about how much effort they are willing to put into resolving differences instead of using them as reasons to break apart. Setting a time limit on the “trial” helps a couple stay focused on resolving the issues that, if left unresolved, could become deal-breakers.

The high divorce rates of the 1970s and 1980s have resulted in many young people being phobic about marriage. Having lived through the confusion, pain, and instability of their parents’ breakup, they never want to go through anything similar again. They especially don’t want to put a child through what they experienced. When love sneaks up on them, living together may seem like a way to make a long-term relationship without making themselves so vulnerable to loss.

Like the trial marriages, these relationships already have a crack in their foundation. By keeping some part of their hearts safe from hurt, these couples “protect” themselves from being fully committed and are therefore more likely to break up under the inevitable stresses of life. If one or both of you comes from a divorced family, it’s important to talk about how it shaped your opinions and attitudes about making a more permanent commitment.

Some unmarried couples end up staying together for a long time for the wrong reasons. They know the relationship isn’t quite right but it just takes too much effort to separate belongings and to find new places to live. Or a separate place seems financially impossible. Or each person is convinced that he or she won’t find anything better. Or one or the other is afraid of being alone. Or the families and friends see them as a couple. Such couples slide into each additional year without being really committed to each other. Finally something happens that shakes them out of their inertia and they part company, having deprived themselves of years when they might have found true love. Having a pact to reevaluate at least once a year can prevent such a slide into expediency. Staying clear and regularly talking about what you each want over the long term can help you avoid “settling” for less.

Finally, it is difficult to survive as a couple if the extended families and other people who matter are against the cohabitation arrangement. Every couple runs into tough spots now and then. When family and community like your partner and approve of your lifestyle, they usually step in to help a couple through the hard times with advice, support, and encouragement. That support won’t be there if they think living together is immoral or was a mistake from the start. When couples include the parents who love them in their thinking and plans, there is often more room than anyone thought to reach some kind of understanding.

We live in one of the most affluent cultures that the world has ever seen, with unprecedented access to technology designed to simplify our lives. And yet time is in short supply, taken up with people, possessions, tasks, habits, rituals and routines that make us anxious, drain our energy and do not give pleasure or add value to our lives.

John Lennon of the Beatles famously said: “Life is what happens when you are making busy other plans.” And busyness is contagious. While we are preoccupied with our self-imposed obligations, ambitions and endless to-do lists, our real friendships get neglected, our bodies expand and migrate south, our children’s childhoods pass, and we never get around to writing that novel/taking that trip/learning that skill or whatever our real desire or passion is.

It takes energy to be really happy with your life. Make a note of what’s currently dragging you down, and then add to it as you read through the areas of life listed below. Get rid of all the physical, mental and emotional clutter you have accumulated over the years and you will gain the time, space and inclination to enjoy life more.

Physical clutter

Physical clutter is everywhere: on our shelves, in our pockets, purses, cupboards and floors, even on our computer. Do you use it? Does it give you pleasure? If not, then get rid of it. The acquisition cost is in the past. Those things you hang on to use up your energy every time you pass them as you try not to notice them.

Identify the stuff you do not want. Now you have four choices: sell, give away, donate to charity, or dump. Keep the rest, repairing anything that needs fixing and organizing proper storage so that everything has a place. Tackle this in stages, perhaps an hour or one large item a week. It may be hard to start with but you’ll be amazed how good it feels.

Mental clutter

Mental clutter is an even bigger energy drain. It has three primary manifestations: information overload, aspirations, and busyness. All three are highly addictive and are valued by our society.

Information overload is exhausting, as are unmet aspirations. Think of the silent reproach of the piles of books you’ll get round to reading “someday,” the uncooked recipes, the unwatched DVDs. Increase mental energy by giving up on at least one of your long-held aspirations, one of the vague ones that has been hanging over you for years. Also try reducing the media input in your life.

Delegate when you can and create systems to save time. Set up automated reminders of birthdays and other important events on your PC. Consider automatic bill payments. Alternatively, mark crucial dates on a wall planner. Establish a filing system for paperwork and organize appropriate folders for computer documents. Online shopping could save you time.

Emotional clutter

Emotional clutter is the most insidious of all. Why do we waste our precious time on social obligations that eat our leisure time without giving pleasure? Because we think we should? Because we like to feel needed? Or because we’re scared of being neglected or forgotten if we don’t go?

Aim to create new patterns and expectations for all the relationships you value. Eliminate “shoulds” by controlling the frequency, timing and duration of visits, phone calls and emails. If you no longer have the time or inclination, abandon long-established rituals, such as weekly nights out or monthly visits. Break away from the need to be needed; it seriously impedes your ability to streamline your life.

Free of mental, physical and emotional clutter, you will no longer waste time trying to manage situations that shouldn’t arise in the first place. Feeling lighter and happier, you’ll have more time for loved ones. You will have an abundance of energy with which to carry ideas and projects through to completion.

Reference and other resources

Passof, Michelle. Lighten Up!: Free Yourself from Clutter. HarperCollins, 2000.

Declutter your mind

While living a Jackie Collins-like lifestyle as a Beverley Hills entertainment lawyer to the stars, she endures ECT without anaesthetic (and bit half her tongue off), a brutal night in jail, two suicide attempts with dramatic rescues, a severe eating disorder, and a glamorous romance ended with the cruel statement, “I would marry you in a minute, if it wasn’t for the manic depression.” There’s much more, too. The first chapter comes on strong, reeling with an overabundance of intense action. Surely some is embellishment?

Cheney introduces the 240-page memoir with the caveat that her memory is impaired from both bipolar and its treatments. It is common for amnesia to accompany mania, and sad that ECT has caused permanent memory damage in her. “The world has never seemed as sharp and clear as it did before the ECT.”

She goes on to say names and places have been changed and ends with, “This book represents what I remember. This book is my truth.” With that statement, what is verifiable and what is fiction no longer matters. It’s a truth, her truth, and not necessarily the truth-truth.

It’s written to heighten the drama, absolutely, and incidents like flying 14 kites on a cliff in a thunderstorm are easy to enhance. An arrest, an outburst, a chapter about a private hospital stay, another chapter about a relationship gone bad; the events stand on their own and are remixed rather than presented in a linear sequence. She has structured her story into a book so readable it’s been charged with being “beach reading.” It has a beautiful ending, too, that will surely prompt your smile. Cheney is a visibly talented writer who can affect your emotions with her own. I hope she will publish some clearly designated fiction in future.

Meanwhile, this bestseller is a sensation and maybe that’s partly due to some incredulity. Maybe I don’t want to believe it? Is it cynical controversy? But, her anecdotes have elements familiar to anyone with the disorder. Dangers of mania, and the sensations of madness are vividly described. Why shouldn’t this memoir be real if it’s got that? Extreme highs and lows are how it goes.

She surrounds herself with beautiful things, especially an expensive chic wardrobe, for that reason. Admitting to snobbery toward other mental patients (who “didn’t feel like real people” in a hospital), she explains why.

“A hundred years ago, insanity was diagnosed by appearance–the so-called science of physiognomy. We haven’t come all that far since then. … So when you have a tendency to go mad every so often, it isn’t safe to be unkempt, ever–not in your manner, your speech, and especially not in your looks.

Sometimes I think that a hundred-dollar haircut is all that stands between me and a fourteen-day hold.”

Maybe that does help her to be so very high functioning. I’ve done the same thing at times to camouflage interior chaos, to keep from being a stigmatized stereotype seen as out of control. It’s necessary in the workplace and at social events. But, in Cheney it seems to be an obsession. She’s so very into being fabulous that she chooses a long black cashmere dress to die in because it wouldn’t get wrinkled.

Now, there’s something only someone who obsesses over suicide when depressed or in a mixed state (with symptoms of both depression and mania, it’s the most dangerous state in bipolar because there’s energy to act on suicidal ideas) would understand. The many details involved in planning. If she’d only read about mental illness that sort of thing would not likely be mentioned.

Details like that piled up and as I read further through the text, I became more convinced it isn’t a hoax. Cheney ultimately demonstrates a deep and authentic understanding of bipolar disorder.

“True mania never steps out the door in anything less provocative than spike heels or slingbacks.” That’s framed in fashion terms again, but it is clear.

It’s also true that mania is more a state of agitation than feeling high, as in “highs and lows” of bipolar spectrum disorders. Many people understand that to mean high as in euphoric. Sometimes there is a sense of euphoria but it’s accompanied by easily-triggered irritability. Grandiosity brings with it a flood of ideas at great speed. Cheney describes taking notes just to keep up with her thoughts. She also describes the edginess, the need to seek out experiences, people and things that drive things like manic shopping sprees. Every person with bipolar has a story about wacky things they bought while manic or hypomanic. What is Cheney’s? A dozen garden gnomes, even though she had no garden or yard. Definitely that qualifies as manic spending. Cheney had lots of money to spend, too.

Not so much now, as she’s become disabled by the disorder. She is now a mental health advocate who founded a weekly support group in Los Angeles and serves on the Community Advisory Board of the UCLA Mood Disorders Research Program. She is now sharing her experience to help others, and Manic: A Memoir is a great vehicle.

There are some profound aphorisms to be found in its pages. My favorite is also a great take away message for anyone feeling depressed: “The cruelest curse of this disease is also its most sacred promise: You will not feel this way forever.”

The book is at its most engaging when it takes on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), as well as Motivational Interviewing and the Stages of Change psychosocial model. The latter two may not be familiar to most, but at this point CBT is becoming more widely known in America and is a well-researched effective treatment for depression (very severe depression would be an exception) that is sadly not used much in America. I’m sure most people can guess at the reasons why. What amuses me is that some reviewers have written off Barber’s work on grounds that the psychotherapies he discusses in the book are unresearched and wooly-minded. I think these writers likely need to check their facts a bit more carefully before penning their reviews.

In the case of Peter Kramer, author of Listening to Prozac, who chopped up Barber’s work on slate.com a few weeks ago, I think he was just arrogantly responding to a book that had taken a few shots — well-aimed ones — at his own book. Why slate.com let him review the book is beyond me (he sure didn’t mention in the review that Barber had knifed him up). Why Judith Warner wrote about Barber’s book without having read past the introduction is an even scarier concept. Sorry, folks, but the evidence on CBT as a treatment for depression is quite well hammered out at this point. It’s likely a better first line treatment for depression (as opposed to what Barber calls Depression, as in severe clinical depression, where meds as a frontline defense are better suited) than are anti-depressants, but it does require the kind of work and mental self-discipline that most Americans will say they are too busy to do (I’d say they are too lazy).

Anyhow, Barber also deftly handles issues in neuroscience and shows how psychotherapy can actually change people’s brains and cognitive systems in much the same way we’ve long been told that Prozac and its cousins do (even when they don’t). I won’t belabor the neuroscience part of his book or CBT any further. They speak for themselves. Regardless of what Kramer and Warner believe.

Let me address something else: I’ve heard from a few readers that they are disappointed that Barber doesn’t tackle bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and that he is too “pro meds” for these conditions. The reality is that Barber’s perspective is shaped by his years as a social worker in some very intense homeless shelters and low income housing facilities in New York City and Connecticut. Having reported on and worked in some of the same sorts of facilities out this way, I understand where he’s coming from. There’s a large chunk of one of the book’s later chapters devoted to a man diagnosed with schizophrenia who goes from freaking on the streets and smoking crack to taking Haldol and getting a whole bunch of “environmental enrichment,” for lack of a better term, and then suddenly he gets stable enough for housing and then he winds up as foreman of a jury. It’s a truly remarkable story and, yes, antipsychotics were a big part of this man’s success. So was not smoking crack. If anyone has trouble wrapping their minds around the fact that the folks who show up at homeless shelters with mental disorders are so ill that antipsychotics are the only way to reach them effectively, then they are kidding themselves. I’ve seen this myself.

Barber is quite clear when he writes about schizophrenia that 10 percent to 20 percent of all people diagnosed with schizophrenia are simply not helped at all by psych meds. He’s honest about that (and most people who broach the subject of schizophrenia in print are not honest about that point), but this isn’t really a book about schizophrenia. It’s not a book about bipolar disorder. It’s about depression. And, in my mind, it’s probably the best single book I’ve ever read about depression.

So there you have it. This is an excellent, readable book that people should consider buying. Barber’s own website is here.

Philip Dawdy is author of the excellent blog, Furious Seasons. This book review is reprinted here with permission. All proceeds from purchase of this book through our Amazon.com link will be donated to Furious Seasons.