Self-Esteem Library


F E A T U R E D    A R T I C L E

You Are a Key Member of Your Treatment Team

November 7th, 2014
However much the pharmaceutical companies would have us believe it, taking a pill or even a cocktail of pills probably won’t make your diagnosis of mental illness go away completely. Recovering is a verb -- a series of ...

Cognitive Distortions: The Lies Depression Tells

Cognitive Distortions: The Lies Depression TellsDepression is a master manipulator. It spins negative stories and makes you think these tall tales are cold, hard facts. But they’re really cognitive distortions. “[N]ot only does the illness make our thoughts more negative, but it tends to make us see negative events ...

Love, Lust or Addiction?

what-it-means-to-be-in-loveWonder whether you’re in love or in lust? Whether your obsession about someone is a sign of love or addiction? Whether you’re staying in a troubled relationship because you’re addicted or in love? It’s complicated, and lust and love and addiction don’t always exclude one another. ...

Marital Rape

crying woman upset googleAs an advice columnist, I receive too many letters like these (names have been changed): Anna is a woman in her 40s. She has been in a conflicted marriage for years. Her husband insists on morning sex, even though he knows it will make ...

How to Change Your Attachment Style

How to Change Your Attachment StyleWe’re wired for attachment -- that's why babies cry when separated from their mothers. Depending especially upon our mother’s behavior, as well as later experiences and other factors, we develop a style of attaching that affects our behavior in close relationships. Fortunately, ...

How to Tell if Your Decisions are from Your Evolved or Primitive Brain

Diabetes Drug Makes Brain Cells Grow in MiceDecisions can be motivated by thoughtful consideration from our higher mind (frontal lobe/executive functions) or fear-based survival instincts (amygdala, impulses) from a more primitive mind. When decisions are informed by our higher mind, they are more likely to lead ...

What’s the Best Treatment for Hair-Pulling Disorder?

What's the Best Treatment for Hair-Pulling Disorder?After school, Henry would sit down and watch TV, but one hour later, his mom would discover he had been pulling his eyelashes and eyebrows. It wasn’t that he didn’t want them, he just couldn’t stop plucking them. When his friends ...

Healing from Neglect: When Those We Love Don’t Love Us

BOOK REVIEW.
It is an emotion that has inspired the rise and fall of empires and that influences the very foundation of our development. But how you approach love is dependent on your past and present associations with it. The belief that love is a many-splendored thing falls away when we step back and evaluated the collateral ...

Lessons from my Depression

Lessons from my DepressionI was in a hopeless, dark place about seven years ago. I was living in a single room on the thirteenth floor of a building. One day it felt like it made more sense to jump from the window than to find the ...

Conquering Shame & Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You

BOOK REVIEW.
“I had found the enemy — and it was me.”  So writes Darlene Lancer in Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Sometimes there are true external foes that we must fight and defeat. But quite often, when we take a hard look at a situation, we are indeed our own worst enemy. ...

Are You in Denial?

Are You in Denial?We’re all in denial. We’d barely get through the day if we worried that we or people we love could die today. Life is unpredictable, and denial helps us cope and focus on what we must in order to survive. On the other ...

Are You a People-Pleaser?

Are You a People-Pleaser?Everyone starts out in life wanting to be safe, loved, and accepted. It’s in our DNA. Some of us figure out that the best way to do this is to put aside what we want or feel and allow someone else’s needs and ...

Teaching Children to Do Hard Things

Teaching Children to Do Hard ThingsA child and his grandfather are at the playground. There is a high teepee set up with ropes and it looks challenging for the 3-year-old boy. His grandfather invites him to climb it. As he takes the first step toward the top, ...

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

BOOK REVIEW.
Sometimes one has the pleasure of reading a book that provides genuine insight and discusses a concept previously unnamed. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by clinical psychologist Jonice Webb and contributor Christine Musello, was one such book for me.  It is no secret that I consider many self-help books questionable, or, at best, critically lacking ...

The Anxiety of Facebook

The Anxiety of FacebookSocial media has changed the way people interact. We can now remain in constant contact with hundreds of so-called friends, even ones we rarely see in person. The impact of social media on society has prompted researchers to investigate whether its effect is positive or ...

Therapists Spill: The Keys to Creating Positive Change

Therapists Spill: The Keys to Creating Positive ChangeCreating positive changes in your life is tough. It can be scary. “We fear the unknown, fear failure, even fear success,” said Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and expert in postpartum mental health. Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, Ph.D, also ...

Six Ways to Help Your Perfectionist Child Find Balance

Six Ways to Help your Perfectionist Child Find BalanceFour-year-old Max would crumple his paper when his drawing wasn’t perfect. He would start over, and often grow angry and eventually give up. His parents noticed his rigidity, but hoped he would grow out of it. When he ...

Five Telltale Signs Your Child is a Budding Perfectionist

Five Telltale Signs Your Child is a Budding PerfectionistI once met a young man who had had many successes in his youth. He was intelligent and outgoing. He had always been the star in high school and had enjoyed the praise he received from others, but ...

Perfectionism’s Trap: Matthew McConaughey’s Impossible Chase

Perfectionism's Trap: Matthew McConaughey's Impossible ChasePerfectionism is an addiction, meaning we’re repeatedly unable to stop our perfectionist behaviors. Like other addictions, perfectionism varies in severity and can have negative consequences. It harms our self-esteem, makes us unable to accept other people’s differences and their mistakes and ...

Picking up the Pieces After the Betrayal of Cheating

Picking up the Pieces After the Betrayal of CheatingIt must be cellular: Men and women automatically feel humiliated when their partner cheats, even though they themselves have done nothing to be ashamed of. Too often, people feel embarrassed for their partner's behavior, whether it's domestic violence, ...

Boys Need Help with Self-Esteem, Too

Boys Need Help with Self-Esteem, TooI’ve been writing an advice column for years. Lately, I’ve been receiving more and more letters from boys who feel bad about themselves, who are depressed that the only friends they have are online, and who feel directionless. Some aren’t doing ...

5 Tips on How to Keep New Year’s Resolutions

5 Tips on How to Keep New Year's ResolutionsWhy bother to make resolutions and then feel disappointed or guilty for breaking them? Do you get excited and resolve to change, but within days or weeks lose interest and can’t motivate yourself? Wonder why you get sidetracked ...

Helping Your Anxious Child Become More Assertive

Helping Your Anxious Child Become More AssertiveThe other day, I heard a grandfather talk about a phone call he received from his daughter. She told him how his elementary school-aged grandson had been teased and bullied at his local church when he wore glasses for the ...