Fortunately, key strategies can reduce and improve these symptoms. “The most important strategy is definitive treatment for the depression with psychotherapy and medication,” said William Marchand, M.D., a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Utah School of Medicine and author of the book Depression and Bipolar Disorder: Your Guide to Recovery.

For instance, psychotherapy helps individuals become more aware of their cognitive symptoms, which can be subtle, Dr. Marchand said. It also teaches individuals specific techniques to improve their symptoms. And it helps clients gain a more accurate perspective on their illness.

“Because of the negative thinking associated with depression, there is a tendency to interpret symptoms as personal failings rather than as symptoms of an illness. A therapist can help one see things as they are – rather than through the distorting lens of depression,” Marchand said.

In addition to professional treatment, there are many strategies you can practice on your own to improve cognitive symptoms. Below are several techniques you can try.

Revise Distorted Thoughts

“I think it’s vital to teach any depressed individual how to ‘think happy,’” Serani said. Revising problematic thought patterns is key because they only fuel the fog and despair of depression.

“This approach definitely takes some time, patience and elbow grease, but once [it’s] learned, [it] enhances well-being.”

The first step is to monitor your negative thoughts, which you can record in a journal. A negative thought is anything such as “I’m a total loser” or “I can’t do anything right,” she said.

It’s also important to focus on how a negative thought affects your mood. By and large, it derails it. “Generally, [negative thoughts] will worsen mood, decrease hope and lower self-esteem.”

Next, challenge the reality of your thought, and replace it with a healthier one. Serani gave the following example: “Am I really a loser? Do I really do everything wrong? Actually, I get a lot of things right in life. So I’m not really a loser.”

Finally, review how each realistic thought affects your mood. According to Serani, it “leads to a healthier frame of mind. Now this new, healthy thought replaces the negative one and shifts mood into a less depressive place.”

Use Your Senses

“For helping with executive functioning skills for memory, focus and decision-making, I always recommend using your sense of sight, hearing and touch,” Serani said.

Technology can be especially helpful. For instance, you can set reminders for taking medication, attending therapy and running errands on your smart phone, computer or tablet.

If you don’t have access to technology or prefer pen and paper, Serani suggested placing brightly colored notes with reminders around your home and office. “Using touch to write will track the task more deeply into your memory and the visual cue to ‘see’ the reminder will help you keep your focus.”

Your sense of touch also can help when making a decision, said Serani, who uses this technique herself, “especially if I’m struggling with a significant melancholic mood.” She suggested a grounding practice, which “helps you be in the moment”: Place your hand on your heart, take a deep, slow breath and ask yourself the question you need to know. “Slowing things down and focusing on your sense of self can better help you make decisions.”

Take Small Steps

“Depression has a way of taxing you physical[ly], emotional[ly] and intellectual[ly], so taking smaller steps will help keep your energy reserve from burning out,” Serani said. Break down longer, more complicated tasks into bite-sized steps. This helps you “rest, refuel and re-attend [to your task].”

Have A Cushion

Therese Borchard, a mental health blogger and author of the book Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes, also struggles with cognitive symptoms from time to time. Whenever possible, she reduces her workload. “I’ve always prepared for days like that by working a little harder on the days I feel good, so I have a little cushion.”

Take Breaks

Because depression is so taxing on your brain and body, taking breaks can help. When she’s working, Borchard takes breaks every two hours, or “every hour if I’m really struggling.” Your breaks might include stretching your body or taking a walk around the block.

Be Kind To Yourself

“One of the most important things to do is remember not to be too hard on yourself if you still find you’re forgetful, have trouble focusing or making decisions,” Serani said. “Remember that you are experiencing a real illness.” Blaming yourself and losing patience only adds “to your already full plate.”

As Borchard noted in this piece on working from home with a mental illness, “When I was in the midst of my most severe depression, I couldn’t write at all. For almost a year…I try to remember that when I have a bad day where my brain feels like silly putty and I am not able to string two words together. I try to remember that courage isn’t doing a heroic thing, but getting up day after day and trying again.”

Both parents need to nurture children. Healthy parenting helps the grown child be his or her own best mother and father. A child must not only feel loved, but also that he or she is understood and valued by both parents as a separate, unique individual and that both parents want a relationship with him or her. Although we have many needs, I’m focusing on nurturing emotional needs.

Emotional Needs

In addition to physical nourishment, including gentle touch, care, and food, emotional nurturing consists of meeting a child’s emotional needs. These include:

• Love
• Play
• Respect
• Encouragement
• Understanding
• Acceptance
• Empathy
• Comfort
• Reliability
• Guidance
• The importance of empathy

A child’s thoughts and feelings need to be taken seriously and listened to with respect and understanding. One way of communicating this is by mirroring or reflecting back what he or she is saying. “You’re angry that it’s time to stop playing now.” Instead of judgment (“you shouldn’t be jealous of Cindy’s new friend”), a child needs acceptance and empathic understanding, such as: “I know you’re hurt and feel left out by Cindy and her friend.”

Empathy is deeper than intellectual understanding. It’s identification at an emotional level with what the child feels and needs. Of course, it’s equally important that a parent appropriately meets those needs, including giving comfort in moments of distress.

Accurate empathy is important for children to feel understood and accepted. Otherwise, they may feel alone, abandoned, and not loved for who they are, but only for what their parents want to see. Many parents unwittingly harm their children by denying, ignoring, or shaming their child’s needs, actions, and expressions of thoughts or feelings. Simply saying, “How could you do that?” may be felt as shaming or humiliating. Responding to a child’s tears with laughter, or “That’s nothing to cry about,” or “You shouldn’t be (or ‘Don’t be’) sad,” are forms of denying and shaming a child’s natural feelings.

Even parents who have sympathetic intentions may be preoccupied or misunderstand and misattuned to their child. With enough repetitions, a child learns to deny and dishonor natural feelings and needs and to believe that he or she is unloved or inadequate.

Good parents are also reliable and protective. They keep promises and commitments, provide nourishing food and medical and dental care. They protect their child from anyone who threatens or harms him or her.

Tips for Self-Love & Self-Nurturing

Once grown, you still have these emotional needs. Self-love means meeting them. If fact, it’s each person’s responsibility to be his or her own parent and meet these emotional needs, irrespective of whether you’re in a relationship. Of course, there are times you need support, touch, understanding, and encouragement from others. However, the more you practice self-nurturing, the better your relationships will be.

All of the things a good mother does, you have the superior capacity to do, for who knows your deepest feelings and needs better than you?

Here are some steps you can take:

• When you have uncomfortable feelings, put your hand on your chest, and say aloud, “You’re (or I’m) ____.” (e.g., angry, sad, afraid, lonely). This accepts and honors your feelings.
• If you have difficulty identifying your feelings, pay attention to your inner dialogue. Notice your thoughts. Do they express worry, judgment, despair, resentment, envy, hurt, or wishing? Notice your moods. Are you irritable, anxious, or blue? Try to name your specific feelings. (“Upset” isn’t a specific feeling.) Do this several times a day to increase your feeling recognition. You can find lists of hundreds of feelings online.
• Think or write about the cause or trigger for your feeling and what you need that will make you feel better. Meeting needs is good parenting.
• If you’re angry or anxious, practice yoga or martial arts, meditation, or simple breathing exercises. Slowing your breath slows your brain and calms your nervous system. Exhale 10 times making a hissing (“sss”) sound with your tongue behind your teeth. Doing something active is also ideal for releasing anger.
• Practice giving yourself comfort: Write a supportive letter to yourself, expressing what an ideal parent would say. Have a warm drink. Studies show this actually elevates your mood. Swaddle your body in a blanket or sheet like a baby. This is soothing and comforting to your body.
• Do something pleasurable, e.g., read or watch comedy, look at beauty, walk in nature, sing or dance, create something, or stroke your skin. Pleasure releases chemicals in the brain that counterbalance pain, stress, and negative emotions. Discover what pleasures you. (To read more about the neuroscience of pleasure, read my article, “The Healing Power of Pleasure”.)
• Adults also need to play. This means doing something purposeless that fully engages you and is enjoyable for its own sake. The more active the better, i.e., play with your dog vs. walking him, sing or collect seashells vs. watching television. Play brings you into the pleasure of the moment. Doing something creative is a great way to play, but be cautious not to judge yourself. Remember the goal is enjoyment – not the finished product.
• Practice complimenting and encouraging yourself – especially when you don’t think you’re doing enough. Notice this self-judgment for what it is, and be a positive coach. Remind yourself of what you have done and allow yourself time to rest and rejuvenate.
• Forgive yourself. Good parents don’t punish children for mistakes or constantly remind them, and they don’t punish willful wrongs repeatedly. Instead, learn from mistakes and make amends when necessary.
• Keep commitments to yourself as you would anyone else. When you don’t, you’re in effect abandoning yourself. How would you feel if your parent repeatedly broke promises to you? Love yourself by demonstrating that you’re important enough to keep commitments to yourself.

A Word of Caution

Beware of self-judgment. Remember that feelings aren’t rational. Whatever you feel is okay and it’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do. What is important is acceptance of your feelings and the positive actions you take to nurture yourself. Many people think, “I shouldn’t be angry (sad, afraid, depressed, etc.). This may reflect judgment they received as a child. Often it’s this unconscious self-judgment that is the cause of irritability and depression. Learn how to combat self-criticism in my ebook, “10 Steps to Self-Esteem,” available in online bookstores.

“I’m still surprised at the number of people who come to therapy to learn how to get someone else to change,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the popular blog “In Therapy.” “They want to know how to get their boss to talk to them differently, or want their wife to appreciate them more, or want their friends to be more considerate.”

Of course the only person you can change is yourself. That includes changing your beliefs, behaviors, reactions and patterns. As therapist Joyce Marter, LCPC, said, “In therapy, change may mean letting go of dysfunctional relationship patterns, irrational beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviors and then replacing them with a more positive, conscious and proactive mode of operation that leads to greater happiness, wellness and success.”

Why is Change so Hard?

According to clinical psychologist Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, change is difficult because most people don’t know how to change, or we’re just not ready. She believes there are six stages of change, which are part of the “transtheoretical model of change.” This model demonstrates that change isn’t linear but a spiral. She said:

Most people spiral up and down the six stages of change several times before they actually make change that lasts. That’s just part of the nature of change.

As I always say, “As long as you’re in the spiral, you’re making progress. It doesn’t matter whether you’re spiraling up or down, what counts is that you keep on working.” Teaching this to my clients helps them see they’re actually doing better than they think.

(Hibbert explains the model in this post.)

Sometimes change isn’t really what you want. Howes gave an example of a husband who thought he wanted his wife to change.

I’ve worked with couples who claimed to want changes from their partner, but when change happens they want the old familiar dynamic back. A husband wants his wife to be more social, for example, but when she branches out he feels jealous and wants the homebody back. I encourage couples to be clear about the change they ask for, and prepared for that change to occur.

We also gravitate toward the familiar, and fear the unfamiliar, said Marter, owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance. “Change can be scary because people fear the unknown, perceived loss of relationships or the risk of failure.”

Howes quoted the common saying: “The devil we know is better than the devil we don’t.”

Some people hyperfocus on external changes. “I’d say that so many of us struggle with external change because we secretly hope we can bypass the true work which is changing how we feel inside,” said Jeffrey Sumber, M.A., a psychotherapist, author and teacher. Put another way, “when we place too much concern in things looking different then we tend to overlook the deeper need to shift our internal climate.”

Change is tough because it also takes time. According to Serani, “It takes time to discover patterns that create undesirable thoughts and behaviors. It also takes time to understand what issues get in the way of achieving your goals once you know what you need to change.”

Naturally, resisting change is normal, Marter said. “Breaking through defense mechanisms and developing the tools to think and operate differently is a process with ups and downs.”

While change is difficult, it’s to be expected. “I think we need to recognize the inevitability of change. We are all changing in some way or another, every day,” said clinical psychologist John Duffy, Ph.D, author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.

How Therapists Facilitate Change

“I try to teach clients to be like a super-sleuthing detective. I want them not to just crave change, but to be immensely curious about it,” Serani said. In fact, she believes that “enthusiastic curiosity” helps us develop insight and replace old behaviors with new ones much faster.

Healthy change, she said, happens when we ask key questions, such as “Why isn’t this new technique working? What’s getting in the way? How can we make it work better?”

Hibbert, an expert in postpartum mental health, helps her clients learn how to change. “My job as a psychologist is to provide the ‘how’ so the client can get to work. I’ve seen many people make amazing changes, so I know it’s possible. You just have to believe it’s possible for you.”

Howes helps clients gain a clearer understanding of the trade-offs of change.

As pessimistic as it might sound, I try to help people know that change means trading in one set of problems for another. Sure, there may be some clear benefits to change, but there is always a different set of hardships to endure.

Just ask the people who win the lottery. Financial problems are solved, but a host of new problems emerge. If they’re informed and prepared for their new set of problems, change may be welcomed instead of dreaded.

Change is an inside job. Marter quoted Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, who said: “If we get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” She explained:

Many people think if they have the perfect job, house, relationship, or body, they will finally be happy. Through therapy, I help clients make internal changes – such as detachment from ego, focus on essence, silencing the inner critic, practicing positive thinking and gratitude – that lead to positive change in life.

Marter teaches her clients to recognize that it’s “inner forces” that determine their lives, not external ones. This way “they feel empowerment to enact positive change in their lives, both personally and professionally.”

Plus, she teaches them to practice assertive communication, which includes “asking for what they need, setting healthy limits and boundaries and saying no to old patterns that are no longer serving them.”

Sumber also helps his clients transfer the focus from external change to internal transformation.

I work with clients to release their expectation of external manifestations and allow for a shift in their conscious awareness of who they are and why they are doing what they are doing. Most clients are surprised in the end to find that things have indeed shifted externally as a result.

Duffy helps clients foster self-awareness, which he views as a requisite “for satisfactory, proactive change. Otherwise, we are simply reacting to life, and often feel we are victim to it.”

Real change requires work and effort. As Serani said, “toxic tendencies or undesirable thoughts don’t happen overnight. They are created and cultivated over time. And the same goes for change. It doesn’t happen overnight either.”

Positive change is a process that ebbs and flows. But it’s worth it. Change is “an essential part of healing and development,” Marter said.

“With 6 kids, ages 16 to 5, a husband and home to care for, a private practice, and my many ‘side jobs,’ including running a non-profit, speaking, writing for my website, blog, and other people, doing some legal consultation, and writing a book, I like to say my life is ‘full,’” said Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and expert in postpartum mental health. She’s also active in her church and has commitments on Sundays and Wednesday evenings every week.

Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist and owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance, also has a lot on her plate. “I am a wife, a mother, a psychotherapist and owner of a group practice with nearly 50 therapists and five locations, a writer with a book in development, a public speaker, the Vice President of the Board of the Illinois Mental Health Counselors Association, and frequently serve as a psychological expert in the media.”

That’s enough to make anyone’s head spin. In addition, Marter takes her kids to and from school, eats dinner with her family, has an active social life, vacations for at least six weeks every year and gets eight hours of sleep per night.

So what’s their secret? Below, Marter, Hibbert and other therapists spill the details on living a fulfilling life and getting things done.

1. They know their priorities.

Hibbert knows what matters most to her, and she focuses on those things first and foremost. “[This] allows me to prioritize my time and helps me know when to pull back from other things. If any of my top priorities are out of shape, I push off the others until things are in order again.”

Her top priorities are: “My relationship with God, my relationship with my husband, and my role as a mother and relationship with my kids.” Her work comes next. But this also has to match her mission: “to learn all I can and teach what I learn.”

Marter takes a similar approach. She starts off with a vision for her personal and professional lives. (For instance, you can create a vision board, she said.) “Then we need to align our priorities and intentions to support that vision. We need to focus our energy on the things that provide meaning, value and life energy and let go of the things that don’t.” She then sets clear goals and firm boundaries around her time, such as her work hours.

2. They have a formula for their days.

“It has taken me many years and several iterations to find a formula that worked for me,” said John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.

He sees clients either three or four days a week from late morning into the evening to accommodate his clients, many of whom are teens. “I work fairly long hours those days, but I enjoy the work.” The other days he works on his next book or with the media. For instance, he’s been on the Steve Harvey Show multiple times.

3. They protect family time.

Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, Ph.D, wakes up early to make breakfast for his sons and drop them off at school. He comes home around 6 p.m. to have dinner with his family and eventually put his boys to bed.

“After the boys’ bedtime I enjoy the evening with my wife, which includes checking in with each other, talking about our future plans, and watching some reality TV cooking shows.”

Duffy also “[protect[s] nights and weekends for my wife, son and friends.”

4. They delegate.

When Hibbert needs more time to accomplish projects after school, she asks her older kids to watch the younger ones. She asks her husband to help with grocery shopping and dinner several nights a week. She also has a housekeeper come once a week. “[This] is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself!”

Marter outsources anything that doesn’t “provide personal meaning or value to me. In my business, I delegate the responsibilities that are not my strengths or passion.” At home, she outsources house cleaning and grocery shopping. This way she has time for what’s most important, such as hosting her kids’ play dates.

5. They have pets.

Having a dog actually makes my life more productive,” said Jeffrey Sumber, M.A., a psychotherapist, author and teacher. “I’m responsible to make sure he is well fed, walked and properly taken care of but this also helps punctuate activities in my day and organize tasks around set breaks in my process.”

6. They use activities to ground them.

Sumber uses the walks with his dog to map out his days and intentions.

It is often during my morning walk with Tashi that I run through my day in my mind, determining priorities and goals and create a visual for how the day will ideally play out. This walking meditation is functional as well as intentional and sets me off on a conscious trajectory into my day.

He also finds focus while making his morning coffee.

I also enjoy the process of my morning coffee. I grind the beans, pull the espresso shots and mix the Americano to my personal perfection. This takes me 10 minutes every morning and I might as well be repairing the space station tethered in deep space…I am very focused.

As I sip the coffee, I ease into my morning by sifting through emails (mostly deleting) and then send personal birthday messages to Facebook friends. I typically take time to prepare meals for the day and then set off to work.

Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression, uses her senses to switch gears and get things done.

My typical day has me in the role of clinician, homemaker, professor, writer and woman. I know the metaphor of wearing “different hats” gets tossed around in shifting roles, but for me, it’s more of what’s in my hands that helps me get things done.

It’s as if my sense of touch transforms me into who I next need to be. My appointment book helps me shift into clinician mode. As soon as I touch it, I can feel myself move into a professional posture.

I have a home office, so in between patients, when I walk back into my home and I touch the doorknob, I’m into homemaker mode – cooking, doing laundry or tidying up the place.

When I pick up my lecture notebook, I’m into professor mode and readily head off to the local university to teach. And if I’m sitting at the keyboard, I easily shift into writer mode.

When I return home and settle into comfy clothes, I become just a woman again -connecting with my family and myself. I’ve always been a very sense-oriented person, and have found using touch as both a cue for change and a grounding way to cement my identity.

7. They stay fully present.

Howes focuses on being present in all his activities:

Freud said “love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.” I agree with that and try to make the most of both. I do my best to be fully present when I’m wearing either hat. I want to engage with my family, regardless of what is happening at work, and be fully present with my clients, regardless of what is going on at home. On my best days, I’m able to do both.

8. They practice self-care.

Marter always makes time for self-care, which helps her be more productive in other areas of her life.

I prioritize self-care (like rest, meditation, exercise and fun) so that I have the energy to manage all my responsibilities. I practice gratitude and positive thinking to facilitate the energy and confidence I need to achieve my dreams. I tap into my support network (friends, family, therapist, coach, colleagues, mentor, etc.) for feedback, wisdom and support in helping make my life vision a reality.

Hibbert practices her self-care routine first thing in the morning.

On a day-to-day basis, one of the best things I do is wake up before my kids so I can enjoy an hour just for me. I exercise, meditate, and study scriptures to start my day right. When I miss this time, life just doesn’t seem to run as smoothly.

The morning also designates self-care for Duffy. “I work out, meditate when I can, and get to the office early. I eat breakfast there, page through the paper, and clear my mind for a while before the chaos begins!”

Hibbert prioritizes sleep, which is crucial to her productivity and well-being.

For me, the other big key to getting anything done is sleep. If I’m not sleeping well (and I’m not a great sleeper in general), I can’t function well. I get grumpy and overwhelmed too easily. So, I focus on getting to bed as early as I can so I can get up early, and I try to “sleep in” on weekends, when I am given the chance.

When he has the time, Howes strums his guitar, plays hoops, or works on “creating the world’s next great pasta sauce.”

9. They pay attention to their energy levels.

Sometimes Marter lets her energy guide the projects she works on. “When I occasionally experience an ebb of energy, I let myself rest or do the tasks that are easy for me. When my energy is high, I make a concerted effort to carve out time to tackle tasks that are high priority but low urgency like writing my book.”

All of these clinicians lead fulfilling professional and personal lives. They know their priorities and do their best to protect them. They manage their time effectively, know when to delegate and make sure to be completely present at every point.

A few months ago, he was under scrutiny for standing up to the Rockets’ lawyers and officials. He requested that his anxiety issues be treated the way other players’ physical illnesses and injuries are treated. For instance, NBA players are expected to fly frequently to cities where their games are played. White’s anxiety disorders makes it so that sometimes he is unable to do so. He requested to be able to travel by bus, and if he is delayed he doesn’t want to be fined the same amount as players who miss practice because they overslept.

Both parties struggled to reach a resolution, but after many discussions and meetings, the Rockets and White were able to reach a compromise in some areas. He was reassigned to the Houston Rockets’ D-league team, the Rio Grande Valley Vipers.

White’s story is of interest to many who are afflicted by mental illness. He is not in denial of his challenges, but he is not being quiet about it either. He has taken on the cause to help decrease the stigma society continues to place on mental health issues.

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America reports that there are “40 million American adults who suffer from anxiety disorders and only one-third of those suffering from an anxiety disorder receive treatment.” Anxiety itself has found its way into everyday language by many who experience stress. Yet, there are still many people who have no idea that anxiety disorders can be paralyzing and should not be trivialized.

Many individuals are embarrassed about their illness because they fear discrimination or that it’ll be a stumbling block in their careers or jobs. White has taken the risk and has decided that his basketball career is important, but becoming a “poster child” to decrease the stigma is more significant.

If you personally are struggling with mental illness or have a loved one who is, how are you handling it?

• Acknowledge it.

  Mental illness does not discriminate against race, gender, age, religion, or economic status. However, many sufferers may be in denial because they believe that asking for help, taking medication, or seeking therapy is a sign of weakness and irresponsibility. They don’t want to admit they have a problem and will only accept help when their normal functioning has deteriorated significantly, and they can no longer afford to suffer alone.People in prominent positions may be embarrassed to admit they have a mental illness. I’m not necessarily talking about movie stars or other celebrities. I am referring to individuals who have been able to succeed in life despite their mental adversities. They need to speak up to help normalize the disrespect many still receive due to their mental ailments.

• Speak up.

  When people share their struggles, others will become aware and even be surprised that their friend, boss, best friend’s daughter or spouse also is experiencing emotional and mental pain. Successful men and women with a mental illness can be an example to society and can contribute to the idea that a mental disorder does not define the person. The media seem to highlight the negative situations and many sufferers feel embarrassed and despondent. Thus, they choose to continue their silence.

• Connect with others.

  A dear friend has found that when he shares the challenge of having a son with mental health struggles, others connect emotionally with him. They trust him and are able to share their own journey with him. Your story of having been there may make a difference to someone who is feeling hopeless.

Society needs to understand that a person can be “normal” and still have mental health challenges.

Royce White is a hero. We need more heroes to stand up and speak up for mental health. Depression and ADHD are becoming more accepted as those in the limelight continue to talk about their experiences. Even people not in the public eye can tell our stories and help someone.

Will you be a hero for someone else? Take a stand. It will be worth it!

Time management skills are like shoes or a good pair of jeans — you may have to try several pair before you find just the right fit. They’re different for each person and you have to find what works best for you. Below are a few that work for me which you may want to borrow.

1. Make a list.The thing about making lists is that you actually have to use them. You may want to set reminders on your phone and computer.Lists really do work if you use them. One of the most important things is to make sure your list feels attainable. No one wants a 30-item to-do list and have to, at the end of the day, look at the 20 items that didn’t get done. Prioritize yours and others’ needs and plan accordingly. You might even want to make three lists — personal, home and work.
2. Set deadlines. Again, there is no point in setting deadlines if you make executive decisions to always push them back. Set a deadline and try your best to stick to it. Set your deadline a few days before the task absolutely has to be done. This allows for the possibility that other things will get in the way, but also allow for you still to get the task done.
3. Stop multi-tasking. Multitaskers often seem to think they get more accomplished, but it’s not always the most productive or efficient route. Let’s face it, our minds work better when we are truly able to focus and concentrate on one thing.
4. Delegate responsibilities. For those of us who like to be in control the very thought of this is likely to provoke a bit of anxiety. The truth of the matter is that no matter how good we are, we can’t do everything. Sometimes we take on more than we can handle. Delegation is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of intelligence. Find competent, reliable people and share some of the responsibilities. It will allow you to be less stressed and more productive.
5. Use your downtime. This tip requires some balance. Using all of your downtime for planning and prioritizing is bad and can lead to increased stress and burnout. However, if you find yourself sitting in early morning traffic, this may be a good time to start prioritizing your day or making plans for dinner. If you’re waiting in the doctor’s office, this may be a good time to write the grocery list. (Just don’t forget it.) If you have opportunities like these make the best of them, but also remember to use them for relaxation as needed.
6. Reward yourself.When you accomplish something, celebrate it! How you celebrate is up to you. My word of advice is to keep whatever you choose to do healthy, make sure it’s something you really enjoy, don’t do it in excess, and don’t let it cause you to get further behind.Time management skills are an essential part of making your day just a little easier. Find what works for you and stick to it.

Answer: “Only one, but it has to want to change.”

Of course, changing ourselves is usually a lot harder than changing a light bulb. As a mental health professional, I have come across many different self-help books that were supposed to be life-altering. Clients and colleagues alike have often come to me saying, “you have to read this,” or “this book changed my life.”

Much of the time, however, the books they talk up offer a few helpful pieces of advice or interesting bits of personal philosophies, but not much more. I have rarely read one that I truly felt could bring real, meaningful change into a person’s life. But despite my wariness of the self-help genre, I found John C. Norcross’s Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions to be one such book.

One of the differences between this and other self-help texts is that it not merely based on theory or some feel-good ideology. Norcross, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology and psychiatry, based Changeology on years of research that looked at what makes people change their behavior, as well as his own clinical experience. As a practitioner myself, I can actually get behind his findings.

The research, he tells us, shows that there are five distinct stages of change: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. But as the author notes, most people are not overly concerned about which stage they might be in. Rather, he states, “people dedicated to change want to know what to do.” Norcross therefore uses these stages of change to determine the five steps a person should take to reach their goal. For each stage, he identifies corresponding types of actions.

The book gives encouragement to the reader, telling us that change is possible by reminding us that the author’s formula is based on more than 30 years of studies including thousands of individuals. It weaves in true-life stories, with examples of how others have used this five-step process to create their own changes. One feature I found helpful is the “Check Yourself” boxes that are interspersed within chapters. These mini-assessments help the reader determine their understanding of each topic and assist with measuring progress toward a goal.

While the first part of the book focuses on the science behind Changeology, it is the second part, “Becoming a Changeologist in 90 Days,” that contains the meat of the text. Here, Norcross explains the specific actions he recommends in order to enact change.

The author uses some examples of common ambitions, such as losing weight, to illustrate his process. Some readers might think, “I want to improve my life, but I am who I am.” But, Norcross show us, changes in our behavior are possible, if not inevitable. Who hasn’t looked back a few years and thought to him- or herself, “I can’t believe I actually did that?”

Norcross makes a point of addressing the questions and doubts that might arise during his process, and provides satisfying answers to those naysayers who think that change might not be possible. He also does an excellent job explaining each part of his technique. Every step is broken down so that the reader understands not only exactly what they need to do, but also the reason behind doing it. Norcross avoids psychological jargon, making the book easy to read. By the end, a reader can develop a well-defined goal, take deliberate action towards this goal, and also have a plan in place so that whatever change they have made will be long-lasting.

For those looking to make significant changes in their lives, Changeology provides a terrific outline. Of course, no self-help book, not even a good one, can be a substitute for professional therapy, and certain types of change may require more help (the author does provide resources for this in an appendix).

In addition, the book skips over the precontemplation stage of change, in which a person has no desire to alter a behavior. Norcross means instead to address those who already know they want to take action (quit cigarettes, for example) but may have difficulty doing so. So if you’re looking to convince a friend or family member that they need to change, but they don’t think they do, this isn’t the book for you.

However, for most of the kinds of change that people are already trying to make, Changeology will prove to be a wonderful source of assistance. It has an easy-to-follow formula based on credible research — and even this wary mental health practitioner found it helpful.

Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions
Simon & Schuster, December, 2012
Hardcover, 272 pages
$25.00

If so, were you surprised because you hadn’t even noticed what you were feeling lately? Career, home, and other activities can get overwhelming. When it’s time to take something off your plate, how do you handle it?

• Recognize your body signals. The time comes when our stressed-out brain can’t take it anymore and our body begins to suffer the consequences. Our neck and back begin to ache. Our sleeping becomes disturbed and our appetite changes. We often get sick and begin to experience pains we didn’t know were possible.

  Are you able to recognize your body signals when your plate is getting stacked up too high?

• Notice your feelings. Are you irritable all the time? Sad, frustrated, angry, overly sensitive and lacking in confidence? Take a look at your feelings and notice if the “present” you is the “normal” you. If the answer is no, it’s time to make adjustments.
• What are your thoughts saying? Individuals with perfectionism tend to have overcrowded plates. Their thinking often includes a set of negative beliefs. These beliefs can distort the way they look at themselves and others. They may think, “If I don’t say yes, they’ll probably think I don’t care about them, or they’ll hate me.” This is an all-or-nothing type of thinking.

  Is your vocabulary full of should and ought-to statements? You may jump to conclusions when you think others are judging you because you are not doing enough or fulfilling others’ expectations.

  Have you noticed your thinking patterns? Before changing your negative thoughts, you need to become aware of them.

• Give something up. As difficult as this may be, at one time or another we may need to reconsider what we keep on our plate. I had an acquaintance who often would complain about her plate being too full. I asked her if there was something she could do without. She’d proceed to enumerate all that occupied her and say they were all important for one reason or another. She was not willing to take anything off, but was willing to be a victim of her own choosing. Sadly, she made those around her miserable because she didn’t want to make adjustments. The truth is, we have a choice!
• Worries. Once there was a psychologist who taught a valuable lesson regarding stress management to her audience. She raised a glass of water that was half full. Everyone expected to hear the lesson about the “half empty or half full” glass metaphor. To their surprise, the lesson had nothing to do with that. Her object lesson was about holding the glass up and its effect on the person’s arm. The longer it was held, the heavier it became.

  She then compared holding that glass with the stresses we endure. She reminded her audience that the longer they hold onto their worries the more burdensome they become. Holding them for a very long period of time can paralyze us.

• Say no. How did you respond the last time a friend asked you for a favor and you couldn’t say no? Were you concerned about your relationship? What if it’s your boss, professor, employee, or neighbor asking? Is the answer always yes?

  You really can choose what you take on. Sometimes individuals believe they can do it all if they’d just organize themselves better. I know some people who are great at keeping and completing their to-do list. They are efficient organizers, yet they exhaust themselves finishing that list. Unfortunately, their fear — offending someone — ends up happening because they overextend themselves.

  Assertiveness training may be in order if you have a difficult time saying no. Work on your need to please everyone. Remember it’s impossible to please everyone, and you end up losing when you try.

• Prioritize. Your values and standards come into play here. At the end of the day, what is it that you care about the most? There may be days when you are overscheduled. What will you choose? Someone once said, you are what you do the most. Decide what’s important, count your losses and move on.
• Find a balance. Nutritionists tell us we need certain amounts of protein, carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables each day. What are you putting on your life plate? Orison Swett Marden once said, “Work, love, and play are the great balance wheels of man’s being.” Are you including play and love activities?
• Love thyself. Before we can attend to others, we first need to strengthen ourselves and take care of our emotional, physical and mental well-being. Taking 30 to 60 minutes each day to keep ourselves spiritually, emotionally, and physically fit is not unreasonable. In the long run, taking care of ourselves will make us stronger so we can be there for our loved ones.
• Enjoy yourself. It’s time to make that stacked-up plate lighter and go play with your children, friends, and loved ones. When worrisome thoughts come in, put them on pause until later. Taking a break is healthy and in the long run will help you maintain the balance you need in life. You know yourself — so do what brings you true joy. Only keep on your plate what “really” needs to be there!

Two important principles the authors share are that “there is no such thing as an inner enemy” and that “behind every behavior is a positive intention.” They explain that NLP is drawn from the works of Virginia Satir in the field of family therapy, Milton Erickson in the field of hypnotherapy, and Fritz Perls in Gestalt therapy.

The authors begin by looking at just how we use our brain to think and believe, and they begin teaching ways to positively change and build on those thought patterns and beliefs. Like a workbook of sorts, the guide contains “Discovery Activities” intended to help the us examine how we think and function. The authors instruct the reader in three separate ways to employ visualization: from within one’s own view, from the view of another person, and a third-person visualization as if from a camera.

The book also teaches about communication skills, including how to improve communication by looking at different modalities (the five senses) and sub-modalities (a quality of a given sensory perception, such as brightness in the visual sense). Overall, it teaches us to upgrade our concept of self.

One issue that may arise for a lay reader, or anyone not familiar with NLP, is the lingo. There is a lot of jargon, including swishing, chunking, zooming in and out, accessing cues, paralanguage, filters, mode of operation, modalities and sub-modalities, amplification, and meta programs. Still, although the number of terms might be overwhelming, the authors do an excellent job of writing accessibly. We are given the language, but in a very pragmatic and understandable way, and a reader can find the book quite useful without having to memorize the terms it uses. A glossary at the end proves helpful as a reference.

The book follows the principles of NLP by “chunking” or breaking down behaviors into small, achievable goals. It emphasizes our ability to reframe situations that can cause distress — such as public speaking — by changing self talk. We can change our world, and what gives us stress, by changing how we think about it, the authors write. We can think about the voice within ourselves, and whose it really is. We can even learn a form of eye movement integration that helps relieve the stress and trauma of painful memories.

To me, this way of thinking has an almost martial-arts feel to it — that mind and thought lead to intentions, which energize the actions we take. I have already begun to use the book’s teachings to help change my own behaviors. Hoobyar, one of the coauthors and a late Silicon-Valley CEO who “lived by” the code of NLP, says that we can “acquire good form from the beginning and successfully reprogram poor form created by habitual errors.” This can apply to any behavior change, but I am using it to improve my form in swimming.

Hoobyar also emphasizes creativity and making choices. He says that those with the most flexibility have the most influence within a system, and that we are all interconnected in systems. He writes that “the most important thing I can do is approach another person with a sense of curiosity, expectation, optimism, and interest. Everyone is unique and knows something special.”

That is a good way to approach this book. Mindfully going through the exercises has helped me make self-improvements, and has helped me realize that we gain power by analyzing our behaviors.

NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming
William Morrow Paperbacks, February, 2013
Paperback, 480 pages
$16.99

Valdes-Perez is an entrepreneur with a background in business. He also holds a Ph.D. in computer science. “Advice is for Winners” is his attempt to impart wisdom on the act of advice seeking. He explains the typical reasons for avoiding the process of seeking advice, the history of advice and self-help books, and proven methods for getting opinions from others. He uses scientific research, personal experience, and the experiences of others to illustrate his points and support his theories. Some aspects of his endeavor are successful, while others have little use.

The first third of the book focuses on the purpose of seeking advice. The author takes ample time deconstructing each of 28 reasons why people tend to not seek advice, which reasons, he says, fall into four main categories: intellectual, social, emotional, and biological. Those who don’t tend to, Valdes-Perez writes, may, for instance, be unsure how to go about it (an intellectual reason), believe that doing so would show weakness (an emotional reason), or not want to take up other people’s time (a social reason).

After analyzing each of the reasons given in detail, the next three chapters focus on wisdom from advice books, scientific research, and proverbs. Valdes-Perez states that these chapters are to “review” previous studies of advice seeking. However, they seemed little more than filler. Had they come toward the end of the book, this wouldn’t have been such an issue. But because of their placement toward the beginning, the real “meat” of the book does not begin until 80 pages in.

After this section, Valdes-Perez does provide a clear map of advice-seeking strategies. He outlines methods for determining if a decision requires advice seeking, and, if so, how to pick an appropriate advisor. He also provides a 22-question, true-false survey to determine if a scenario requires outside help. The true-false statements include:

• There is enough time to get advice before I take action.
• It matters a lot if I do the wrong thing.
• Other people before me have often faced a similar problem.

Using the true-false statements, a reader can judge whether or not the decision they are facing warrants asking someone for input. This section is probably one of the best aspects of this book.  It is clear, concise, and quick to use. It also can keep an overzealous person from seeking advice on every situation that presents itself. Valdes-Perez supplies a table that assists the reader in matching the advisor’s qualities with the needs of the advisee. The table allows for rules to be made in the form of “If you need A, seek someone who’s B.”

Valdes-Perez provides another outline for readers to use in order to prepare for speaking with their advisor. It is a step-by-step approach; however, the author does point out that this is simplified and is not for every scenario.

The last third of the book addresses various aspects that can influence advice seeking. For instance, Valdes-Perez spends a chapter discussing the role of internet searches. He states:

“If the Web or social media can enable confident, convincing explanations, and you don’t need personalized legitimation or ongoing support from advisors, and if you don’t see this as an opportunity for constructive social engagement, or you are socially handicapped, then the Web and social media may be good enough for your needs and no personalized advice is needed.”

He goes on to share that if this is not the case, the Web is better utilized as a complement to seeking input from a person.

Valdes-Perez makes an excellent point about “closing the loop”: that the advisee should make the effort to let the advisor know how a scenario turned out. Was the advice taken? What decision was ultimately made? Especially in scenarios when the advisor points the advisee to a third party, it is important to reach out to the original advisor, he tells us. If the encounter did not go well, the introducer’s reputation could be at risk and following up with them can clarify any misunderstandings or misconceptions that took place.

Overall, this is a satisfactory text on seeking out advice. There are some great points and insights. However, in addition to the pointless filler chapters, which take away from the book, Valdes-Perez’s writing is more flowery than necessary. For instance, the last sentence of the first chapter reads: “Having arrived at our destination, we’ll notice new productive and fulfilling paths to follow that would have stayed unseen if we had jetted to the destination, unaware of the rich terrain below, instead of hiking and taking it all in.”

I understand the desire to create an image to be carried throughout the book (he kept up with the journey and destination analogy), but is it really necessary to be so descriptive? This is a self-help book, not a travel guidebook to draw the reader’s imagination to the picturesque landscape.

Still, I would recommend this book to those who are struggling with seeking advice. (Some free advice right there!) Valdes-Perez lays out tips very clearly — and he provides the pep talk that some may need to take the first step.

Advice is for Winners: How to Get Advice for Better Decisions in Life and Work
Ganador Press, October, 2012
Paperback, 182 Pages
$12.99

I began thinking about this phrase and questioning just exactly how the tough get going. The reality is that we all face times when the going gets tough. Whether they are related to work, home, finances, relationships, or friendships, we all experience tough times.

So when the times get tough, don’t get discouraged and don’t feel defeated. Hold your head up, stick your chest out and find your inner strength to forge forward. Here are some ways to help you (“the tough”) get going. You may be stronger than you think you are.

• Remember it’s only temporary. “Temporary” is a funny word. We often hear it or see it and immediately think that it means short-term. However, that’s not necessarily true. What it means is that it will come to an end. With that in mind, you can rest assured that this too shall pass. Whatever the situation is, there will be an ending. It may take a while and it may not always end as planned, but it will end. You just have to remain strong and allow this notion to enable you to get through.
• Surround yourself with positivity. You many have noticed that I didn’t simply say surround yourself with positive people, but positivity in general. We must surround ourselves with positive things. These positive things can include people, surroundings, readings, and any form of entertainment. It is important to remain in a positive space. When surrounded by negativity, we become negative people. Once we become negative people, we breed negative thoughts, and eventually our thoughts become our actions.
• Pay it forward. Sometimes the best way to forget about how tough things are for you is to realize others’ struggles and lend them a helping hand. Try helping someone else and see how much smaller your issues become – even if just for a little while.
• Practice gratitude. When we take the time to recognize and be thankful for the things that we have, we tend to think less of the things we lack.
• Don’t be afraid. One of the biggest barriers to facing a tough situation is the fear of the unknown. The truth is, most of the fears we have never actually come to exist. Let go of your fears. They serve no positive purpose. They create negative energy and prevent us from moving forward.

In addition to those tips here are just nine of my favorite quotes that serve as motivation to get me going when the going gets tough.

“Sometimes we stare so long at the door that is closing that we see to late the one that is open.” ~Alexander Graham Bell

“Inside of a ring or not, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.” ~Muhammad Ali

“It’s not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” ~ CharlesDarwin

“Life is like riding a bicycle. In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.” ~Albert Einstein

“The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.” ~Unknown

“He knows not his own strength until he has met adversity.” ~William Samuel Johnson

“Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.” ~Lou Holtz

“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” ~Duke Ellington

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller

It is my sincere hope that you find this article to be motivating and inspiring – that you will take at least one thing and let it be the one thing that helps you get going when the going gets tough.

This sparked a dialogue about how they gauge success. Marter’s knee-jerk reaction was to say that success excludes dicey circumstances such as driving under the influence or dropping out of school.

“Thankfully, I quickly regrouped from this position of fear-based and judgmental thinking and realized I do not truly believe any of those experiences or other life challenges mean somebody has failed or is not successful,” she said.

Hardships make us human and give us the opportunity to grow, she said. None of us is perfect or remains unscathed in life.

Marter’s guests offered myriad definitions, everything from education to prosperity to resiliency to health to happiness.

So what is success? What does being a success look like? Below, Marter and other clinicians spill their views on success.

According to Marter, also owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance, success is authenticity and mindfulness.

Success is to live life openly, authentically, and lovingly in a way that is aligned with the highest good of self and others.

Furthermore, when one is mindfully rooted in the present moment and engaged in relationships and work that promote a loving growth of human consciousness, one is joyous and prosperous. And so, this is my wish for myself, my children and for all humankind.

Christina G. Hibbert, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and postpartum mental health expert, summarized success in three words: faith, love and joy.

To be successful in my work means that I am able to touch others’ lives, to help them know they are not alone, and to impart some bit of joy or wisdom that will leave them better than before.

To be successful in my family means to love — to listen, to say I’m sorry when I’m wrong, to encourage, uplift, and to always strive to give the best of my time, talents, and heart.

To be successful as a human being means to continually examine myself, my motives, and my works; to connect spiritually, listen to what my Creator has in mind for me, and trust the process — to be open to learning and improving, and willing to share myself and serve gladly.

I guess overall, for me, success = faith, love, and joy (my three-word motto) — striving to do and be my personal best in work, family, and as a human being, forgiving myself when I’m not, picking myself back up, and diligently pressing forward again.

For Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression, success lies in the everyday, in the journey from setting a goal to realizing it.

For me, success is when I set a realistic goal, enjoy the journey as it unfolds and dwell in the momentary satisfaction when it all comes together. From cooking a new recipe, to learning a new yoga pose or taking a challenge that stretches my comfort zone, it’s the entire experience that offers me a sense of well-being. Success can be found in little things and big things. The key is to enjoy the ride once you set out on your material or existential destination.

Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the blog “In Therapy,” also prefers to focus on the flight, instead of the landing.

I try (really, really try!) to view life as a journey rather than a series of goals to be attained. I always feel less stressed and better able to focus on today when I’m in that mindset. With that framework, I try to view success as something to which I aspire rather than a goal with a finish line.

For me, success is achieving a healthy balance between the most important areas of my life. These include family and social relationships, occupational pursuits, hobbies, diet, exercise, rest, my spiritual life, and the continued pursuit of self-understanding.

I don’t think I’ve achieved this balance yet, as I only seem to maintain focus on one or two areas at a time. I may never find a way to keep all these plates spinning at once, but I will try for the rest of my life!

Jeffrey Sumber, M.A., a psychotherapist, author and teacher, described success as a triumph over trials and fear.

Success is overcoming challenges internal and external that at one time felt impossible or overbearing but with hard work and discipline I was able to rise above the fear or anxiety.

For most people success is a shifting concept, which transforms over time. It’s been for John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens. Today, his view includes being of service to others and being satisfied with his life.

My definition of success has shifted greatly over the years. I used to think I had to accomplish something that others deemed “great” in order to consider myself successful.

Today, I find success in happiness, kindness, and helpfulness. I find success in loving, connected, available relationships, in my family and elsewhere in my life, including my relationship with myself.

In order to feel fully successful, I feel I need to continue to find new ways to reach out to others and give of myself. Finally, I don’t think I could ever feel successful without a degree of happiness, contentment and humor.

Success has many faces. The definition just depends on who you ask. And that’s the magic of success: You get to figure out what it looks like for you.

Once I learned the initial basic stitches, I was hooked (pun intended). I spent hours in my dorm room crocheting scarves or just crocheting a single stitch over and over. I would go into a completely meditative state and even if there was music or a TV on in the background, I never really absorbed what I was hearing. Now, many years later, crochet is my go-to therapy. In moments of stress and anxiety, my fingers begin to itch for the feel of the hook in one hand and the yarn in the other.

Kathryn Vercillo has written a book that accurately describes that experience and the experience that many others go through when turning to crochet for comfort or relief. Crochet Saved My Life looks deep into the healing power of crochet, knitting, and other needlecraft work, both mentally and physically. Vercillo is a freelance writer, blogger, and crafter whose experience with depression and the relief she found in crochet inspired the book. In it, she describes how she summoned up the strength to drop the knife she once held at her wrist and replace it with a spool of yarn.

In addition to telling her own story, Vercillo tells the tales of many women and men who have found comfort, peace, and solace in the craft. Her book is separated into sections that address the affects of crocheting/knitting on various mental and physical conditions. In addition to the main chapters are the full stories of people she interviewed for the book, including their personal struggles and how crocheting or knitting came to be a part of their recovery or treatment. Her subjects have been through depression, anxiety, OCD, schizophrenia, multiple sclerosis, and Menière’s disease. In her discussion of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Vercillo refers to Monique Lang, LCSW. Lang’s quote sums up the chapter on PTSD: “When life has done something that treats you horribly, you need to go overboard in treating yourself well to make up for that while you are healing.”

The author’s introduction is poignant. “Crochet can serve as a form of meditation,” she writes. “It provides you with a focused task that distracts you from the drama that sometimes takes over the brain and tries to wreak havoc there. And it allows you to feel like you are producing and creating something even when you can’t get out of bed and you can barely open your eyes to notice the passing of one day into another.”

But Vercillo is careful to point out that crochet is not a cure-all, nor the only method to combat a mental or physical condition. When discussing the calming effects crochet may have on symptoms of schizophrenia, she points out that the evidence she has to support her claim is minimal and relies heavily on stories shared by interviewees. She reminds us many times that she is not a medical professional in any capacity. She is simply sharing an experience that she has had and that many others seem to have in common. Still, Vercillo does not just use anecdotes to support her claim: Her list of references is substantial and included at the end of the book, with sources ranging from journal articles to governmental documents.

The back of the book also provides a list of resources for crocheters. There are online communities, classes, and professional organizations, interesting websites that discuss crocheting/knitting in relation to various conditions, and recommended books.

My one complaint about the text is the sections describing the individual tales of the interviewees. Although these histories are important for filling in gaps and clarifying how crochet or knit played into these people’s lives, Vercillo shares so much of the details within the main chapters that the individual sections dedicated to them feel redundant. I grew tired of rereading these people’s stories when I had just read them only a few pages prior. At times, they seemed like page fillers rather than informative parts of the book.

Overall, though, Crochet Saved My Life is a worthwhile read. As an avid crafter and crocheter, I found the book at times enlightening, and could relate to much of it. Vercillo’s ability to weave statistics and reports into her narrative is also impressive. Her tone is friendly and sensitive while also being professional and direct—she does not sugar-coat or play down the intensity that can be found within each individual condition she addresses. Nor does she attempt to trump modern medicine or therapy with the value of needlework.

The author’s message, simple as it may be, is that the meditative power of crochet and knit could potentially bring a wealth of comfort and clarity to the suffering and the stressed. I, for one, could not agree more.

Crochet Saved My Life
CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, April, 2012
Paperback, 304 pages
$17.95

In Saving Each Other: A Mother-Daughter Love Story, Victoria Jackson and her daughter, Ali Guthy, tell the story of a child stricken with a deadly disease and a mother who fights best when the odds are the worst. Alternating mother/daughter commentary chronicles the fight against Ali’s rare diagnosis of the autoimmune disease NMO, or Neuromyelitis Optica. Due to their unusual status, the pair weaves a tale that is at once hopeful and utterly alien to most readers.

Victoria Jackson fought her way from a violent childhood to all the joy and promise that her life as a half-billion-dollar makeup maven allows — especially after she married Bill Guthy of Guthy-Renker infomercial fame. Bill, though not a co-author, is no less an interesting and positive player in this story. Early in the book, he has a rendezvous with cancer.

We are told that he lives solely within the borders of optimism that frame any tough situation — a trait learned from his family, who would apparently break out in songs from the Sound of Music during get-togethers. Then, Bill and Ali watch in awe as the Superwoman that is their wife and mother not only battles the deadly autoimmune disease that strikes the talented tennis-playing Ali, but also starts thinking about a foundation to bring research and better understanding to others struggling with the illness.

At first, Ali and her mother take two very different paths: While Ali doesn’t even want to know the name of her disease and certainly not the the prognosis as it first affects her vision at age 14, Victoria immerses herself in every detail. Her approach to success, she shows us, is in researching every aspect and every possible outcome to defeat any challenge that lies before her. She also speaks frequently of the “2% factor,” her concept that when the odds of something happening — good or bad — are incredibly low, they are likely to occur to her or those near her.

When she pulls herself out of an abusive past to create her Victoria Jackson makeup enterprise, it is a 2% factor example, she tells us. Her husband’s episode with cancer, another example. Next, when the structure is built for the Guthy-Jackson Charitable Foundation, Victoria meets the renowned physician Dr. Katja Van Herle of UCLA, who has recently launched the All Greater Good Foundation. The doctor welcomes the chance for her own organization, which supports education and outreach programs for underfunded public health issues, to partner with Victoria’s to conduct NMO research. Definitely filed under 2%.

Victoria and Ali’s challenge is daunting. Yet unless the reader is dealing with a potentially fatal disease and also has the kinds of monetary and social resources Jackson does, there are times when it is difficult to feel the real pathos of (or empathy toward) the family’s unquestionably frightening journey. One presumes that there had to have been some darker moments amid the positive “2%” ones. Perhaps had the authors included one or two in their book, they may have made it a little more accessible to Everyman.

However, the bright moments they cover do convey some universal lessons worth embracing. We read about Ali’s maturation from denial to advocacy — a change that is genuine and heartfelt. Her becoming the editor of a newsletter to help others better understand the daily challenges of the disease seals her growth into an empathic, involved young woman. Reading about a mother and daughter and caring dad working together under the most difficult of situations and emerging stronger and more united, when often it’s those very tough situations that tear families apart, is also especially gratifying. The “Resources” chapter that wraps up the book appears to be useful as well.

If you know going into it that this book is about not just an unusual disease but an exceptional family of great means, the story does not disappoint. It’s not often that hero-worshipping and the super powers of others play such a big part in real life, or life for the majority of us.

But while it may put some readers off, “Saving Each Other” is a reminder that worst-case scenarios don’t always result in worst-possible endings. Perhaps if people like Victoria Jackson create more foundations, we can bring better results to people suffering from the many misunderstood and under-researched medical issues afflicting those of limited resource. That may be one lesson. If nothing else, the book most certainly carries hope from the first page to the last. It just may not reflect the reader’s reality.

Saving Each Other: A Mother-Daughter Love Story
Vanguard Press, October, 2012
Hardcover, 288 pages
$25.99

This month we’re pleased to present an interview with clinical social worker Carla Naumburg, Ph.D. Naumburg authors the informative, inspiring and super-popular blog Mindful Parenting on Psych Central. She’s also a contributing editor for Kveller.com and mom of two young girls.

Below, Naumburg reveals the trials, triumphs and surprises of being a therapist; the books that have inspired her; the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy; her advice for leading a meaningful life; and much more!

Follow Naumburg on Twitter at @SWMama. Check out her writing at carlanaumburg.com.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

Early in my training, I thought that being a therapist was about having the right tools and the right words to say that would make someone feel better. What I learned is that being a good therapist is about being able to stay truly present and accepting of someone else’s pain or fear, and that staying connected in hard moments is healing. Therapists don’t ever “fix” anyone, but if we’re doing our job well, our clients will feel less alone, suffer less, and feel stronger as they face life’s challenges.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Brené Brown’s books, including Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, have truly inspired me. She is a social worker who studies shame and vulnerability, and her TED Talks are wonderful.

Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a classic, and it’s one of my favorites. Dr. Frankl’s ability to find meaning in his experience in a concentration camp truly puts things in perspective.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth is that going to therapy means that there is something wrong with you. I have heard this over and over again, and it’s just not true. Attending therapy means that, like every other human on the planet, you have come up against challenges in life, and you could use some support from a safe, supportive, impartial person. That’s all it means.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

One of the biggest challenges clients face is something that many of us struggle with, even when we’re not in therapy. I’m talking about the ways we beat ourselves up because we think we’re not smart enough, not productive enough, not good enough. In addition to the pain we feel from whatever is going on in our lives, we inflict additional harm on ourselves each time we judge ourselves so harshly.

For example, I might have a client who is struggling with depression, and in addition to how sad, lonely, and hopeless she feels, she is also angry at herself for not getting out of bed in the morning or accomplishing enough each day.

Our pain is lessened greatly when we can have self-compassion, when we can love and forgive ourselves, even when life is hard, when it is painful, when we are really struggling.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The hardest part of being a therapist is truly sitting with, and staying with, difficult emotions and trying not to offer solutions. When someone you care about (and yes, therapists do care about their clients!) is in pain, your first response is to fix it, to make the pain go away.

The problem with this response is that a) it implies that there is something wrong with experiencing difficult feelings (which is not true), and b) sticking a Band-Aid on a problem may help our clients feel better temporarily, but it doesn’t give them the insight, support, and perspective that will serve them well over the long run.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

There is a proverb that describes what I love about my work: “I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.” Being a part of someone’s journey as they broaden their shoulders is incredibly meaningful to me.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

I believe a meaningful life is authentic, compassionate, and not always easy. Figuring out who you are and what you love can be hard work, because it requires listening to your inner voice, silencing your inner critic, and taking risks. Most of us can’t do this on our own; we need supportive family and friends, and at times, a good therapist. (I would recommend Brene Brown’s writing, which I mentioned above.)

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I would choose the same professional path. My training in clinical social work has shaped how I see the world and understand people and social interactions and I value that tremendously. I am focusing on my writing right now, but in terms of my training and my professional identity, I am proud to be a social worker.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

Lots of folks seem to be under the impression that there is a fundamental difference between people who are mentally healthy and people who are mentally ill. The reality is that we are all on a spectrum; we all have better days and worse days, and you never know what might happen in life that can change things—either for better or for worse. Remembering this fundamental truth can help us find compassion for ourselves and each other in difficult times.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I try to get exercise (walking, jogging, or yoga) every day, and I generally have a healthy diet (although sometimes a nice big piece of chocolate is just what I need). I find that journaling helps me find perspective, as does spending time with my friends and family. I have begun a mindfulness practice, and when I’m really stressed in the moment, taking a few mindful breaths and trying to stay present helps a lot.